Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Monday, December 22, 2008

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Duz anybuddy wunt Tripper for Krissmiss?

That stoopid Trip has bin trying to make me his spicy vixin. Winever he sees me he runs over and liks me all over my body for like ten minits until I'm soking wet. I try to preetend he's Sadie or Halloween or DMM or one of my other vixins, but thare's no gitting arownd that he has guy breth. And he also has no konsept of purrsunul space. HE TUCHES ME WIN I'M TRYING TO NAP! Win I tell him we're not buddies, he just liks me sum more. Parker, can we ship him to yoo for a Krissmiss prezint???

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Eer Hares

Win yoo git to be a geezer like me, yer eer hares git all long and wild and owt of control and this is whut they look like. I have fownd that this terns sum vixins on. THE END --- RtGC

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Thursday, October 09, 2008

What duh ....?

So Mao was krankier than usual this morning. I think his kranky pants were givin' him a wedgie. Wich meens he was VARY LOWD. An uzhully I don't choo the fat with him cuz he bums my high, but this morning I had to ask, "Whut's up wit choo?" And then I got the news. Sinse Skeez is a Catster lackey now, I CANNOT ENTER THE SLEEPER CATEGORY OF THE WERLD'S COOLEST CAT CONTEST THIS YEER!!!! I have bin praktissing and praktissing gitting my sleepn' skills down so that I can DOMINATE the category only to lern that I can't enter. I wun that category in 2006 (forchewnitly, werd got owt abowt Gordy's illegal use of the Photoshop Kyoot Filter), and I was a finalist last yeer, and this yeer, with lots of praktiss, I was shur I cood go all the way. I OWN THAT CATEGORY, MAN! I meen, nappin', it's whut I DO!

I need a vixin fix.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Gutter Improovemints

I've upgraded my gutter with a Linkin. I think yoo vixins will like it.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Rocky's Male Bag

Well, yoo'll need to klik and biggify it to reed it, but heer is a vary ixsiting thing I got in my emale box today. It's an invitayshun for a Porsche Lemans weekend. And I can bring along a gest. Hmmmm, wich one of my spicy vixins shood I take? The one hoo's bin WOOHOOing Jeter Harris?

Well, it terns owt the SV hoo's bin WOOHOOing Jeter Harris also gave me a Visa card award this week, and it will come in handy to pay for the Porsche weekend. So all is furgived. C'mon on, Sadie, pak sum toys and nip and let's go fur a lost weekend!!!!

Now I just hafta figyer owt wich deddykayted reeders of my blog to pass this award along to!

Friday, August 29, 2008

Rocky's Male Bag

I got sum good male today. It's fur a bettin' site. I like gamblin'.
I chekt owt the inside. It looked pritty good. Yoo can bet on football, and yoo can play blakjak. And, they have spicy WOO HOO vixins on the inside. WOO HOO WOO HOO WOO HOO! (Take that, Sadie. I can WOO HOO with the best of 'em.)

I love my Football Playbook betting book. I just wanna kiss it.
Gamblin is fun. It mite even be more lukritive than the VDR bizniss!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Gutter Chek

I've bin feelin' pritty good lately, so I wint owtside to chek on my gutter to see how it is.

Hmmm. Mr Tinydik is still letting 50 millyun galluns of water run down the street EVEN THO WE HAVE A DROWT and all that water makes my gutter too wet to sleep in. Not much has changed sinse the last time I kundukted a gutter inspekshun.

The sidewalk is still pritty cumfterbul. I'll just krash heer for a bit.

I am livvin the life of Riley. Life is good.

Duhr. Hooz Riley? (channeling my inner Jeter Harris.)

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Hubba Hubba .... or not

Like many of yoo, I have closely bin following the story of the 44 pownd cat in Noo Jerzey. I thot she was hot. I wuz gonna rite her an emale to git her to join my harum.

But it terns owt she is a he hooz reel name is Powder (no reelayshun to Perfectly Parker's Powder, I don't think). Now I've got to disinfekt my brane fur thinking all thoze lood thots abowt how hot she was win I thot he was a she. Maybey now that I'm 17 yeers old, my eyesite is shot.

Sunday, July 27, 2008


Given all of the reesint vishus deer sitings, sum of yoo have ixprest konsern over not being abul to order enuf Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt to keep yoo safe. Rest asherd, produkshun continyooz at rekerd levels.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Open Letter to that Stoopid Psyko Tripper

Deer Tripper,

Dood, I am a DOOD. I don't know whut kind of psyko mind games yer tryin to play with me, but I've sed it beefore and I'll say it agin: DO. NOT. LIK. ME.      EVER. This morning win yoo jumped up on the bed and gave me 18 (yes, 18, I was cownting) liks on my hed, I had to spend the rest of the day trying to git that imije owt of my mind and I coodn't nap cuz I thot I'd have dreems abowt yoo and me and Karl and Ruis going to Karnival together. I AM NOT YER SPICY VIXIN. That's whut Parker's for. So why don't yoo by a grayhownd bus tikkit for OH-HI-OH and give her a vizit. And leeve me alone furrever yoo psyko loozer.

Rocky the Guttercat

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Wondercat Wenzday

I liked this kartoon. Yoo shood watch it. Even tho Wundercat is not a Tuxie.
The Amazing Adventures of Wondercat

An animated New Yorker cartoon by Jack Ziegler

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Win it's hot....

... the man makes a nice bed:

Thare's even room for a cupple of Spicy Vixins!

Friday, June 20, 2008


This morning, wile me and the Man were sleepin' in, Tripper ran into the bedroom and jumpt on the bed and came up to me and likt likt likt likt me on the 4hed like I was a member of his harum. That cat is reely psyko. I'll be spending the rest of the day gitting the TripSpit offa my 4hed. THE END --- RtGC

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


This is my entrey in Kimo and Sabi's JUMP and SHOWT kontest. Jumpin is a littul ruff with my arthuritis, so showtin is eezier. Have yoo enterd???? The dedline is May 31st.

Friday, May 23, 2008

RIP Bonnie Underfoot

Bonnie Underfoot has gone to the Bridge. Evrybuddy in my howse is vary vary sad abowt this. It makes me kontemplate my mortality. Or morality. I git the two confyoozed. Bonnie was a grate cat and a grate frend. I look forwerd to meeting yoo at the Bridge, B.U.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


So, I wuz layin' on the bed nappin' win I herd sumbuddy jump up on the bed. Immeediutly, I thot maybey Sadie or DMM or Fiona or Halloween or one of my other 80 spicy vixins had come over for sum luvvin. I love it win they come over for sum luvvin. So I rolled over and sed, "Hello Byootiful!" (I've lernd frum ixpeeriense that yoo use a term of endeermint insted of thare ferst names so yoo don't git yerself into trubbul!) But insted of a lushus spicy vixin, I was staring strate in the face of THAT PYSKO CAT TRIPPER!!!!! I got the heebey jeebeeze. Tripper is NOT one my spicy vixins. And I coodn't make him git down cuz he ways a millyun pownds more than me. So I wint bak to sleep. THE END --- RtGC

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


This is Randy. He's the Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt Werld Hedqwarter's Employee of the Week. He's a reel go gitter. And he purrsunnully prodooses the stinky sekrit ingreedients that go into owr patented produkt. Randy, we saloot yoo!

Sunday, May 04, 2008


Last nite win evrybuddy was in the peepul bed, that psyko Tripper was trying to klime over the gate to brake into the upstares. He was makin' so much noize that the man let him in for a littul wile just to show him we wern't havin' fun withowt him, we were just reedin' and sleepin' and stuff. Well, Tripper jumpt up on the bed and ran strate over to me and started KISSIN' ME!!! I was like, Dood!!! I'm a dood!!! Don't git all Karl and Ruis on me!!!! (not that thare's anything rong with that) And Trip is such an idiut he was just sittin' thare sayin' "What'd I do??" It's a littul imberrissing to reeport this insidint, but I wunted to make shur yoo mancats know that if yoo see Trip galluping toward yoo, run like the wind the other way cuz he's pysko and yoo never know whut he's going to do. THE END. --- Rocky the Gutter Cat

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Hay, lookee at whut I fownd

.... a sombrero! And just in time for Sinko duh My Oh!

OK, senyoreetas! Time to line up for a littul siesta time with ole' Rocky!

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Vishus Deer Repelunt Produkshun continyoos


I know that with the reesint siting of vishus deer praktikly storming the gates at the hedqwarters of the Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt Faktery, sum of yoo may be werried abowt the availubility of Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt. DO NOT WERRY. We are fully staft to continyoo to prodoose enuf VDR to keep all yoo tender yung joosy cats safe.

Meet Randy. He's owr produkshun snoopervizer and he makes shur that we always have enuf raw ingreedients to keep up with the overwelming deemand for VDR. See? Look at thoze beedy littul eyes: have yoo ever seen a more trustwerthy face? Randy's owr man! He's also in charje of the intern program.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Calling all Vixins!

WOW. I fownd this reely grate bed up on top of one of the ded compyooter teevees in the office. It kinda smells like Mao, but finders keepers, it's my luv nest now. It has a cushy mat that's heeted and keeps me toasty warm. And it sleeps plenty of spicy vixins. Yoo can see me heer calculating how many vixins will fit up thare with me. It was sum hard thinkin, cuz the math is complikayted seeing as how at leest two of my vixins --- Halloween and Sadie --- are porkers and take up as much space as 4 skinny vixins. That's okay tho, cuz they are good luvvin vixins, and thare werth it, even if as not as many vixins can be up in the heeted bed with me.

Monday, March 10, 2008


I had a vary fine weekend. As yoo all know, I spend my entire day frum brekfist to dinner sleepin inside the red stroler that is in the garaje. I dunno why they call it a stroler, cuz it just sits thare it shood be called a sitter. But anyway, imajine my surprize this weekend win I discuverd sevrul pints of Ginniss stuft under the cooshuns in the stroler. SKORE! C'mon over ladeez, the pawty's at my place!!!!

Friday, February 29, 2008

Give Sadie yer support

My look-alike faverite spicy vixin, Sadie got told by the stoopid vet guy that she's a porker and needs to looze wate. Evrybuddy noze that's just a lame excyoose the vet mans use to make peepul buy ixpensive diet food wich tastes like cardbord and makes us looze owr wills to live. Ferst of all, Sadie is dammd HOT. No matter how much she ways. Secund of all, my furchin almost drags the grownd and withowt the extra powndidje, I'd look like Skeezix, hoo is a greate littul guy and all that, but he looks like a skellytun he's so skinney. He duzn't have any luv handuls to hold onto win yer having sexy times. Not that I've looked at him in that way. But yoo just can't git good cuddling in with a rat-bodied cat. Sadie is a good snuggler. I think I mite rite her vet a letter.

If yoo have a minit, cood yoo drop by and tell Sadie yoo think she's hot just the way she is? I think that wood cheer her up. THE END --- RtGC

Monday, February 25, 2008

Spring is Sprung... sorta

Hey, evrybuddy! Spring is just arownd the korner, so chek owt this grate contest by Simply Simeeze! Not only do yoo git a chanse to win fabyulus prizes, but evry entry erns a $1 donayshun to Project Ham! And to sweeten the pot, if the total number of entries gits over 40, Skeeze and Mao and me and that pysko Tripper will eech donate $10 for a total of a $40 donayshun to Project Ham. Project Ham is a projekt to keep owr best frends Sammy and Miles in ham wile thare Food Lady and man are owt of werk. Sammy and Miles have bin bloggin even longer than I have: thare praktikly an institooshun!!! So whip up an entry today! Heer's the link:

Monday, February 11, 2008

Rocky's Male Bag

Being a biznisscat, I git a lot of male. Heer is one I got today frum sumbuddy hoo wunts to Chase me. Yoo can biggify it to reed it better:

The part by the red arrow reely got my attenshun!

Your check will be sent directly to you.
A check for up to $40,000 will be sent to you in as little as two business days of final processing. You can cash it immediately. Use the money for any educational expense, including this semester's tuition, housing a laptop computer or study abroad.
So, theeze chase people are gonna give me $40,000 to git a laptop computer and study a broad. I think I'm gonna study the effekts of catnip on the luhbeedo. WOO HOO! Party at my howse!!! Line up gerls! Hoo is gonna be the ferst broad for me to study????

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Whut I've bin up to

Nuthing much exciting has bin happening. Yesterday, the peepul took that stoopid Tripper away in the bloo masheen and he wasn't with them with they came bak. I was vary happy, like they finely figyerd owt whut an oafish werthliss big galloot he is and deesided to give him a one-way trip to the sausage faktery. I even kikt up my heels. But later they brot him bak. He smelt better and he had his bak and his booty bak by his Spot 13 shaved. I think it's called a boyzilian. I'm sorry, thare's just no way I'm letting anybuddy with klippers down thare. Just goze to proove that Tripper's a freek. He was vary happy abowt the hole thing like he had the time of his life. Freek.

Anyway, heer's whut I do every day. Wake up, eet chow. Complane abowt whut I wuz givvin to eet. Git my thigh-roid pill shuvd down my throte. Wine to go downstares. Wine to go owtside. Go owtside, walk arownd to the garaje door and klime into the nice red Jeep Rubicon cat bed that's in the garaje. It's cumfterbul. Sleep all day. Git brung in the howse win its time for dinner. Eet chow. Complane abowt whut I wuz givvin to eet. Sleep in the man's office chare. Git my thigh-roid pill shuvd down my throte.

I had bin sleeping all nite in the peepul bed, but one nite the ladey cawt me starting to pee in a place that was not the cat box. Boy, is she a lite sleeper! So I sleep in the man's office chare all nite insted. Boring boring boring.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

My Wenzday Wench

This is Miss Kitty. She's in my harum. She knowed I was a littul down becuz Mao came bak and I won't git to be the alfa cat, so she klimed on top of the car and rided frum Marrypozuh to Castro Valley to cumfert me. As yoo can see, she's a lotta woo0-man. And she made me feel better. So she's gonna be my Wednesday Wench.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Man, my weekend sukt

I was gitting all happy to finely git to be the top dawg alfa cat cuz I thot that stoopid Mao finely mooved owt, but it wasn't permanint and he came bak today and so now I won't git to be alfa cat. Win he was gone, me and Skeez got to sleep with the peepul, but now we're lokt owt of the peepul bedroom agin. And I alreddy reedeezined the labels for Mao and Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt. I need sum vixins to cheer me up.