Whut kind of vishus ranedeer I am....

You Are Blitzen

Always in good spirits, you're the reindeer who loves to party down with Santa. Why You're Naughty: You're always blitzed on Christmas Eve, while flying! Why You're Nice: You mix up a mean "vishus deer" or a Catmopolitan for yer faverit vixens.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

I got my horns reemoovd!

Bad nooz is, I had to git bak in the kardbord prizzin box and go to the Bulevard Pet Hospitul Torcher Chamber today. Good nooz is, he reemoovd my horns! Bad nooz is, he had to stapul my forehed so my branes won't leek owt. Badder nooz is, I still have to go bak next week to have the stapuls reemoved.

But at leest I no longer look like a vishus deer.

Sadie, Daisy Mae, or any of the rest of yoo gerls wanna come over and nurse poor ole' Rockyboy bak to helth??? THE END --- RtGC

Rocky's Male bag

I got a cuppul of things besides credit card offers in the male this week.

The ferst one was an offer of a job:

Dear Rockford Nichols,

Acurian, a company specializing in patient recruitment of clincal trials, is working with a pharmaceutical company to find individuals willing to potentially participate in a clinical trial for prevention of migraine headaches. If you experience frequent and painful headaches, we would like to provide you with information on this trial that may be of interest to you or your family.

Only through the interest of study volunteers do new treatment options get tested so that they may be approved by the FDA and become available to people who need them. Please allow Acurian the opportunity to share with you information about this trial for headache prevention.

If you would like more information on this trial, simply visit www.acuriantrials.com, or call 1-800-981-8065 between 8 am and 10 pm (EST) Monday - Friday.

Sincerely,
Christopher Haines, MD

That sownds pritty good. I don't have headache problims, but maybe they can help with my pee problims!

The second was a valyubul set of FREE TIKITS that came in a speshul invitayshun frum Donald Trump's closest advizer! Eech tikit is werth $149.

Heer's whut it sed:

Dear Rockford,

Because you were referred to me, I wanted to personally invite you as my VIP guest to hear my story and be trained by "4" of my personal mentors, who are some of the wealthiest self-made multi-millionarie experts in America. We will share with you our unique wealth creating secrets and strategies. As my special VIP guest, I have enclosed two (2) complimentary tickets and you will receive a free special edition of "TRUMP Strategies for Real-Estate Billionaire Lessons for the Small Investor" at the conference. The normal tuition fee of $149 is waived for you.

It kind of goze on and on after that, but I skipped over it becuz all I wunt to know is ware to sine up! I'm gonna take my frend Mao with me so that we can lern sum tips on how to market Mao and Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt and become rich millionaires. If we lern any good money-making tips, we'll let yoo know! THE END --- RtGC

Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt

I have an importunt annownsmint to make. After days of R&D, my frend Mao and me have develupt an importunt new produkt: Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt. I don't know why Mao insisted that it be called that. I think it shood be called "Rocky and Mao's Vishus Deer Repelunt," but Mao argyooze so lowd I just give in so he'll shut his yap-hole.

This patin-pending formyooluh is garunteed to keep the vishus deer frum eeting yoo. It comes with a money-bak garuntee. That meens, if the vishus deer eet yoo after yoo use this amazing product, yoo'll git evry penny of yer money bak. Me and Mao are doing this so all of Skeezix's littul cat frends can relax and not werry abowt the vishus deer. And, if yoo order in the next fifteen minutes, yoo'll get my best-selling booklit, "Queer Eye for the Gutter Guy" absolootely free. Just send all yer allowince to me and Mao heer: Big Pointy-Roof House after the curve in the Street with the Bloo Masheens out frunt, Castro Valley by the big forest.