Wordless Wenzday

I herted my paw

I think the Spicy Vixins need to dress up in thare nurses owtfits and come over and take care of ol' Rocky Boy. I herted my paw this morning. It bleeded. The peepul got home frum the cherch thing they go to and saw the blud on my paw and they asked, "Rocky, what'd ja do to yer paw?" And I just kinda shrugd my sholders and din't tell them. They cuddled me and put sum hurty liqwid on it and tride to ixamin it and menshund sumthing abowt the V-E-T wich is always BAD NEWZ (ixsept if the vet givs me good psykadelik drugs). Skeezix offerd to put on his dokter's owtfit, but yoo know, he's just not the same as a spicy vixin. And he's a littul too eeger to put a thermomuter up my poophole. --- THE END --- RtGC

I offishully have an appytite

For brekfist this morning I ate two jars of baby food and part of a plate of Fansy Feest. Later I ate 4 more jars of baby food. Baby food is vary good. So I think I'm gonna start insisting on it. Spicy Vixin Sadie posted a git well foto on her blog wich had me standing at attenshun if yoo know whut I meen. And forchewnitly that Daisy cat hazn't bin bak to sing any of her syruping sweet git well songs --- kyoot kid, but she is NOT a singer (sorry, Skeez, but it's da trooth). I'm still spending a lot of time in the shower. Skeez' came and vizited me thare wich was hard for him becuz he hates water so much. But I like it. It's nice and cool and pryvit. Not unlike my gutter, wich they still won't let me go owtside to.

Hey Look! It's Skeezy!

Hey Look! Skeezy finely fownd his muther!

SCORE! Part 2

So me and Mao watcht Skeezy run arown lookin' for Easter eggs. He was vary ixsited. He even stood up on his hine legs to look for eggs far away. Whut a dweeb. He coodn't understand why me an Mao were just hangin', watchin' him do all the legwork.

Anyway, wile Mao played the lookowt, I got to Skeezix's Easter baskit and I opened up all the eggs and me and Mao took whut was inside. Stuff like nip and toys and Temptayshuns --- reely good stuff --- inclooding some stuff frum his best frends Dutchess and Gordy! And then we put the eggs bak together agin, and the wite rat never new the difrinse. He just thot it was a fun egg hunt. We do this evry yeer. He's a littul slow -- he hasn't cot on yet!

SCORE!!!!

No, not a baseball refrinse. Me and Mao have figyerd owt how to go thru the stuff the guy in the bloo shorts leeves evry day, and find the stuff adrest to the wite rat and konfiskate it. Like today. Gold mine. The wite rat's frends Boogers, Fido and Honda sent him a pawsome catnip pillow that was fild with primo stuff. Me and Mao inspekted that littul item until, qwite frankly, it was history. (If yooda smelt it, yoo wood have dun ixzaktly the same thing... it was sweet!) And thare was a Eester card frum that gerl Daisy for him. We're still trying to figyer owt whut to do with that! Maybe rite sumthing like, "Deer Skeezix, yer vary nice, but I want to be that big ManCat Rocky's spicy vixin." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is vary fun.

Skeezix is Sik

My buddy Skeezix is sik. He's too sik to blog. The ladey brot him home in the prizzin box today and he wint to bed and he's bin in bed ever sinse. He won't eet anything. He duzn't even wunt to shop for kyoot owtfits on the innernet. But he hasn't throne up sinse he got home. He has to go bak to the vet man on Munday. They put flooids in him and giv him medisins. I don't have anybuddy to play with. I hope he'll be okay, sinse he's my only frend. THE END --- RtGC

Skeezie's bin serfing porn ... or has he?

Skeezy has bin beehaving vary oddly the last few daze. Then yesterday, win the peepul were at cherch, I notist that he'd be on the compyooter with his big noze rite up aginst the skreen, and then he wood run and git a drink of water and then go bak to the compyooter skreen. And he did this over and over agin for most of the morning. Well, since I'm the oldest and am kinda reesponsibul for him win the peepul are not in the howse, I wint to investigate. And I FOWND PORN ON THE SKREEN HE'D BIN LOOKING AT! So, I got closer and looked reel hard to make shur it was porn, and I snift to see if I cood smell any good smells, and then I lookt for the parentul kontrol button so that the peepul woodn't see that on the skreen win they got home and blame it on me. And then suddinly I realized that the porn ho on the skreen wasn't a porn ho at all --- it was Skeezy's speshul frend Daisy. (I didn't rekugnize her withowt her hot pokka dot spagetti strap dress.) So I left reel qwik becuz akording to Man Roolz, yoo can't be kot looking at anuther cat's porn ho, espeshully win he's her speshul frend. Sorry, Skeez, my bad. THE END --- RtGC

Fund-Razing Auction to help Brandi's Mom: ENDS TODAY!

This is frum Skeezix's blog. He askt me to post it. Bidding ends at midnite tonite PST.


Heer's Mao's descripshun:
Most of yoo know that Brandi's mom's unemploymint runs owt this munth: and after that, NUTHING! Things are vary scary for them. So, as promist, Mao is auctioning off his byootiful pink satin boodwahr robe (just like mine, ixsept a size MED) and give the proseeds to Brandi's mom. This is the vary same fame-us robe that Mao pozed in for a challinge, and then Kismet pozed in for a challinge. This byootiful robe is a medium size, and IT HAS MAO's SMELL and KISMET'S SMELL on it. AND Rocky has agreed to sleep on it so it has his smell, too, and he has been likking himself on it. So it's reely a one-of-a-kind item yoo can't git anyware else! Even if yer not a robe-waring cat, just being abul to sniff all thoze smells is reezin enuf to buy it!

And Mao and Rocky have agreed to donate a can of Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt to the highest bidder! And I'm also donayting one of my majik morfing Skeezix mugs! So the high bidder gits:

• Pink Satin robe with Mao, Rocky and Kismet's smell on it
• An awtografft foto of Mao's boodwahr shot waring the robe
• A can of Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt
• A majik morfing Skeezix mug!

The robe is pink satin with a comfy terry lining and it's trimmed in furry stuff. It has a modesty tie arownd the waste. Yoo can reed all the deetales of this robe by klikking heer.

>> GO HEER to REED ALL the DEETALES and submit a bid (DO NOT submit bids on this post.)

Happy Noo Yeer!

... and a Happy Gotchaversery to DaisyMae Maus, my harem qween!!!!

I got a hat

The wite rat done good today. I HATE my stoopid vishus deer antlers, so Skeez' lended me his Yankees cap (the wun he got frum Jeter Harris) to cuvver them up, and it's dun wunders for my self-esteem.

OK, I admit it, I'm a frisky geezer

The Food Lady busted me on making owt like I'm on deth's doorstep just to get more votes in the Werld's Coolest Cat Kontest, so she made me put up a foto showing me playing so yoo'll see that I'm frisky and spry. This was taken just before the man fixt the tunnul box so that it won't collapse win Skeez jumps on top of it. This is a grate box. It has holes (like windoze) cut in the sides so we can poke owr arms thru. The lady pinned a tinsel toy to the seeling, wich is whut I'm batting at with my paw. Me and Skeez play in the tunnel box at leest an howr evry nite. He runs into the tunnel, and I poke at him frum owtside, and he pokes at me frum inside. THE END - RtGC

I'm a finulist

Me and Skeezix are both finulists in Catster's Werld's Coolest Cat Competishun. I have TWO fotos that made it to the finuls. Both are of me on my bak, wich is appropriut, since that's ware I am most of the time if I'm not peeing or eeting.

Yoo can only cast one vote for Best in Show, wich makes it hard! Now, I know yoo all wunt Skeezix to win, but let me put in my sorry plee for yer vote:

• I'm an old geezer cat. This may be the very last kontest I ever git to enter.


• If I win, win I'm having my pee problims, I'll be abul to think of thoze happy daze win I was the Werld's Koolest Cat, and it mite take my mind off the pane.


• Skeezix is only 2 yeers old, and he has abowt 20 more chanses to enter agin before he dies.


• I pee a LOT, and that meens both freeqwintly and qwantitativly. So I need that automated catbox more than Skeez.


• Skeezix can go enter a cat show if he wunts to win sumthing. I'm a no-papers mixed breed frum the pownd hoo can't enter cat shows.


• Did I menshun that I'm an old geezer cat and this may be the very last kontest I ever git to enter?

So pleeze, vote for me. Or vote for Skeez if yoo must. But VOTE!

And if yoo vote for me, I rekummend voting for my "Stretch and Yawn" foto becuz I think the sleeper categorey is sewn up by an upstart kitten hoo illegully yoozd the Photoshop Kyoot Filter. THE END --- RtGC

Formerly Feral Friday

This is a pikchur of Trip', owr stray cat. He used to be feral, but the lady got him tame and then she took him in the bloo masheen and got his goodie sak whacked, and she feeds him, and she got him a heeted cat bed, and he comes in the howse sumtimes, so he's not reely feral anymore. Well, ixsept for the fakt that he's psyko.

This is a pikchur of him dressing like that sissy, Skeezix. In fakt, Skeezix was vary upset that Trip was waring the speshul Halloween boa that Somoa got him. Skeezix jumped onto the raling upstares and yelled and yelled and yelled in that pathetik sqweeky voice of his. Trip didn't care. He was all over them fethers.

Anyways, since I am formerly ferul myself, I giv Trip a brake, since I know fersthand that life on the streets is hard. He's not a bad sort, just a littul too overenthooziastik. And psyko.

THE END --- RtGC

MY Thursday Thirteen

My best frend Skeezix and Mao did sumthing called a Thursday Thirteen, so I thot I'd give it a try. Heer are thirteen things I do evry day:

1. Eet 6 or 7 cans of Fancy Feest Turkey and Giblets in the green can.
2. Sleep on the chare in the cat bedroom.
3. Sleep in the green cooshun chare by the lake in the bak yard.
4. Drink a few galluns of water owt of the big lake in the bak yard.
5. Hang owt in the gutter.
6. Sit in the cat mint.
7. Krap in the mulch.
8. Eet gutter grass.
9. Rekreeayshun: Do nip and play with the felt mousie and clime the walls. Play chase with Skeezix.
10. Win the man in the bloo shorts comes, chek to see if I have any credit card offers or other male. If I do, fill owt the offers and put them bak in the box for the man in the bloo shorts to take away.
11. Wine for food.
12. Drink the kitty water fowntin in the house dry.
13. Pee big briks in the litter box upstares.

That's it. Now whut? --- THE END - RtGC

My Helth

I am surprizd by how menny of yoo cats are asking abowt my helth -- spesifikly abowt how my pee problim is doing. So heer's the update:

1. No more ubstrukshuns. No more vet trips.


2. They've bin forsing me to stay inside at nite wich at ferst I detested, but now I'm a regyuler nitetime inside cat. Skeez' got a lot of good nip for his berthday, and he's very nice to share it with me. And he's gotten me to play with him. I haven't played sinse Joonyer wint away. Joonyer was Mao's bruther hoo Skeez' "replayst". Joonyer was my best frend. He was the ferst cat hoo playd with me, and we became best frends. We'd cuddul up and sleep together. He was the gratest. Then something happend, and Joonyer wuzn't heer any more. That made me deprest, and that's win I desided to go bak to being a fulltime owtside cat, and I didn't play anymore. Skeez came to liv with us, and he wunted to play, but I wuz too deprest over Joonyer to play with Skeez' (hoo frankly, got on my nervs), and I never saw him much becuz he was an inside cat, and I was an owtside cat. So win my pee problim got bad and I was forst to stay inside, I had to spend more time with the wite rat. He got me playin agin. It's nice. I like playin'. It's fun. I git so nipped owt that I literully clime the walls win I play with Skeez. I'm FRISKY. We like to chase eech other fast thru the howse. It makes me purrr.


3. They put medisin goop on my eers for my thigh roids problim. I have no ideeyuh why they put it on my eer, and not my thighz. I also have no ideeyuh why "thigh" has a "gh" on the end.


4. I won't know until I get crammed into the cardbord prizzin box win I go to the vet next. Maybe never. Maybe today. I just don't know. They won't tell me becuz they think I'll run away if I know. Thare rite.

Thank yoo all fer yer consern. It's nice. THE END --- RtGC

PS: Heer's sum pikchurs of me with my best frend Joonyer:

It suks to be me

Yep, that's me in a box on the cold silver table. I had to go to the vet. Even werse, I had to ride in the bloo masheen with the wite rat hoo kept telling me to stop kussing. I kust all the way thare and back. The wite rat likes riding in the bloo masheen and seeing the vet. The wite rat is a freek. They poked needuls in me and looked at my pee and looked at my teeth that have jinjer vinus. Even werse than that, I have to go back to the vet on Munday. Sumthing abowt my kidneys and all the water I'm drinking. I'm fine, I'm frisky, and I don't wanna go to the vet anymore.

Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt

I have an importunt annownsmint to make. After days of R&D, my frend Mao and me have develupt an importunt new produkt: Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt. I don't know why Mao insisted that it be called that. I think it shood be called "Rocky and Mao's Vishus Deer Repelunt," but Mao argyooze so lowd I just give in so he'll shut his yap-hole.

This patin-pending formyooluh is garunteed to keep the vishus deer frum eeting yoo. It comes with a money-bak garuntee. That meens, if the vishus deer eet yoo after yoo use this amazing product, yoo'll git evry penny of yer money bak. Me and Mao are doing this so all of Skeezix's littul cat frends can relax and not werry abowt the vishus deer. And, if yoo order in the next fifteen minutes, yoo'll get my best-selling booklit, "Queer Eye for the Gutter Guy" absolootely free. Just send all yer allowince to me and Mao heer: Big Pointy-Roof House after the curve in the Street with the Bloo Masheens out frunt, Castro Valley by the big forest.

Sleepover with Skeezix

Last nite, the peepul desided that I shood sleep inside the howse. They evin gave me a sleeping bag. Well, uzhually I hate even just being in the howse, much less spending the nite thare (it makes me nervus that thare is no mulch in the howse to krap in), but this time it was kind of cold and damp outside, so I gave it a try. Skeezix wanted to stay up late playing chase, but once he settled down I was abul to nap. After all, sleepover meens yoo SLEEP.

I liked it. It was warmer in the howse than in my gutter bedroom. I even used the catbox downstares to pee in in the morning wich tho it wasn't mulch was okay to pee in. Maybe I'll do anuther sleepover sumtime. THE END --- RtGC

Whut Catmint Looks Like

Heer is my inside frend Skeezix owt in his harniss for a walk. He's batting beez in the Catmint. A few of yoo asked whut Catmint was, so I thot I'd show yoo a pikchur. This is just a small pikchur of it, but the Catmint is very ginormous. I sumtimes sleep in the middul of it. It smells good and it's pritty and I haloosinate. I like haloosinating. It's fun. Yoo shood try it. I don't like Skeezix gitting his smell all over my Catmint, but forchunitly, he's not owt in my Catmint very offin. THE END --- RtGC