We have a winner: Grr!!!!!

As Pumpkin korrektly gessed, the winner of the 100th post kontest is GRR with a winning gess of 12/27 @ 6:40 AM. Grr wins the Bad Cats Page-a-Day Kalinder. Yes, Grr used her cunning intillekt to akshully cownt the posts frum the beeginning and figyur owt that the kontest post was the 100th! Way to go Grr!!!!!

Formerly Ferul Friday

Heer is a FFF foto of Tripper the Psyko Stray Cat. Akshully, he's gitting less psyko. He's also gitting less skinny. The man is holding him up so yoo can see how not skinny he is. And Trip told me to point owt that he has big wisker humps and big paws.

Thursday Thirteen

My 13 Noo Yeerz Rezzolooshuns

1. Bild my harum of spicy vixins
2. Mooch more nuzzles and skriches
3. Kleen owt and orgunize gutter
4. Teech Skeez my triks on how to woo wimmin
5. Sell ten cans of Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt^tm
6. Exersize by lifting spicy vixins up on my lap
7. Lern to drive a Harley
8. Finish reeding "Ten Steps to a More Successful Persunality"
9. Grow more nip
10. Buy that spicy vixin Rosie a BART tikkit to come vizit me (Kuntinjint on suksessful exekyooshun of #5)
11. Win Catster's Coolest Cat Sleeper Award for the sekund yeer in a row
12. Git fameus like Brad Pitt so I can attrakt more spicy vixins.
13. Maybe rite a book on how to git lots of spicy vixins

Technorati Tags: thursday thirteen

Gess my 100th post kontest!

Gess the time and date of my 100th post, and win this fabyulus prize (akshully, it's not all that fabyulus, but Skeez tells me yer more likely to think it's fabyulus if I say it's fabyulus):

Prize: Bad Cat-a-Day Kalinder

Leeve yer gesses (date AND time PST) in the comments feeld of this post. All cats are ellijibul. DEDLINE for GESSES: midnite Friday, 12/29.

Widebody Wenzday

Unlike mine, the wite howrglass pattern on her stumik duzn't seem to have much of a slimming efekt.

How I spended Krissmiss

I slept the day away in the bakyard, dreeming of spicy vixins:

Tuxie Toozday

Next to my faverit spot (the gutter), thare is the driveway, and the ferst part slopes up. I like laying on it so that my hed is lower than my butt. It makes the blood rush to my hed wich helps kyoor nipovers, and givs yoo kind of a rush win yoo git up reel fast. Yoo shood try it.

I'm Dreeming of Sum Spicey Vixins!

I've had to kave into sum peer presshur to come up with a Krissmiss song, so heer it is: I'm Dreeming of Sume Spicy Vixins:

I’m dreeming of sum spicy vixins,
Like Sadie, DaisyMae and Rosie
We’ll eet turkey and fixin’s
And do lots of kissin,
And share catnip in the snow.

I’m dreeming of sum spicy vixins
With evry blog entrey I rite.
May yer days be nip-filled and bright!
And yer vixins spicy all nite.

6PM PST tonite: Skeezix's Krissmiss Eeve Story!!!!

Formerly Ferul Friday

Heer is anuther Formerly Ferul Friday Foto of my frend Trip. Well, I'm not reely shur that we're buds, ixzaktly, but he hangs owt heer. And if my harem gits too big, he may be takin care of the overflow. Don't werry, ladeeez, chek owt his massiv wisker humps AND his ginormus paws. He's a big boy.

Thursday Thirteen: Edishun 3

Rockyboy's 13 Top Pikup Lines.

1. Hey, Babe. Wanna see my gutter?
2. Wanna be one of my spicy vixins?
3. If yoo blow chunks, I'll eet it.
4. If yoo were a booger, I wood pik you ferst.
5. Wunt to chek owt my catnip boo-fay?
6. If byooty was a crime, yoo'd be in for life.
7. My catbed is heetid. Wanna warm up?
8. I'm on Santa's nawty list. Wunna find owt why?
9. If you were a new burger at McDonald's, you'd be McGorgeous.
10. Do yoo like Fancy Feest? Cuz that's whut we're having for brekfist tomorrow.
11. Yer legs must be tired becuz yoo've bin running thru my mind all nite.
12. This isn't a beer belly--it's the gas tank for a luv masheen!
13. Hey, Sadie. Yoo look like me!

Technorati Tags: thursday thirteen

Widebody Wenzday

This is my frend Sophie. As yoo can see, she is vary Rubenesque, wich meens byootiful in a klassical, romantik, widebodied way. Is it troo that all orange gerl cats are named Sophie? Just wundering.

Tuxie Toozday

Heer's my Tuxie Toozday foto. It's me and the wite rat rasslin'. We likes rasslin'. I know it looks like the wite rat has romanse on his mind, but beeleeve me, that's not the case Sadie and DaisyMae and Rosie.

That Spicy Vixin Rosie is Cat of the Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My good frend and nip pal, that spicy vixin Rosie, is Catster's Cat of the Day today!!!! Well, it's abowt time! Rosie is the gratest, as yoo all know, and it's time the werld knew abowt it! She's always up for anything, she is vary vary supportiv of her frends, and she's spicy, to boot! She cheers evrybuddy on, and always has a pawsitiv owtlook. In short, she's the best!!! Yoo can see why I'd like to add her to my harem (if she wuzn't alreddy taken!)

I inkerij yoo to drop by her Catster profile, and if yer a member, leeve her a treet or a rozette or a star and let her know that yoo think she's the best, too!!!!!

>> Rosie's Blog

Rocky's Male Bag

I've bin gitting a lot of stuff in the male frum Academy of Art University. At ferst it sownded like too much werk, but then I thot: CO-EDS! And it's in San Fransisko, so I cood vizit that spicy vixin Rosie. And I cood take BART thare and sleep on the trayne so I woodn't miss much nappin' time. They sent me a big fat book that is good for a pillow, and a CD that nice pikchurs that made me sleepy. So they no just wut buttuns to push to make me wunt to go thare.

I also got a bro-shur frum Fremont Porsche wich sells Porsches. They spell porche funny becuz its Jermun. We kinda need a new frunt porche after my industreeyul aksident, since it still stinks like skunk farts by the frunt door, so maybe I'll go vizit them and try to git the peepul a new frunt porche for Krissmiss. I have to admit, the bro-shur was vary stranje becuz thare was not one singul pikchur of a porche, just a bunch of sports cars. Advertizing can be vary misteerius.

Big Bad Baby Twinkle is a GERL!

Terns owt, Big Bad Baby Twinkle is a gerl cat. My bad. I saw the pikchur of her werking owt and OF KORSE I thot it was a boy cat becuz gerls don't werk owt..... do they? Not ever having bin arownd gerls cats (ixsept down at my biker bar, and I don't reely know that they qwalify as gerls), I don't always know unless I take a good look down thare, and win yoo assoom its a boy cat yer not lookin' down thare anyway.

My apolujeez, BBBT!!!!!! We hope yoo'll come bak! THE END --- RtGC

Widebody Wenzday

This is Big Bad Baby Twinkle. Big name, big cat. As yoo can see, she's a hole lotta cat to love. And heer's a pikchur of her werking owt:

Yoo can find owt more abowt Big Bad Baby Twinkle on her Catster profile. THE END --- RtGC

Tuxie Toozday: Sepurrrayted at Berth?

If it seems like I'm a littul frisky lately, it's becuz I've bin gitting such goooood nursin' frum my harem -- espeshully Sadie and DaisyMae. The thing abowt Sadie is that it's like lookin' in a mirrer. That's her in the pikchur above. We even have the faint littul pointy white mark between owr eyes. She and Speedy and Zippy finely got thare own blog, so yoo can hop over thare and see more pikchurs. Is thare anybuddy else owt there hoo has a "sepurrayted at berth" dubbul? THE END --- RtGC

NOTE TO JAKE

The animaytid Rocky kittin moovey in the sidebar is not akshully of me. But it looks just like me win I was a babey. Unforchewnitly, I am such an old geezer that I was born beefore mooveys were inventid, so thare are no mooveys of me win I was a kittin. But if thare were, it wood look like this. The peepul at the SFSPCA named me, and I gess they named me after Rocky the fiter, but I'm not much of a fiter (I'm a LOVER, Sadie, Daisy Mae and Rosie, and all yoo other spicy vixens owt thare), but maybe they saw me doing sumthing like this and that's how I got my name. THE END -- RtGC

I'm myoozikul

Evry nite, the man plays myoosik for us beefore we go to bed. I like to help. I press the DJ buttun evry wunse in a wile to jazz it up a littul bit. As yoo can see, I have the same coloring as a Peeano, and I pee a lot, so I'm a natcherul to be a PEEano helper. THE END --- RtGC

Formerly Ferul Friday

Tooday I saloot the formerly ferul Tripper the psyko stray cat. He's come a long way frum being that haff-starvd wild thing that climed owt of the forest into owr lives. I'm not shur I like him much, but I'm glad he's takin care of. THE END --- RtGC

I'm a Winner!

I was shokt to lern that I won the "Sleeper" category in Catster's Werld's Coolest Cat Kontest. Well, I wasn't shokt abowt the sleeping part, becuz it's the third best thing I do next to luvvin' and nippin'. I was shokt becuz Skeez's frend Gordy didn't win the category -- he's the one I akyuzed of illeegully using the Photoshop Kyoot Filter. In fakt, I'm surprized Gordy didn't win the hole kontest. One of the things I won was a ConAir Pro clipper set, wich meens I can persunully give Mao his Lion cut next summer, hehehe. THE END --- RtGC

MY GERLFREND SADIE IS BLOGGING!

I'm vary ixsited to annownse that my gerlfrend Sadie* now has a blog! Yoo may know her sister Zippy frum Skeez's Tales of Devoshun Kontest. If yoo don't know hoo Sadie is, yoo absolootly HAVE to take a look becuz she looks ixzaktly like me! Anyway, thare blog is heer -- go say hellow and add her to yer blogroll! THE END --- RtGC

-------------------------------
* No werries, gerls, thare's plenty of ole' Rocky to go arownd!

Whut kind of vishus ranedeer I am....

You Are Blitzen

Always in good spirits, you're the reindeer who loves to party down with Santa. Why You're Naughty: You're always blitzed on Christmas Eve, while flying! Why You're Nice: You mix up a mean "vishus deer" or a Catmopolitan for yer faverit vixens.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

GOT MY STAPLES OWT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh happy day. Had to go bak to Bullevard Pet Hospitul, but I finely got my staples owt, and no branes leeked owt win they remoovd the staples!!!

But gerls, yer still welcome to come over and give ole' Rocky sum GOOOOOOD nursin'! THE END --- RtGC

Just wundering....

... if DaisyMae thinks of me as a panty-waist nooter boy.

Widebody Wenzday

Heer's my Widebody Wenzday foto for this week. I think this yeer I'm gonna cut bak on the frootkake and nog. THE END --- RtGC

Tuxie Toozday

Heer is a pikchur of me on my planche a griffe. It was taken beefore I had my forehed stapled. It's one of my favorite playses to hang owt: on my planche a griffe, wich is a kardbord skracher. The peepul put nip in the kraks, so I skratch a littul, sniff a littul, nap a littul. It's grate. Yoo shood try it.

MORE TERRIFIK TUXIES:

>> Sox

>> Cranky Mrs B

>> Hot(M)BC

>> Abby

>> DaisyMae Maus*

THE END --- RtGC

* I'm a littul sweet on her. She's hot. Yoo shood chek her owt.

We had a littul industreeyul aksident...

Oh, man. Last nite, me and Mao were wipping up a batch of Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt, and I dunno WHUT happend ... I had a littul nip and my pane meds, and I was kinda dreemin' of Daisy Mae and that spicey vixin Rosie, and I musta not bin paying attenshun .... and I tipped over the hole batch neer the frunt porch, wich yoo mite say, cawzd qwite a stink. It made the howse smell bad, too. Reel bad. The peepul were talking abowt spending the nite in a hotell and the wite rat was running thru the howse skreeming that a skunk got electorkyoooted --- wich is ixzaktly whut it smelld like, only stronger. Forchewnitly, nobuddy kawt on to the fakt that me and Mao were up to sumthing.

So, if yoo placed an order with us reesintly, it mite be delayed until we can catch enuf skunk farts to make anuther batch. THE END --- RtGC

My Thursday Thirteen

Rocky the Gutter Cat's Thirteen Ways to Attrakt the Chiks

1. Ware a Yankees kap. Chiks dig sports guyz and athuleets.
2. Rite a blog.
3. Git a Hugh Hefner smoking jakkit to ware in the grotto. I don't have wun but Kismet duz, and EVRYWUN knows he's a regyuler chik magnit.
4. Git horns implantid in yer 4hed. I have herd that win yoo have horns, the ladeez can sense yoo are reddy to git down to bizniss.
5. Go to the vet a lot and rite abowt it on yer blog. The chiks' Florinse Niteingale whoremones will start kikking in, and they'll wunt to "nurse yoo bak to helth." Let them.
6. Good dentul high-jeens. Win yer breth is kissing sweet, the chiks are more inklined to wunt to kiss yoo.
7. Let the chiks do all the talking. They like to talk, so let em.
8. Git a dweebie baby bruther like Skeez hood wet his pants if he got close to a gerl. Wimmin are all over him becuz he's so "kyoot" but he coodn't date his way outta a paper bag. That's win big bruther Rocky stands bak and skoops up the overflow. It's like shootin fish in a barrul.
9. I always ware a tuxeedo. Chiks dig guyz in tuxedos, and it is sed that evry guy looks good in a tuxedo. That spicey littul vixin Rosie calls it a munkey soot. Whutever. It's a good look for me, and it wood be a good look for yoo.
10. Lern to nap with yer eyes open. That way, win the chik is yakkin' and yakkin' abowt the "relayshunship," yoo can git sum shuteye wile simultaneyusly skoring points for being a good lissiner.
11. Git a hoohaectomy. It's no piknik, but theeze daze, no chik wunts to date a guy unless he's shooting blanks.
12. Be a moovey star. Win "The Advenchurs of Rocky the Gutter Cat" was reeleest, I had to fend off the chiks with a stik. I thot of chanjing my name to Rocky Pitt.
13. Know yer nip. Chiks mite not wunt to admit it, but they'd much rather date a konnusoor like me hoo knows skank weed frum the primo stuff and can show them a good time than sum guy hoo don't know buds frum stems. And wunce they git a few wiffs, yoo'll have them eeting frum the palm of yer paw.

Technorati Tags: thursday thirteen

THE END --- RtGC

I got my horns reemoovd!

Bad nooz is, I had to git bak in the kardbord prizzin box and go to the Bulevard Pet Hospitul Torcher Chamber today. Good nooz is, he reemoovd my horns! Bad nooz is, he had to stapul my forehed so my branes won't leek owt. Badder nooz is, I still have to go bak next week to have the stapuls reemoved.

But at leest I no longer look like a vishus deer.

Sadie, Daisy Mae, or any of the rest of yoo gerls wanna come over and nurse poor ole' Rockyboy bak to helth??? THE END --- RtGC

I'm a HOT HOT(m)BC Catizen !!!!!

Yes, I am thrilld to annownse that I am offishully an honererry member of HOT(m)BC! And they put HOT on my badge, just in case yoo need to be reminded (espeshully yoo, Sadie) that I am HOT HOT HOT! And I've got horns! So watch owt, ladeez!

Widebody Wenzday

This is my frend Ripley hoo haz a fenomenul widebody.

I got a hat

The wite rat done good today. I HATE my stoopid vishus deer antlers, so Skeez' lended me his Yankees cap (the wun he got frum Jeter Harris) to cuvver them up, and it's dun wunders for my self-esteem.

Tuxedo Toozday

OMG!!!! I just lookt in the mirrer, and YIKES!!!!!
Whut the hek did Bulevard Pet Hospitul put on my hed? Is it...

A) Vishus Deer horns
B) Devil horns
C) Andorian antenas

Or werse, did they operate and leeve a surjikul gluv inside???

Life Suks

So, win the peepul got home frum taking the Skeez on a rode trip (wich he woodn't shut up abowt, btw), they were pettin' me and telling me how happy they were to be bak home, win they discuverd a pimpul (wich, if I were Klingon, wood be calld a "gorch") on my forehed. So the next morning they forst me, kikking and skreeming, into my kardbord prizzin box for a trip to bulevard pet hospitul. And they kept me thare for 2 nites, wich was the werst ixpeeriense of my life. They stuk needuls in my pimpul and draned it and gave me shots. They calld my pimpul an "ABsess," even tho it's noware neer my abs. The only thing that saved me frum going kompleeteley insanse was that gramma's cat, my frend Babe, was inkarserayted thare, too, and we got to stay in side-by-side prizzin sells. Babe had bin thare way longer than me becuz he is vary sik. But now I'm home, and I have larinjitus frum yelling at the top of my lungs for 2 days strate. I think Mao had the rite idea abowt running away frum home....

Tuxedo Toozday

Of all the fotos ever taken of me, abowt 99.99999999998% of them are of me win I'm asleep (or falling asleep, or just waking up). This one is no ixsepshun.

MORE TERRIFIK TUXIES:

>> Sox

>> Cranky Mrs B

>> Hot(M)BC

>> Abby

>> DaisyMae Maus

THE END --- RtGC

Tummy Toozday

Heer's a Tummy Toozday pikchur of me. As yoo can see, the howrglass is vary slimming!

Finely!

The ladey rote her Tail of Devoshun to me. Yoo can REED IT HEER. It's nice. I liked it. THE END --- RtGC

OK, I admit it, I'm a frisky geezer

The Food Lady busted me on making owt like I'm on deth's doorstep just to get more votes in the Werld's Coolest Cat Kontest, so she made me put up a foto showing me playing so yoo'll see that I'm frisky and spry. This was taken just before the man fixt the tunnul box so that it won't collapse win Skeez jumps on top of it. This is a grate box. It has holes (like windoze) cut in the sides so we can poke owr arms thru. The lady pinned a tinsel toy to the seeling, wich is whut I'm batting at with my paw. Me and Skeez play in the tunnel box at leest an howr evry nite. He runs into the tunnel, and I poke at him frum owtside, and he pokes at me frum inside. THE END - RtGC

Skeez is busted

Well, the ladey and the man got wind of Skeez' riting in his blog abowt me not reely being on my last legs (theeze are my ONLY legs ---- ferst AND last), and all that, in the hopes that evrywun will vote for him insted of me in the World's Coolest Cat Contest. He was kinda hittin below the belt in diskussing my pee problims, but it was reely just becuz he knows I'm gonna win, and it kills him to admit that I'm cooler.

I'm a finulist

Me and Skeezix are both finulists in Catster's Werld's Coolest Cat Competishun. I have TWO fotos that made it to the finuls. Both are of me on my bak, wich is appropriut, since that's ware I am most of the time if I'm not peeing or eeting.

Yoo can only cast one vote for Best in Show, wich makes it hard! Now, I know yoo all wunt Skeezix to win, but let me put in my sorry plee for yer vote:

• I'm an old geezer cat. This may be the very last kontest I ever git to enter.


• If I win, win I'm having my pee problims, I'll be abul to think of thoze happy daze win I was the Werld's Koolest Cat, and it mite take my mind off the pane.


• Skeezix is only 2 yeers old, and he has abowt 20 more chanses to enter agin before he dies.


• I pee a LOT, and that meens both freeqwintly and qwantitativly. So I need that automated catbox more than Skeez.


• Skeezix can go enter a cat show if he wunts to win sumthing. I'm a no-papers mixed breed frum the pownd hoo can't enter cat shows.


• Did I menshun that I'm an old geezer cat and this may be the very last kontest I ever git to enter?

So pleeze, vote for me. Or vote for Skeez if yoo must. But VOTE!

And if yoo vote for me, I rekummend voting for my "Stretch and Yawn" foto becuz I think the sleeper categorey is sewn up by an upstart kitten hoo illegully yoozd the Photoshop Kyoot Filter. THE END --- RtGC

Widebody Wenzday

COUCH POTATO
Heer's a widebody Wenzday foto. I don't know hoo she is, but redheds make me hot, and thare's a hole lotta her to love! THE END --- RtGC

MORE WIDEBODIES:

>> Fat Eric
>> Sir Edmund
>> Eric (not Fat Eric)
>> Cheeto's gerlfrend, Mrs B
>> Grr

Tuxedo Toozday

This is a pikchur of me on my bench. Win I'm outside, if I'm not in the gutter, I'm heer. It's a nice bench. Much warmer than being on the kold seement, wich bothers my artheritis. The lady reely likes it win I put my 2 frunt paws together becuz they make purrfikt matched sox.

MORE TERRIFIK TUXIES:

>> Sox

>> Cranky Mrs B

>> Hot(M)BC

>> Abby

>> DaisyMae Maus

THE END --- RtGC

Widebody Wenzday

Heer's my Widebody Wenzday foto for this week. This is anuther foto of Joonyer, my gratest frend EVER! THE END --- RtGC

MORE WIDEBODIES:

>> Fat Eric
>> Sir Edmund
>> Eric (not Fat Eric)
>> Cheeto's gerlfrend, Mrs B
>> Grr

Dona Nobis Pacem

Widebody Wenzday

Mao has bin insuferubul since he invented Meezer Munday. Since Tuxedo Toozday had alreddy bin invented, it didn't look like I cood invent anything for myself. But then I desided to invent Widebody Wednesday, in wich I will showcase fotos of full-figyerd cats. I'm starting with a pikchur of myself, wich was takin before I got the thigh roids problim, and I was a plus-size cat. Forchewnitly, the howrglass pattern on my stumik had a slimming ifekt so I looked a lot skinnier than I akshully was. THE END --- RtGC

Tuxedo Toozday

By now, the more ubzervunt amung yoo may have notist that thare are a lot of pikchurs of me on my bak. That is an astoot obzervayshun. That's how I sleep. Wich also makes it konveenyunt so I can do Tuxedo Toozday and Tummy Toozday all in one.

More Tuxies:

>> Sox

>> Cranky Mrs B

>> Hot(M)BC

>> Abby

>> DaisyMae Maus

THE END --- RtGC

Tuxedo Toozday

Heer's wun of my most faverit sleeping pozishuns. This is the sleeping pozishun that freeks owt the peeple the most. The lady will ask the man, "COME LOOK!! IS HE BREETHING?" and she'll have the man come over and look becuz she can't bare to, and so then I hold my breth and hold varey still for as long as I can until I heer them go, "OH, ROCKY!" and uzhully then the lady lets owt a big breth of releef, and I just laff and laff. It's varey fun. THE END --- RtGC

More Tuxies:

>> Sox

>> Cranky Mrs B

>> Hot(M)BC

>> Abby

>> DaisyMae Maus

Formerly Feral Friday

This is a pikchur of Trip', owr stray cat. He used to be feral, but the lady got him tame and then she took him in the bloo masheen and got his goodie sak whacked, and she feeds him, and she got him a heeted cat bed, and he comes in the howse sumtimes, so he's not reely feral anymore. Well, ixsept for the fakt that he's psyko.

This is a pikchur of him dressing like that sissy, Skeezix. In fakt, Skeezix was vary upset that Trip was waring the speshul Halloween boa that Somoa got him. Skeezix jumped onto the raling upstares and yelled and yelled and yelled in that pathetik sqweeky voice of his. Trip didn't care. He was all over them fethers.

Anyways, since I am formerly ferul myself, I giv Trip a brake, since I know fersthand that life on the streets is hard. He's not a bad sort, just a littul too overenthooziastik. And psyko.

THE END --- RtGC

Tuxedo Toozday

I like this pikchur becuz it kind of aksenchewates my howrglass figyur. And, yoo can see how the inside of my mowth is both pink and blak. And it duz dubbul-duty as a Tummy Toosday foto. THE END --- RtGC
More Tuxies:

>> Sox

>> Cranky Mrs B

>> Hot(M)BC

>> Abby

>> DaisyMae Maus

Rocky's Male bag

I got a cuppul of things besides credit card offers in the male this week.

The ferst one was an offer of a job:

Dear Rockford Nichols,

Acurian, a company specializing in patient recruitment of clincal trials, is working with a pharmaceutical company to find individuals willing to potentially participate in a clinical trial for prevention of migraine headaches. If you experience frequent and painful headaches, we would like to provide you with information on this trial that may be of interest to you or your family.

Only through the interest of study volunteers do new treatment options get tested so that they may be approved by the FDA and become available to people who need them. Please allow Acurian the opportunity to share with you information about this trial for headache prevention.

If you would like more information on this trial, simply visit www.acuriantrials.com, or call 1-800-981-8065 between 8 am and 10 pm (EST) Monday - Friday.

Sincerely,
Christopher Haines, MD

That sownds pritty good. I don't have headache problims, but maybe they can help with my pee problims!

The second was a valyubul set of FREE TIKITS that came in a speshul invitayshun frum Donald Trump's closest advizer! Eech tikit is werth $149.

Heer's whut it sed:

Dear Rockford,

Because you were referred to me, I wanted to personally invite you as my VIP guest to hear my story and be trained by "4" of my personal mentors, who are some of the wealthiest self-made multi-millionarie experts in America. We will share with you our unique wealth creating secrets and strategies. As my special VIP guest, I have enclosed two (2) complimentary tickets and you will receive a free special edition of "TRUMP Strategies for Real-Estate Billionaire Lessons for the Small Investor" at the conference. The normal tuition fee of $149 is waived for you.

It kind of goze on and on after that, but I skipped over it becuz all I wunt to know is ware to sine up! I'm gonna take my frend Mao with me so that we can lern sum tips on how to market Mao and Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt and become rich millionaires. If we lern any good money-making tips, we'll let yoo know! THE END --- RtGC

Tuxie Toozday

Heer's a foto of me in all my Tuxedo-ness.

More Tuxies:

>> Sox

>> Cranky Mrs B

>> Hot(M)BC

>> Abby

>> DaisyMae Maus

THE END --- RtGC

Watching Klarense

I know sum of yoo are wundering whut I do in my spare time. As yoo can tell frum my Thursday Thirteen entry, I'm very bizzy. But I relax frum all that werk by watching myoosik videeyos and sumtimes dancing to that "Cat, I'm a kitty cat. And I dance dance dance" song.

In this pikchur, I'm watching wun of my faverit videeyos. It stars sumwun named Brooose. But I'm not watching Brooose heer. I'm watching my faverite persun in the videeyo. His name is "the big man Klarense Klemuns." I know it's a long name. He mite be relayted to the big man cat Kismet. He blows into this big metal thing and makes a lowd sound with it. It's kinda jazzy. I like it. Sumtimes, win I put on my Harley jakit and go down to Spanky's (the dive biker bar), I can heer Brooose and Klarense on the jukebox. THE END -- RtGC

MY Thursday Thirteen

My best frend Skeezix and Mao did sumthing called a Thursday Thirteen, so I thot I'd give it a try. Heer are thirteen things I do evry day:

1. Eet 6 or 7 cans of Fancy Feest Turkey and Giblets in the green can.
2. Sleep on the chare in the cat bedroom.
3. Sleep in the green cooshun chare by the lake in the bak yard.
4. Drink a few galluns of water owt of the big lake in the bak yard.
5. Hang owt in the gutter.
6. Sit in the cat mint.
7. Krap in the mulch.
8. Eet gutter grass.
9. Rekreeayshun: Do nip and play with the felt mousie and clime the walls. Play chase with Skeezix.
10. Win the man in the bloo shorts comes, chek to see if I have any credit card offers or other male. If I do, fill owt the offers and put them bak in the box for the man in the bloo shorts to take away.
11. Wine for food.
12. Drink the kitty water fowntin in the house dry.
13. Pee big briks in the litter box upstares.

That's it. Now whut? --- THE END - RtGC

My Helth

I am surprizd by how menny of yoo cats are asking abowt my helth -- spesifikly abowt how my pee problim is doing. So heer's the update:

1. No more ubstrukshuns. No more vet trips.


2. They've bin forsing me to stay inside at nite wich at ferst I detested, but now I'm a regyuler nitetime inside cat. Skeez' got a lot of good nip for his berthday, and he's very nice to share it with me. And he's gotten me to play with him. I haven't played sinse Joonyer wint away. Joonyer was Mao's bruther hoo Skeez' "replayst". Joonyer was my best frend. He was the ferst cat hoo playd with me, and we became best frends. We'd cuddul up and sleep together. He was the gratest. Then something happend, and Joonyer wuzn't heer any more. That made me deprest, and that's win I desided to go bak to being a fulltime owtside cat, and I didn't play anymore. Skeez came to liv with us, and he wunted to play, but I wuz too deprest over Joonyer to play with Skeez' (hoo frankly, got on my nervs), and I never saw him much becuz he was an inside cat, and I was an owtside cat. So win my pee problim got bad and I was forst to stay inside, I had to spend more time with the wite rat. He got me playin agin. It's nice. I like playin'. It's fun. I git so nipped owt that I literully clime the walls win I play with Skeez. I'm FRISKY. We like to chase eech other fast thru the howse. It makes me purrr.


3. They put medisin goop on my eers for my thigh roids problim. I have no ideeyuh why they put it on my eer, and not my thighz. I also have no ideeyuh why "thigh" has a "gh" on the end.


4. I won't know until I get crammed into the cardbord prizzin box win I go to the vet next. Maybe never. Maybe today. I just don't know. They won't tell me becuz they think I'll run away if I know. Thare rite.

Thank yoo all fer yer consern. It's nice. THE END --- RtGC

PS: Heer's sum pikchurs of me with my best frend Joonyer:

I adopted Opie

This is Opie frum Best Frends Animul Sankchewery. I sponserd him today and pade with sum of those credit cards I git in the male. I pikt him becuz he was fownd in a storm drane, wich as yoo know, is conveenyuntly lokayted under the gutter. So I thot we had a lot in commun. Heer's his biograffy:

Opie must be a Lord of the Rings fan, because he does his best to look like Gollum! When he's not skulking around, you'll find him hunched in the corner, looking suspicious. And he has had enough adventures to fill a book! Before he came to Best Friends, he had been wandering around Venice, California, dazed, hungry, and thirsty. Suddenly, he found
himself trapped in a storm drain. He couldn't jump out! He was desperate. Little did he know, a dog would be the one to come to his rescue! A particular little dog and his person went for a walk every day past where Opie was trapped. And whenever they went by, the dog would stick his nose in to say hello. His person began to wonder what was in there. When she looked, she saw Opie! By the time he was rescued, he was really skinny - nearly dead!

After Opie was found, he was brought to the vet where it was discovered that he has diabetes as well as a spinal injury from having once been hit by a car! Because his diabetes was untreated for so long, his back legs don't work so well - that's why he couldn't jump out of the storm drain. Opie had been tired, thirsty, and hurting for so long that he never thought he'd be happy again. But now that he's at Best Friends, he finds his mood improving every day. And it turns out that despite his sulky looks, he's a
very personable cat.

So now I have to figyur owt how I can go visit Opie hoo livs far away in Yoo-tah. I've bin looking at the greyhownd bus skedjools, but the bus duzn't come to Castro Valley and I woodn't like to ride on a dawg bus anyway. I thot maybe I cood take BART, but that sownds too much like BARK wich makes me nervus. THE END -- RtGC

>> Yoo can sponser a cat, too. Clik heer for deetales. It also mite be a good place to look for gerlfrends if yer so inklined.

Rocky's Malebox

I got a good letter in the male today. It just mite be my tikit to freedum. It was frum the American Dreem Land Company, and this is whut it sed:

Dear Friend,

This is your personal invitation to our upcoming Huge Land Auction on October 1, 2006. At this awesome event, over 150 parcels of valuable land will be sold! We are selling everything from city lots to huge parcles of country land. Don't miss it! (I won't!!!)

Then it gives the time and place, and continyooze:

We offer financing on every parcel we sell. The paperwork is easy and everyone qualifies to buy. We specialize in no hassle transactions, making the American Dream of owning land possible for everyone. To find out more about the auction, visit our website at Americandreamland.com.

Free land!
We will be giving away free parcels of land throughout the auction. When you register at the auction, you will be given tickets to participate in drawings for valuable FREE LAND!

Anybuddy wanna go with me??? I'm shoor that out of 150 parcels, thare will be sum good gutter land avayleubul.

Rocky: 1 Shon: 0

Skore one for the Rockster today. The meen lady stuft me in the kardbord box and took me in the bloo masheen to the vet man. He rubbed goo on my belly and did an ultrasownd, and then he took owt pee and then they torcherd me with a needul. It sukt.

But just as I fooled them into thinking I wuz a plasid mellow fellow, I wint into Ninja mode and nayled Shon the vet man's helper reel good with my clawz and made him bleed bukkets of blud. I bared my teeth. It felt good. I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it any more.

Thare's nuthin rong with me. I am strong like Hercyooleez!

THE END --- RtGC

Still not feelin' too good

I stayed in the howse most of the day. Heer I am, krapt owt in the upstares hallway. The pozishun makes the peeple werry that sumthing bad has happend to me.

Ware's the man?

I haven't seen the man hoo livs with us in a wile. And his bloo masheen has bin gone, too, wich I miss becuz I like hanging owt under it. It is very close to the grownd, wich is good if yoo need to hide frum dawgs or vishus deer. But then, I haven't been hanging outside much lately. Mostly, the lady makes me stay in the howse. I like doing that more and more. With the man away, the lady lets all us cats sleep in the peeple bed with her. Last nite, I desided to try it. She put down a nitted afgan for me wich she remembers I liked frum a long time ago. Thare's sumthing abowt it that makes me wanna make muffins and drool. Shoor enuf, the minit she put me down on it, the drool kikt in and my paws started kneeding it back and forth. It was reely nice and it made me happy. Mao sleeped between the lady's legs on top of the cuvvers, and Skeez burrowed under the cuvvers and cuddled into the lady. He needs to sleep under the cuvvers becuz he doesn't have pajamas like Kismet has, and it gits cold at nite.

I like this new sleeping arranjemint. If it's becuz the man's away, then I hope he stays away forever. Well, no, maybe not. He always, like, has conversayshuns with me and is intristed in whut I have to say. He's a good frend. But he's not wild abowt cats on the bed at nite.

Whut a Weekend....

Saterday wuz Skeezie's berthday. It was fun. I wuz the bartender. Trip helped me out so I cood take brakes to pee in the mulch, wich I have to do a lot. I got to hit on Sadie, hoo is hot. She looks almost igzaktly like me. Trip barfed on my feet. He thot being the bartender ment yoo cood drink evry time yoo servd a drink. He's pritty stoopid. So, the party was reely good.

But yesterday I started feeling bad. I tride to pee and coodn't. And it hert. A LOT. I cood barely ketch my breth it hert so much. So I yowld and tride to pee and yowld and tride to pee and it wuz very distressing. I'd drank a lot of water, abowt five galuns, and I HAD TO PEE!!! But nothin wood come out. So the lady and the man pakt me back up in that awful kardbord box and put me in the bloo masheen that livs in my gutter and the drove me to a place I'd never bin before. Mr Tasty Face drove reely fast. The lady kept saying it wuz like Mr Tode's Wild Ride. I don't know whut that is, but it was scarey. He drove on a reely winding rode thru a kanyun and I know it was winding becuz win he wint arownd a wind-ey part, my box fell over on its side and the lady yelled at the man, and then he'd go arownd anuther wind-ey part reely fast, and the box fell over on its other side, and it was probly like being in a washing masheen, only dry (unforchewnitly). So the lady krolled over and got my box frum the bak seet and put it on her lap, wich was much better. I started to relax a littul, and then I peed all over the lady's lap. That made her happy. Then we got to the place they took me.

It was fresh and new and kleen. It's called an emerjincey vet. It's open win the other vet-mans are goofing off at home. They took the pee out of me. It was red. It was not a plezint proceedyur. They gave me a shot. I think it wuz like the morfeen they gave Rosie and Cheeto's lady win she had the kid-me problim. It made the hurting go away mostly. After a wile, they put me bak in the kardbord box and put me and the kardbord box bak on the lady's lap in the bloo masheen and we wint home. They watcht me reel close and lokt me in the cat bedroom without the other cats to bug me. That was okay. In the morning, they were happy that I peed in the nite. They put sum barfy medisin in my mouth that keeps the hurt away. I'm a littul disorientid. They don't want me to go outside so they can watch me. It suks to be me. THE END - RtGC

More frum my malebox

So today I got a letter frum the Genworth Life Insurance Company. Heer's part of the letter:

Dear Rockford R Nichols,

As a responsible citizen, you have paid taxes most of your life, and that's why I think you have a right to be deeply concerned by what I am about to tell you.

The cost of long-term care is high. One year of nursing home care in California averages over $69,000 a year. Home care is usually less expensive but it still adds up. A well designed Long-Term Care Insurance policy may go a long way towards covering most of these costs.

Do any of yoo have long-term care insurance or life insurance?It sounds scary! How do they know I'm a geezer? Did sumbuddy tell? I'm shoor glad I got all thoze credit cards so I can pay for my nursing home care. Do they have gutters at nursing homes? Do they serve Fancy Feest? Whut are taxes? I don't think I've ever pade them becuz I'm whut yoo call a freeloader. THE END -- RtGC

It suks to be me, PT 2

No brekfist this morning, and then before I new it, they put me in a box and drove me to the torchur place agin. I peed in the box just to show them. At the torchur place they spent most of the day cheking my pee. Then they stuk needuls in me and I past owt frum the ordeel. Win I woke up, my gums hert. Then they stuk more needuls in me. Then the lady came. I skreemd "TAKE ME HOME TAKE ME HOME." I sed sum bad werds that are on Skeezix's bad werd list, too. The lady sed that for all the munny they spent, I shood werk on improoving my persunality so that I'm injoyabul to be arownd. Skrew them. The lady and the man were happy that I didn't have kid me problims. I never kid anybuddy, so I don't know whut thare talking abowt. The old man sed I still have a problim with my thigh roids, wich I gess is like hemroids, only lower. Skrew him. My mouth herts and I'm still hungrey frum starving all nite and day and I need a drink of water, and I think my thighs look pritty good for a geezer cat. THE END -- RtGC

I peed in the Howse

Last nite, I peed in the ree-sikuling box. It's ware they put my male with credit card offers before they take it out to the gutter for me. Lately, I've been having to drink lots of water, wich of korse makes me have to pee a lot. I was in the house, but the man closed the door to the upstares so I coodn't git downstares to the cat box. So I went to tell the lady, but she just thot I was whining, wich I do a lot. So I climed in the ree-sikuling box and peed. I was emberussed, but whut was I supposed to do? The lady didn't git mad at me becuz she knew I coodn't help myself. She's nice that way. I was so emberussed, I reely wanted to stay outside, so the lady let me go outside, and she put my cushy bed with the warming pad on the porch for me. I like that better than sleeping in the howse. I don't like having to pee so much. I'm suppost to be the bartender for Skeezix's berthday party next week. I wunder if I can do it if I have to pee all the time? THE END --- RtGC

It suks to be me

Yep, that's me in a box on the cold silver table. I had to go to the vet. Even werse, I had to ride in the bloo masheen with the wite rat hoo kept telling me to stop kussing. I kust all the way thare and back. The wite rat likes riding in the bloo masheen and seeing the vet. The wite rat is a freek. They poked needuls in me and looked at my pee and looked at my teeth that have jinjer vinus. Even werse than that, I have to go back to the vet on Munday. Sumthing abowt my kidneys and all the water I'm drinking. I'm fine, I'm frisky, and I don't wanna go to the vet anymore.

Evry Nite's a Sleepover

The Food Lady has bin forsing me to stay in the howse at nite, wich I reely hated at ferst, but now it's not so bad. Last nite, Mao and Skeezix and I played chase together for like the ferst time ever. It was fun. I'm not wild abowt spending the nite away frum the gutter becuz in the howse it takes a lot of time to find all the places to mark my territorey, and I'd rather spend the time nappin'. I'm eeting like six or seven cans of cat food a day now, since I have to bulk up for winter, wich is the cold part of the yeer. I don't know how that skinny runt Skeezix makes it thru the winter without freezing to deth since he has zero body fat. Well, akshully, I do know -- he wares those stoopid sissy outfits. THE END --- RtGC

My Reel Age

I took this qwiz, wich told me that my reel age was 56, not 82 (in hyooman yeers). It asked whut I ate, and wether I werked owt and stuff and a bunch of other qweschuns. Yoo can take the qwiz heer. For a geezer like me hoo feels yunger than the calender sez I am, it was a reel pik-me-up to diskuvver that I reely AM spry. Gotta go now -- time to run up a tree! THE END --- RtGC

My Bench

Heer is a pikchur of my bench. As yoo can see, it is a nice bench. It is next to my summer home in the driveway, and it's kind of like an upstares. It gives me a good vantij point to patrol the premises. Mao always sez I only patrol the gutter, but that's not troo, and Mao is hardly ever outside. So win he's not outside, I have to do all the patroling. It's hard werk.

In this pikchur, I'm keeping an eegul eye on the sidewok. The sidewok is ware I see most of the introoders. It is next to my home in the gutter. I hate introoders, espeshully win they are dawgs.

The bench is nice to sit on win it's reely hot or reely cold outside becuz it duzn't git as hot or cold as the cement. Since I'm a geezer cat, I feel the cold more than yung wipper-snapper cats do. THE END -- RtGC

Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt

I have an importunt annownsmint to make. After days of R&D, my frend Mao and me have develupt an importunt new produkt: Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt. I don't know why Mao insisted that it be called that. I think it shood be called "Rocky and Mao's Vishus Deer Repelunt," but Mao argyooze so lowd I just give in so he'll shut his yap-hole.

This patin-pending formyooluh is garunteed to keep the vishus deer frum eeting yoo. It comes with a money-bak garuntee. That meens, if the vishus deer eet yoo after yoo use this amazing product, yoo'll git evry penny of yer money bak. Me and Mao are doing this so all of Skeezix's littul cat frends can relax and not werry abowt the vishus deer. And, if yoo order in the next fifteen minutes, yoo'll get my best-selling booklit, "Queer Eye for the Gutter Guy" absolootely free. Just send all yer allowince to me and Mao heer: Big Pointy-Roof House after the curve in the Street with the Bloo Masheens out frunt, Castro Valley by the big forest.

Sleepover with Skeezix

Last nite, the peepul desided that I shood sleep inside the howse. They evin gave me a sleeping bag. Well, uzhually I hate even just being in the howse, much less spending the nite thare (it makes me nervus that thare is no mulch in the howse to krap in), but this time it was kind of cold and damp outside, so I gave it a try. Skeezix wanted to stay up late playing chase, but once he settled down I was abul to nap. After all, sleepover meens yoo SLEEP.

I liked it. It was warmer in the howse than in my gutter bedroom. I even used the catbox downstares to pee in in the morning wich tho it wasn't mulch was okay to pee in. Maybe I'll do anuther sleepover sumtime. THE END --- RtGC

It was a good nite

The food lady and man spent a long time last nite out by the gutter with me. They got a new contrapshun called the Celestron SkyScout that they yooze win they do that thing ware they look strate up in the air. I don't know why they do that, but they were pritty enthrawlled. They took turns, and hooever wasn't looking thru the gizmo held me on their sholder and skratcht me behind my neck like I reely love. Then they sat with me in the gutter and talked to me abowt stuff. I can't remember whut, but it was nice. Win the clowds came they wint bak in the howse and I spent the rest of the nite in the gutter. THE END --- RtGC

Whut Catmint Looks Like

Heer is my inside frend Skeezix owt in his harniss for a walk. He's batting beez in the Catmint. A few of yoo asked whut Catmint was, so I thot I'd show yoo a pikchur. This is just a small pikchur of it, but the Catmint is very ginormous. I sumtimes sleep in the middul of it. It smells good and it's pritty and I haloosinate. I like haloosinating. It's fun. Yoo shood try it. I don't like Skeezix gitting his smell all over my Catmint, but forchunitly, he's not owt in my Catmint very offin. THE END --- RtGC

Whut a Krappy Week

That stoopid Skeezix not only red all my male, but he made a list of it, commented on it, and put it on his blog. CAN YOO BELEEVE THAT??? And now evry singul cat on the innernet is tokking abowt my male and my credit cards and how I'm trying to buy a new car for my gutter. I feel like my sole has been bared to the werld.

Plus, the peeple haven't bin hitting any homeruns with cat food flavers this week.

Plus, thare was a flotilla of stranjers hoo visited this weekend, and they were very lowd and thare were very many of them and they PARKED THARE BIG HONKIN SUVS IN MY GUTTER and they called me "Roger" insted of "Rocky."

I hate my life.

THE END --- RtGC

Rumble!

Me and Mao had a rumble last Saturday (did yoo ever notis thare's a "turd" in the middle of Saturday?) at midnite. Rosie and Cheeto sugjested it. That's the reel reezin Mao is kranky. I whooped his sorry MaoBUTT. I may be a geezer cat, but I know gutter cat fiting tekneeks and I have streetsmarts. THE END --- RtGC

What Catmint Is

Sumbuddy asked me abowt what catmint is. Akording to the innernet, catmint is a hairy aromatic perennial herb having whorls of small white purple-spotted flowers in a terminal spike; used in the past as a domestic remedy; strongly attractive to cats. Yoo can git it frum a nursrey ware yoo buy baby plants. Ask for Nepeta grandiflora. Yoo can reed a lot abowt catmint heer. Catmint is in the same family as catnip. I don't know what that meens, becuz I didn't know plants had moms and dads. But evidently catmint does. Catmint is like catnip but it is a reely nice decorutiv plant with purpul flowers. The lady at our howse makes shoor thare is lots of catmint planted wareever we liv. Naybur cats come over to role in it. That can suk. THE END --- RtGC

Funny moovey

This is a reely funney moovey. SEE HOW SMART BLAK AND WITE CATS ARE???

Don't Switch to Blogger Beta

I don't recummend switching to the Blogger beta. It suks. And yoo can't switch bak. And yoo mite not be able to leeve comments on non-beta blogs sumtimes. If yoo have trubbul leeving comments on my blog, sign in as "other". THE END --- RtGC

I'm being impersunayted!!!!!

I wuz shokt to see that thare is anuther tuxedo cat owt thare going by the name of Rockey, trying to impersunate me. Well, thare's only ONE Rocky the Gutter Cat. Accept no substitooshuns.

Catmint Dreemz

Last nite, I slept in the bed of Catmint, wich is just like nip, only thare's way more of it and it has pritty purpul flowers. I had wild dreemz. It was grate. And I woke up wanting to eet evrything in site. Akshully, that's pritty much the case evry time I wake up. THE END --- RtGC

Skeezix's Stroles

Evry few nites, Skeezix the wite rat inside cat gits put in this big red contrapshun called a stroler and they take him arownd the nayburhood. He looks reely stoopid in it, if yoo ask me, but he seems to like it. Last nite they wint for a strole. I didn't follow them like I often do becuz I was just getting settled in for a driveway nap, and I was in the "nap zone." The driveway is ware I liv win our naybur Mr Tinydik runs his water down the gutter for haff the day. THE END --- RtGC

Maybe I AM a Geezer Cat!

My good frend Kismet the Big Man Cat sent me to a calkyoolater wich told me how old I was in hyooman yeers: 82. That sownds like a lot. I don't think it's rite becuz I'm still friskey, and I clime trees and hunt salamanders and chase after dawgs. THE END --- RtGC

I've bin tagged

I must be popyulur, becuz I've been tagged. Heer's the deel:

Post 5 weird things/habits about yourself. Choose 5 cats to be tagged and list their names. The cats who get tagged need to write a blog about their 5 weird things/habits, as well as state this rule clearly, then tag 5 more victims. Don't forget to leave your victim a comment that says "you're tagged!" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. The inside of my mouth is pink and black. So are my pawpads.
2. Win it's hot I lay on my back. The hotter it gits, the more I stretch out.
3. I love being held over the ladey's sholder, and scratched on the back of my neck. I go into a transe win she does that.
4. I liv in the gutter. They've tride to keep me owt of the gutter, but I refyooz, becuz I like it. But win it's cold, they put owt a heated cat bed for me on the porch. The porch is not in the gutter, but I do sleep thare win its cold or rainey. I refyooz to go in the howse. Win they try to force me to liv in the howse (wich is far infeeriyer to the gutter), I pee all over evrything until they let me go out.
5. I krap in the mulch.

THE END --- RtGC

My breed is in wikepedia too

My inside frend Skeezix is always bragging abowt how his breed (Oriyentul Shorthare) is in the Wikipedia, and how he's best frends with Mitey Mite, one of the cats in the pikchur on Wikipedia.

Well, MY BREED is also on Wikepedia with the most fameus tuxedo cat ever --- Socks --- in the foto. I'm not a persunal frend of Socks, but I feel like I am. Yoo can reed Socks biograffy here.

I also have a cuzzin named Oreo hoo is a Tuxedo cat. Oreo is not fameus. We are abowt the same age (way old). Oreo livs in a place called Linkin, wich is in the hills far far away. Poor Oreo duzn't have a nice gutter to live in. She lives in the wild outdoors. THE END --- RtGC

Strolin'

Last nite, my inside frend Skeezix went for a ride in his stroler. They tride to put me in the stroler, but I was like, "No way, Hozay!" I'm not a strolin' cat; I'm a gutter cat. But I followed them win they wint down the street. I went up two gutters and then I lade down in the gutter and napped. They turnd arownd and came back the other direction becuz Trip was following them. (Trip is the pane in the but stray cat hoo wants me to be his frend. He crashes on my cowch in the gutter sumtimes and I don't like it.)

Anyway, I followed them back the other direkshun until I got tired, wich was at the next-door naybur's gutter. Then I pooped in the naybur's mulch, and I forgit what happend after that. THE END --- RtGC

My Portabul Cabana

Heer is a nice feechur of my howse. It has a portabul cabana on tires that roles in and out of the gutter. Win it's thare, it provides nice shade and a place to hang out away frum prying eyes and the pawpurratzi that sumtimes hang out looking to git a shot of Skeezix the inside cat. It's a nice bloo culler. I like it. THE END --- RtGC

The Adventures of ME!

My frend Skeezix is a filmmaker. This is his secund moovey project. It's called "The Adventures of Rocky the Gutter Cat". He asked me to star in it, wich meens the moovey is all abowt ME. I didn't git a trayler during the filming to git fixed up in wich was reely a disappointmint becuz I love trayler parks, but Skeez' explaned to me that this was a low bujit independint film, so traylers wernt part of the deel. I thot it turnd owt pritty good. And see, I'm alreddy dressd in my tuxedoe for the preemeer. THE END --- RtGC

Yum!

Last nite wuz a good nite. The ladey brot home a rotissery chikin frum a place calld Rustiko. Thoze Rustiko chikins are reel good. Thare jooosy and tendur and I luv 'em. The ladey and the man eet sum and then giv me sum kut up in nice small peeces as a speshul dinner treet. Uzhually, that goze on for at leest 2 or 3 nites in a row, wich meens I'll git sum tonite, too. That's good. I can't wate. THE END --- RtGC

Playing Ded

I know exactly 1 trik: playing ded. It always kind of freeks out the peeple, and I can see out of the korner of my eye that thare looking at me, trying to figyur out if I'm rodekill or not. Then they'll call to me and of korse I ignore them. So they'll come up closer to see if I'm breething, and I hold my breth and hold reel still, and just win I sense thare abowt to panik, I stretch and role over, and they almost always go "OH, Rocky, yoo funney cat!" And then I go bak to sleep, wich is my profeshun, in case yoo didn't know. Wunce, I was playing ded in the gutter and I fooled sum peeple walking by. They dubbled bak, and stopped to see if I was breething, and so I held my breth, and I cood heer them asking eech other what they shood do, and then I rolled over and they just abowt krapped thare pants. It was very very funney. THE END --- RtGC

Unabul to blog today

I can't blog today, becuz I'm owt taking down posters. THE END --- RtGC

I put up posters

I spent the day (even tho it is still hot) putting up posters to help find Kismet's persun. Kismet's my frend, so I'm happy to help. Thare were lots of posters to put up. Skeezix printed them owt until the print masheen ran owt of ink. Heer is a pikchur of me putting one on a telefone pole. Skeezix coodn't do it becuz he's an inside cat and can only go out on the harniss or in his stroler, and it was urjint that we get the posters up. So I did. THE END --- RtGC

I'm meeeellllllllttttinng!

Bad enuf it's so hot, but I hav to spend the entire day lissening to Mao wine abowt how hot is it. I think I'll see if I can push him into the pool. THE END --- RtGC

The Screem

Heer's a pikchur of me win I used to liv in the howse. It's kind of the Rocky the Gutter Cat version of Edvard Munch's "The Screem." Except I'm lying down. It shows off my howrglass figyoor nicely. Hey, by the way, thanks for dropping by my blog. I used to think blogs were stoopid, but I've kind of chanjed my mind. THE END --- RtGC