The ferst one was an offer of a job:
Dear Rockford Nichols,
Acurian, a company specializing in patient recruitment of clincal trials, is working with a pharmaceutical company to find individuals willing to potentially participate in a clinical trial for prevention of migraine headaches. If you experience frequent and painful headaches, we would like to provide you with information on this trial that may be of interest to you or your family.
Only through the interest of study volunteers do new treatment options get tested so that they may be approved by the FDA and become available to people who need them. Please allow Acurian the opportunity to share with you information about this trial for headache prevention.
If you would like more information on this trial, simply visit www.acuriantrials.com, or call 1-800-981-8065 between 8 am and 10 pm (EST) Monday - Friday.
Sincerely,
Christopher Haines, MD
That sownds pritty good. I don't have headache problims, but maybe they can help with my pee problims!
The second was a valyubul set of FREE TIKITS that came in a speshul invitayshun frum Donald Trump's closest advizer! Eech tikit is werth $149.
Heer's whut it sed:
Dear Rockford,
Because you were referred to me, I wanted to personally invite you as my VIP guest to hear my story and be trained by "4" of my personal mentors, who are some of the wealthiest self-made multi-millionarie experts in America. We will share with you our unique wealth creating secrets and strategies. As my special VIP guest, I have enclosed two (2) complimentary tickets and you will receive a free special edition of "TRUMP Strategies for Real-Estate Billionaire Lessons for the Small Investor" at the conference. The normal tuition fee of $149 is waived for you.
It kind of goze on and on after that, but I skipped over it becuz all I wunt to know is ware to sine up! I'm gonna take my frend Mao with me so that we can lern sum tips on how to market Mao and Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt and become rich millionaires. If we lern any good money-making tips, we'll let yoo know! THE END --- RtGC
4 comments:
Boy, Rocky, you get all the GOOD mail. When your company has an IPO, can we get in on the ground floor?
We never get anything addressed to us (except for the party pack from Skeezix which was GREAT), but Mom lets us have some of the "occupant" mail.
~J&B
Hey Rocky, maybe we cood use the tikits to lern how we cood use a cupal of those parsils of free land to make ourselfs sqwilion airs. OH, oh, oh, we cood get lik 4 and bild a fabyoolus casino and get rich.
o, Rocky, u does git good mail.
You'll probably be one of those overnight success stories and become a multi-millionaire. We could use some deer repellent in our yard 'cause they ate most of Mom's hosta this year and it made her really made at them.
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