What duh ....?

So Mao was krankier than usual this morning. I think his kranky pants were givin' him a wedgie. Wich meens he was VARY LOWD. An uzhully I don't choo the fat with him cuz he bums my high, but this morning I had to ask, "Whut's up wit choo?" And then I got the news. Sinse Skeez is a Catster lackey now, I CANNOT ENTER THE SLEEPER CATEGORY OF THE WERLD'S COOLEST CAT CONTEST THIS YEER!!!! I have bin praktissing and praktissing gitting my sleepn' skills down so that I can DOMINATE the category only to lern that I can't enter. I wun that category in 2006 (forchewnitly, werd got owt abowt Gordy's illegal use of the Photoshop Kyoot Filter), and I was a finalist last yeer, and this yeer, with lots of praktiss, I was shur I cood go all the way. I OWN THAT CATEGORY, MAN! I meen, nappin', it's whut I DO!

I need a vixin fix.

Oops. I did it agin.

Well, ladeez, I did it agin. I managed to skore a finulists spot in Catster's Werld's Coolest Cat Contest. As yoo all know, I eeked owt a win in the sleeper category last yeer, wich I was shur I didn't stand a chanse in cuz Gordy sumhow got hold of Photoshop's kyoot filter but sumhow a mirukul occurred and I beet him... but this yeer he's gonna take away Skeezy's krown in the Costoooms and Shades category with his grate stuntman owtfit. HAHAHA! Take that, Skeez!

But even tho Gordy (thank dog) is not in my category, I still have stiff competishun. Fur ixzampul:

and

So once agin this yeer, I'll have to put in my sorry plee for yer vote for Best in Show. Heer are the reezins yoo shood vote for me insted of Skeezix or Mao or Trip or any of the other entreez:

1. I'm an old geezer cat. This may be the very last kontest I ever git to enter.
2. If I win, win I'm having my pee problims, I'll be abul to think of thoze happy daze win I was the Werld's Koolest Cat, and it mite take my mind off the pane.
3. Skeezix is only 2 3 yeers old, and he has abowt 20 19 more chanses to enter agin before he dies.
4. I pee a LOT, and that meens both freeqwintly and qwantitativly. So I need that yeer's supply of cat litter more than Skeez.
5. Skeezix can go enter a cat show if he wunts to win sumthing. I'm a no-papers mixed breed frum the pownd hoo can't enter cat shows.
6. Did I menshun that I'm an old geezer cat and this may be the very last kontest I ever git to enter?

SCORE! Part 2

So me and Mao watcht Skeezy run arown lookin' for Easter eggs. He was vary ixsited. He even stood up on his hine legs to look for eggs far away. Whut a dweeb. He coodn't understand why me an Mao were just hangin', watchin' him do all the legwork.

Anyway, wile Mao played the lookowt, I got to Skeezix's Easter baskit and I opened up all the eggs and me and Mao took whut was inside. Stuff like nip and toys and Temptayshuns --- reely good stuff --- inclooding some stuff frum his best frends Dutchess and Gordy! And then we put the eggs bak together agin, and the wite rat never new the difrinse. He just thot it was a fun egg hunt. We do this evry yeer. He's a littul slow -- he hasn't cot on yet!