- Ware a Yankees kap. Chiks dig sports guyz and athuleets.
- Rite a blog.
- Git a Hugh Hefner smoking jakkit to ware in the grotto. I don't have wun but Kismet duz, and EVRYWUN knows he's a regyuler chik magnit.
- Git horns implantid in yer 4hed. I have herd that win yoo have horns, the ladeez can sense yoo are reddy to git down to bizniss.
- Go to the vet a lot and rite abowt it on yer blog. The chiks' Florinse Niteingale whoremones will start kikking in, and they'll wunt to "nurse yoo bak to helth." Let them.
- Good dentul high-jeens. Win yer breth is kissing sweet, the chiks are more inklined to wunt to kiss yoo.
- Let the chiks do all the talking. They like to talk, so let em.
- Git a dweebie baby bruther like Skeez hood wet his pants if he got close to a gerl. Wimmin are all over him becuz he's so "kyoot" but he coodn't date his way outta a paper bag. That's win big bruther Rocky stands bak and skoops up the overflow. It's like shootin fish in a barrul.
- I always ware a tuxeedo. Chiks dig guyz in tuxedos, and it is sed that evry guy looks good in a tuxedo. That spicey littul vixin Rosie calls it a munkey soot. Whutever. It's a good look for me, and it wood be a good look for yoo.
- Lern to nap with yer eyes open. That way, win the chik is yakkin' and yakkin' abowt the "relayshunship," yoo can git sum shuteye wile simultaneyusly skoring points for being a good lissiner.
- Git a hoohaectomy. It's no piknik, but theeze daze, no chik wunts to date a guy unless he's shooting blanks.
- Be a moovey star. Win "The Advenchurs of Rocky the Gutter Cat" was reeleest, I had to fend off the chiks with a stik. I thot of chanjing my name to Rocky Pitt.
- Know yer nip. Chiks mite not wunt to admit it, but they'd much rather date a konnusoor like me hoo knows skank weed frum the primo stuff and can show them a good time than sum guy hoo don't know buds frum stems. And wunce they git a few wiffs, yoo'll have them eeting frum the palm of yer paw.
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THE END --- RtGC