Thursday, July 26, 2007


...AND THE WINNERS ARE: Karl and Anastasia of The Cat Realm! Concats to both of yoo!


It's time to gess win I will post my 200th blog post. And I mite not have any kontrol over it cuz Tripper mite hijak my blog for his own deemented perposes. Pleeze reed all the roolz carefully, cuz thare a littul bit diffrint than in the past:

  • This time arownd, the one hoo gesses closest BEEFORE THE DATE/TIME OF THE WINNING POST PASSES wins. I know it's confyoozing, so I'll give yoo an ixzample.... if the winning post is on August 31st at 11:51 pm and the two closest gesses were August 31st at 8am and September 10th at 8am, the winner is the Sept 10th gess. So, once the date/time of yer gess has passed, yer owt of the running if the winning post has not yet bin posted.
  • Only cats with blogs or Catster IDs are elijibul. In addishun, Titus the dawg and Fiona Bun can enter, and the Poi rats, too, cuz Ratatooey was a good moovey.
  • Only one gess per HOWSEHOLD. So yoo all will need to come to sum agreement and enter just one gess. If yoo try and enter more than one gess per howsehold, all of yer howsehold's entreez will be disqwalifide.
  • Only gesses entered in the comments feeld of this post are elijibul.
  • TRIPPER IS NOT ELIGIBUL. Neether is Skeeze or Mao.
  • It's my kontest, so I can change the roolz anytime I wunt (thanks, Skeezix!).
  • Once yoo gess, yoo cannot change yer gess.
  • If there is a tie, the gess wich was submitted the erliest wins.
  • If yoo do not enter am or pm, it will deefalt to am.



As yoo all know, we're rite smak in the middul of Vishus Deer Seezin. So the prize pakije will offer sum things that will help all of yoo get thru this terryfying time of the yeer in one peese:

1) A can of the patent-pending Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt

2) A NO VISHUS DEER mini-buttun for evry cat in yer howse.

3) A NO VISHUS DEER magnit for yer reefrijerayter.

4) A NO VISHUS DEER bumper stikker says "GO AWAY, VISHUS DEER! I've got Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt and I'm not afrade to use it!"

5) Yer choice of A Whirlybird Cat Exercise toy* OR if yoo alreddy have one, reeplacemint berdies for yer Whirlybird (hoo duzn't go thru thoze like a bowl of Fish Flakes?)

6) A Nipapalooza! A cullekshun of primo nip and nip parafenalyuh.

This is not the kontest of the milleniyum, but it's still pritty darned good!
* Can't ship outside the U.S. If non-US rezidint wins, will substitoot sumthing of eqwal or grater valyoo.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Tuxie Toozday: It's Grr, Midnight & Cocoa Day!

We are proklayming today to be "Grr, Midnight & Cocoa Day"! Becuz they werked vary vary hard to find two nice tuxies a home! On July 14th, I posted abowt 2 tuxies (that we red abowt on Zevo Calamari's blog) hoo needed a home fast! Grr, Midnight and Cocoa qwikly wint to werk and fownd a frend of Allergic Gerl's hoo agreed to take BOTH of them and give them a grate home! YAY YAY YAY!!!! Grr, Midnight and Cocoa, THE TUXIES OF THE WERLD SALOOT YOO!!!!

Pleeze drop by thare place and give 'em a high five!

UPDATE!!! Alas, the adopshun fell thru (but it's still Grr, Midnight & Cocoa Day cuz they always go the distinse in finding new homes for cats in need - cuz they were in that pozishun once themselfs). Terns owt, the gerl hoo wuz going to adopt them is abowt to start collije and her parents didn't feel that she wood have the time avaylubul to soshulize theeze sweet tuxies properly (they're still a littul on the ferul side and need TLC -- but hey, that psyko stray cat Tripper was kompleetly wild win the Food Lady started werking on him, and now he's a big snugglebuddy akording to the FL [he duzn't bunnykikk her].) So, we're bak to ware we were. Anybuddy wunt to adopt some Callyfornya tuxies for Tuxie Toozday???

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Ware I live now

Ixsept for win I go owt on the balkunney, heer is ware I spend my day and all nite, too: da bed. Yoo can see that I've got my furrs on it. Or maybe thoze are Sadie's or DMM's. It is vary cumfterbul. The ladey bot me a starecase that she puts next to the bed so I can klime up eezy. Otherwize, I kinda hafta claw my way to the top. The starecase is much better. Sumbuddy askt whut a boobwalker is. A boobwalker is a cat hoo spends da nite walking bak and forth acrost the ladey's chest, waking her up, making her yell, and gitting all the cats throwed owt of the room. Mao is a boobwalker. I am not. I know better. I sleep in ixzaktly one spot all nite long and purr becuz I have a good life. THE END ---- RtGC

Monday, July 16, 2007

Sadie Tagged Me

Sadie tagged me for a meme, and she's gonna wet her pants if I don't do it, so heer goze:

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Ten yeers ago I was living in the ferst howse I ever lived in. I wuzn't a geezer then and I didn't have thigh roids or kid me problims. I was spry. I was an owtside cat cuz the inside was rooled by Perl the Holy Terrer hoo thot she owned the place. This was arownd the time that Perl got a new job as a rat killer and wint to live with my Ant Joanne in Bakersfeeld. Once Perl left, my life got better. And my vary best frend Joonyer came to live with us. He tot me how to rassle and have fun. Mao wuz arownd, but him an me never ixzaktly saw eye 2 eye we just keep owr distinss. Ixsept win we have to do bizniss together.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Hangin in the gutter, dreeming of Spicy Vixins. I din't have any Spicy Vixins yet; I just dreemed abowt them. Did a lot of nip.

5 snacks you enjoy?
  1. Fish Flakes (thanks, Daisy!!!!)
  2. Powderd Pit'r Pats
  3. That's it.

5 songs to which you know all the lyrics?
Rocky Mowntin Hi
Wild and Untamed Thing frum the Rocky Horror Pikcher Show
Ketch 22 - Rocky
Rocky theem song
Rock this Town by the Stray Cats

5 things you would do if you were a millionaire?
  1. Reetire frum the Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt Bizniss and take it eezy
  2. Kidnap the vet man and have sumbuddy sit on him wile I put cold things up his booty
  3. Buy the werld's supply of catnip
  4. By a howse for Tripper on the other side of the planit
  5. Take all the spicy vixins on a shopping spree to Viktoreeyus Seekrit

5 bad habits?
Hmmm, it's hard to narrow it down to just five, but heer goze:

  1. Nip
  2. Catnip Seegars
  3. The peepul think I wine too much
  4. Peein' inappropreeitly
  5. Drawing blud win I go to the vet man's

5 things you enjoy doing?

  1. Nappin'
  2. Nippin'
  3. Spicy Vixins
  4. Making fun of Skeezy -- all in good fun
  5. Eetin' baby food

5 things you would never wear again?
I uzhully let it all hang owt, and sumtimes I ware the Yankey cap (thanks, Jete'), but I kinda LIKE waring da Yankey cap and I ware it a lot, so I don't think thare's anything I'd never ware agin.

5 favorite toys?

  1. Felt mousie
  2. Paper bag
  3. String
  4. The Weejy Bord game that the man plays with me
  5. Anything stuft with Catnip (ixsept not the catnip banananana that Trip wrekked cuz it has his spit and his grunjey furrs on it)

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Two Tuxies in Desprit Need of a Home

This is a kross-post frum Zevo Calamari's blog. Two grate tuxies in the San Deeaygo area need a home and time is running owt for them. Heer's the storey:

Attention to all those who live in or near San Diego!

We are looking for a good home for these two nice cats. A member of Zevo's fan club has written with this request:

"I would like to know if you know any sites for adoptions for scared kitties or
anyone that would be interested in helping me out.. I have had these two tuxedos I rescued months ago. They are litter trained, spayed, shots, Advantage, de-wormed. I adopted out two already and am left with the two females. I have been socializing them, but they still need more.

"I visit them twice a day in a pool house on another property and they're running out of time. They need to be in a home with people. I found these kitties in the garden. I am looking for an inside only home with no dogs or little children. I don't know what to do at this point I have been trying for months on Craigslist and got nothing but flakes. I would keep them but I have two dogs that hate cats. "

Please Help!!!!!!!


Only those who are serious should use this email address
alan AT mrconstruction DOT com

If you know of anyone who can help please pass this on.


So if yoo've always wunted to have a Rocky Boy or a DaisyMae or a Sadie of yer own, now's yer chanse!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

How my hart is doing....

I've bin askt how my hart is doing an stuff. I wint to the dokter last week and the nooz was all good. My hart seems to be okay, no mermer or anything, and my thigh roids is under kontrol... Win I wint to the emerjinsy vet, it was at 17, an my next test it was 18.3, but my test last week shode it at abowt 1. It needs to be under 5 or sumthing like that to be helthy. So I sellubrated with a beer win the lady made beer can chikkin. I still hafta take pills twice a day for the rest of my life, but I'm better abowt taking them now than I used to be. I also gaynd a pownd of wate sinse win I was at the vet a munth ago. That's also good nooz. But the bad nooz is that I do nuthin' but sleep. But the good nooz is the peepul let me sleep with them evry nite wich I've never dun in my life. I sleep in ixzaktly the same spot all nite long, so they don't git mad abowt me walking akrost thare faces or boobs a hundred times a nite like Mao duz. I sleep on the peepul bed most of the day, too. I like it. Espeshully win my spicy vixins come over. THE END --- RtGC

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Trip an Rocky's Big Advenchur

TRIP: HI EVRYBUDDDY !!!!!! !!! !!!!!!! !!!!! !!! !!!! WOW it was GRATE to meet yoo all at the big berthday bash! I had a lot of fun mixing drinks and chasing moths and sorry abowt PUKING IN THE TREET BOWL I thot it was a planter or sumthing I'd never seeen KITTY GRASS beefore. Rocky sez its not the KIND YOO SMOKE. Me, I'm always SMOKIN' just like Jim Carrey sed in that MOOVEY was it THE MASK? I LOVE JIM CARREY and Jerry Lewus too. I'm on Rocky's blog today cuz THAY WON'T LET ME HAVE A BLOG OF MY OWN so me and Rock are gonna talk abowt owr big advencher that we wint on together to the VETS at Bullevard Pet Hospitul !!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!

ROCKY: Trip, remember whut I sed abowt not using evry singul color and font in existense???

TRIP: Oh, yeah. Sorry. Can I talk now Mr KNOW IT ALL???

ROCKY: Trip, yoo go rite ahed.

TRIP: OKAY. Well, the best part was gitting to SHOOT, ROCKY! I CAN'T BLOG IN ONE COLOR!!!!

ROCKY: If yoo wanna be on my blog, yoo hafta blog in ONE COLOR. THEMS THE ROOLZ.

TRIP: Sheesh. Well it started win they put me in this prizzin box that they BOT JUST FOR ME!!!! That meens they wunt to keep me! They dint have one that was big enuf so they got me my own and it is the best of all the prizzin boxes and IT EVEN HAS A MOONROOF!!!!!! Yoo can look owt of it just like I'm doing heer:

See, isn't it grate??? And we GOT TO RIDE IN THE BLOO MASHEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The last time they did this, my hoo ha's got stolen. So I thot maybe we were going to git them bak! Heer's Rocky and me, side by side: rode trip buds!

ROCKY: We were NOT rode trip buds.

TRIP: It wasn't ixzaktly a reelaxing drive cuz Rocky was moaning over and over and over "Draw BLUD! Draw BLUD!" It was kinda gitting on my nervs.

ROCKY: Yeah, for all the good it did. I nailed three of 'em and YOO didn't even ixtend a klaw or bar a tooth the entire time!!!!!!! Yer supost to be psyko yoo dimwit.

TRIP: Rock, I was having TOO MUCH FUN!!!!!

ROCKY: Whutever.

TRIP: And so the wite leg man sat down with me for a wile and sed soothing things to me like, "Tripper, buddy, how ya doin'?" I cood see NEERLY EVRYTHING frum my moonroof but Rocky coodn't cuz he had the old beet up geezer PTU. HAHAHAHAHAAHA!

ROCKY: Tripper, shutup.

TRIP: And they poked me and and stuk cold things up ware they shoodn't be stikking them -- rite arownd Spot #13.

TRIP: And they stikt needuls in me!

It was no piknik for me, eether. The man hoo was not the uzhual vet man stuk his tung owt at me and then shined a lazer beem into my eyes, wich led me to suspekt he cood be in kahoots with da vishus deer!!!! It's ok. He did not eskape unskaythed.

TRIP: We wzs in a room with lots of pikchers of that stuk up kranky cat hoo livs with us and that big eared sqweek toy: thare sellebrities! Did yoo know that? And the man in the wite kote sed I was a nice cat one of the nicest he's ever SEEN and win he sed that, the ladey sed, "Yoo wunt him?" HAHAHAHAAHA sumtimes she kraks me up.

ROCKY: I don't think the ladey wuz joking.
And don't call me Rock. It's "Rocky". Heer's anuther torcher pikcher. It took 2 of them to hold me down. Pownd for pownd, that shoze yoo just how strong I am! I just kept thinkin thots of an afternoon surrownded by Spicy Vixins.

ROCKY: The werst part of the hole krappy day was on the way home, Tripper krapt and peed in his PTU. WAY TO GO, TRIP!!!

TRIP: Don't call me TRIP --- it's Tripper the Psyko Stray Cat to yoo.

ROCKY: It always makes me laff to see how fast the peepul can role down the windows win yoo evakyooate yer bowels inside thare car with the nice lether seets.

TRIP: I dint like that part. I got dookey on my booty. And on the rest of me, too. I got imberrust.

ROCKY: Dood, yoo were awesum!!! All of a suddin, the ladey was drivin' like she was at Maliboo Grand Pree. She rownded one of the korners on two tires!

TRIP: It was pritty stinky.

ROCKY: And then, win they got home, they had to immeediutly give yoo a bath.

TRIP: I don't think I liked that part. They gave my nice new box a bath, too. Even the moonroof got a bath.

ROCKY: But Trip, why in the Sam Hill didn't yoo use yer claws and skratch them to peeses win yoo got yer bath?

TRIP: Shoot. I dunno. Was I supost to? I was distrakted cuz I didn't wunt my nice new box to smell like dookie.

ROCKY: Whutever. I slept the rest of the day.

TRIP: I coodn't sleep. I wuz too izsited!!!!! I think the peepul wunt to keep me!

ROCKY: Time to sine off, Trip.

TRIP: Can I use colors?

ROCKY: Nope.

TRIP : Rats. OK then. Life is grate! Laffin an Laffin!

ROCKY: That's Jeter's line, Trip. Yoo need yer own.

TRIP: How abowt "Life's a Trip!"

ROCKY: That'll do.

My Prezint frum Kimo and Sabi

Yesturday was my 16th berthday. Thanks to evrybuddy for coming to the birthday party! I got sum prezints. One was a gift frum Kimo and Sabi to me AND Mao, but Mao was owtside and woodn't come in, so I wint ahed withowt him.

I red the note on Kimo and Sabi's prezint. It sed, "Deer Mao & Rocky - This should help you wif identifying some spicy vixins. Happy Gurl watchin from da balcony. Happy Purrthday! Love, Kimo & Sabi."

Hmmm. So far so good! But whut cood it be????

I unrapt it to discuver THE BEST PREZINT EVER: The Cat Butts Field Guide WITH cat butts inklooded! Kimo and Sabi reememberd that I'm a butts man. I love da big byootiful bootays!

So, I did a littul hit of nip and sat down to study..... as my deer frend Jeter Harris wood say, "I'm laffin an laffin'!"
I think maybe I'm not gonna tell Mao that we were ment to share this prezint!

Monday, July 02, 2007

Mopey Munday

I'll admit, I've got a case of the Munday Blues. Skeezix has bin a pane lately -- he won't let me git on the compyooter to vizit all my Spicy Vixins (in fakt he's bin akting even stranjer than uzhual, if that's even possible), and my 16th berthday is coming up and I think evrywun has fergotten it agin this yeer, even tho it mite be my last, AND nobuddy has inqwired abowt renting my gutter. Mao sed I shood set up a box next to the FOR RENT sine with a bunch of papers in it called "Take Ones." On the Take Ones yoo list all the grate things abowt yer gutter but yoo artfully twist the werds arownd so that bad things sownd grate. So like, it has this problim of gitting water in it wile yer trying to sleep in it becuz Mr Tinydik waters his lawn for many howrs at a time and the water goze in my gutter. So on the Take One yoo make it sownd like a reely grate feecher insted of a bad thing, like one of the following:
  • Indoor pool
  • Water feecher runs thru the property
  • Awtomatik watering sistem
Mao sez that it's mostly just nozey naybers hoo take the Take Ones, but yoo only need one renter to take it and fall in luv with the place. So, I'm off to find owt ware I can buy a plastik box to put my Take Ones in. Geez, I didn't realize renting my gutter wood be so much werk.