Thursday, November 30, 2006

My Thursday Thirteen

Rocky the Gutter Cat's Thirteen Ways to Attrakt the Chiks
  1. Ware a Yankees kap. Chiks dig sports guyz and athuleets.
  2. Rite a blog.
  3. Git a Hugh Hefner smoking jakkit to ware in the grotto. I don't have wun but Kismet duz, and EVRYWUN knows he's a regyuler chik magnit.
  4. Git horns implantid in yer 4hed. I have herd that win yoo have horns, the ladeez can sense yoo are reddy to git down to bizniss.
  5. Go to the vet a lot and rite abowt it on yer blog. The chiks' Florinse Niteingale whoremones will start kikking in, and they'll wunt to "nurse yoo bak to helth." Let them.
  6. Good dentul high-jeens. Win yer breth is kissing sweet, the chiks are more inklined to wunt to kiss yoo.
  7. Let the chiks do all the talking. They like to talk, so let em.
  8. Git a dweebie baby bruther like Skeez hood wet his pants if he got close to a gerl. Wimmin are all over him becuz he's so "kyoot" but he coodn't date his way outta a paper bag. That's win big bruther Rocky stands bak and skoops up the overflow. It's like shootin fish in a barrul.
  9. I always ware a tuxeedo. Chiks dig guyz in tuxedos, and it is sed that evry guy looks good in a tuxedo. That spicey littul vixin Rosie calls it a munkey soot. Whutever. It's a good look for me, and it wood be a good look for yoo.
  10. Lern to nap with yer eyes open. That way, win the chik is yakkin' and yakkin' abowt the "relayshunship," yoo can git sum shuteye wile simultaneyusly skoring points for being a good lissiner.
  11. Git a hoohaectomy. It's no piknik, but theeze daze, no chik wunts to date a guy unless he's shooting blanks.
  12. Be a moovey star. Win "The Advenchurs of Rocky the Gutter Cat" was reeleest, I had to fend off the chiks with a stik. I thot of chanjing my name to Rocky Pitt.
  13. Know yer nip. Chiks mite not wunt to admit it, but they'd much rather date a konnusoor like me hoo knows skank weed frum the primo stuff and can show them a good time than sum guy hoo don't know buds frum stems. And wunce they git a few wiffs, yoo'll have them eeting frum the palm of yer paw.



DaisyMae Maus said...

Oh, Rocky ... You're so very right and have we girlies pegged. BTW, how're you feeling?
DaisyMae Maus

Jake and Bathsheba said...

Fabulous list, Rocky! I like it even more than Skeezix's and that's saying a lot. You rock!

~Bathsheba (being pulled by that srong magnet)

Lux said...

Wow, you've got it all down! You must have a lot of girls!

The Meezers said...

oh oh oh - we has to write these down - fabulous list!!!

Kaze, Latte, or Chase said...

Good advice man. I do have a problem though, and her name is Kaze. How do I get rid of my female frootbat so that I can get some real hot chiks in my life? Kaze's a meddler and doesn't like other chiks looking at her brothers.


Grr, Midnight & Cocoa said...

our Lady's gigglin' her butt off 'bout "whoremones". yur list is grate an furry informatif. didja see that DaisyMae called ya "super-sexy" in her blog? dude, you got it goin' on!

Kismet said...

Rocky, this is a great list. I can't think of a thing you missed!! You definitely need to get yourself a Hugh Hefner robe, and we can chill and talk to the ladies.

The Famous Five said...

Yo Rocky - you THE MAN

Speedy said...

Have yoo seen Sadie? She packed sum nip and teleported sumwear sayin she was gonna play nersy. I figgered it wuz prolly yoo she wuz goin to see cuz she felt bad about the horns and stuff. She's been teleported all nite and mom thinks she's sick on akount a she been sleeping so long.

Dragonheart said...

Great list Rokcy. :) Why would you want to attrakt chiks though? Is this something I'll learn about when I'm older?

Ariel said...

That's some list indeed.

Rosie & Cheeto said...

HAHAHA, owr lady was laffing laffing laffing at yer thursday thurteen post!

Hur favurite was: Git a dweebie baby bruther like Skeez...he coodn't date his way outta a paper bag.

I'm going to have to try that...lets see if I can get hur to get me a "skeezix". -Cheeto

Rosie & Cheeto said...

Oh Rocky- yoo do luk good in yer tuxedo! It's a vary dignified luk fur yoo. Hey, I gotta come ovur sumetime to check owt yer nip collecshun. -Rosie