Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt

I have an importunt annownsmint to make. After days of R&D, my frend Mao and me have develupt an importunt new produkt: Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt. I don't know why Mao insisted that it be called that. I think it shood be called "Rocky and Mao's Vishus Deer Repelunt," but Mao argyooze so lowd I just give in so he'll shut his yap-hole.

This patin-pending formyooluh is garunteed to keep the vishus deer frum eeting yoo. It comes with a money-bak garuntee. That meens, if the vishus deer eet yoo after yoo use this amazing product, yoo'll git evry penny of yer money bak. Me and Mao are doing this so all of Skeezix's littul cat frends can relax and not werry abowt the vishus deer. And, if yoo order in the next fifteen minutes, yoo'll get my best-selling booklit, "Queer Eye for the Gutter Guy" absolootely free. Just send all yer allowince to me and Mao heer: Big Pointy-Roof House after the curve in the Street with the Bloo Masheens out frunt, Castro Valley by the big forest.

Sleepover with Skeezix

Last nite, the peepul desided that I shood sleep inside the howse. They evin gave me a sleeping bag. Well, uzhually I hate even just being in the howse, much less spending the nite thare (it makes me nervus that thare is no mulch in the howse to krap in), but this time it was kind of cold and damp outside, so I gave it a try. Skeezix wanted to stay up late playing chase, but once he settled down I was abul to nap. After all, sleepover meens yoo SLEEP.

I liked it. It was warmer in the howse than in my gutter bedroom. I even used the catbox downstares to pee in in the morning wich tho it wasn't mulch was okay to pee in. Maybe I'll do anuther sleepover sumtime. THE END --- RtGC

It was a good nite

The food lady and man spent a long time last nite out by the gutter with me. They got a new contrapshun called the Celestron SkyScout that they yooze win they do that thing ware they look strate up in the air. I don't know why they do that, but they were pritty enthrawlled. They took turns, and hooever wasn't looking thru the gizmo held me on their sholder and skratcht me behind my neck like I reely love. Then they sat with me in the gutter and talked to me abowt stuff. I can't remember whut, but it was nice. Win the clowds came they wint bak in the howse and I spent the rest of the nite in the gutter. THE END --- RtGC

Whut Catmint Looks Like

Heer is my inside frend Skeezix owt in his harniss for a walk. He's batting beez in the Catmint. A few of yoo asked whut Catmint was, so I thot I'd show yoo a pikchur. This is just a small pikchur of it, but the Catmint is very ginormous. I sumtimes sleep in the middul of it. It smells good and it's pritty and I haloosinate. I like haloosinating. It's fun. Yoo shood try it. I don't like Skeezix gitting his smell all over my Catmint, but forchunitly, he's not owt in my Catmint very offin. THE END --- RtGC

Whut a Krappy Week

That stoopid Skeezix not only red all my male, but he made a list of it, commented on it, and put it on his blog. CAN YOO BELEEVE THAT??? And now evry singul cat on the innernet is tokking abowt my male and my credit cards and how I'm trying to buy a new car for my gutter. I feel like my sole has been bared to the werld.

Plus, the peeple haven't bin hitting any homeruns with cat food flavers this week.

Plus, thare was a flotilla of stranjers hoo visited this weekend, and they were very lowd and thare were very many of them and they PARKED THARE BIG HONKIN SUVS IN MY GUTTER and they called me "Roger" insted of "Rocky."

I hate my life.

THE END --- RtGC

Rumble!

Me and Mao had a rumble last Saturday (did yoo ever notis thare's a "turd" in the middle of Saturday?) at midnite. Rosie and Cheeto sugjested it. That's the reel reezin Mao is kranky. I whooped his sorry MaoBUTT. I may be a geezer cat, but I know gutter cat fiting tekneeks and I have streetsmarts. THE END --- RtGC

What Catmint Is

Sumbuddy asked me abowt what catmint is. Akording to the innernet, catmint is a hairy aromatic perennial herb having whorls of small white purple-spotted flowers in a terminal spike; used in the past as a domestic remedy; strongly attractive to cats. Yoo can git it frum a nursrey ware yoo buy baby plants. Ask for Nepeta grandiflora. Yoo can reed a lot abowt catmint heer. Catmint is in the same family as catnip. I don't know what that meens, becuz I didn't know plants had moms and dads. But evidently catmint does. Catmint is like catnip but it is a reely nice decorutiv plant with purpul flowers. The lady at our howse makes shoor thare is lots of catmint planted wareever we liv. Naybur cats come over to role in it. That can suk. THE END --- RtGC

Funny moovey

This is a reely funney moovey. SEE HOW SMART BLAK AND WITE CATS ARE???

Don't Switch to Blogger Beta

I don't recummend switching to the Blogger beta. It suks. And yoo can't switch bak. And yoo mite not be able to leeve comments on non-beta blogs sumtimes. If yoo have trubbul leeving comments on my blog, sign in as "other". THE END --- RtGC

I'm being impersunayted!!!!!

I wuz shokt to see that thare is anuther tuxedo cat owt thare going by the name of Rockey, trying to impersunate me. Well, thare's only ONE Rocky the Gutter Cat. Accept no substitooshuns.

Catmint Dreemz

Last nite, I slept in the bed of Catmint, wich is just like nip, only thare's way more of it and it has pritty purpul flowers. I had wild dreemz. It was grate. And I woke up wanting to eet evrything in site. Akshully, that's pritty much the case evry time I wake up. THE END --- RtGC

Skeezix's Stroles

Evry few nites, Skeezix the wite rat inside cat gits put in this big red contrapshun called a stroler and they take him arownd the nayburhood. He looks reely stoopid in it, if yoo ask me, but he seems to like it. Last nite they wint for a strole. I didn't follow them like I often do becuz I was just getting settled in for a driveway nap, and I was in the "nap zone." The driveway is ware I liv win our naybur Mr Tinydik runs his water down the gutter for haff the day. THE END --- RtGC

Maybe I AM a Geezer Cat!

My good frend Kismet the Big Man Cat sent me to a calkyoolater wich told me how old I was in hyooman yeers: 82. That sownds like a lot. I don't think it's rite becuz I'm still friskey, and I clime trees and hunt salamanders and chase after dawgs. THE END --- RtGC

I've bin tagged

I must be popyulur, becuz I've been tagged. Heer's the deel:

Post 5 weird things/habits about yourself. Choose 5 cats to be tagged and list their names. The cats who get tagged need to write a blog about their 5 weird things/habits, as well as state this rule clearly, then tag 5 more victims. Don't forget to leave your victim a comment that says "you're tagged!" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. The inside of my mouth is pink and black. So are my pawpads.
2. Win it's hot I lay on my back. The hotter it gits, the more I stretch out.
3. I love being held over the ladey's sholder, and scratched on the back of my neck. I go into a transe win she does that.
4. I liv in the gutter. They've tride to keep me owt of the gutter, but I refyooz, becuz I like it. But win it's cold, they put owt a heated cat bed for me on the porch. The porch is not in the gutter, but I do sleep thare win its cold or rainey. I refyooz to go in the howse. Win they try to force me to liv in the howse (wich is far infeeriyer to the gutter), I pee all over evrything until they let me go out.
5. I krap in the mulch.

THE END --- RtGC

My breed is in wikepedia too

My inside frend Skeezix is always bragging abowt how his breed (Oriyentul Shorthare) is in the Wikipedia, and how he's best frends with Mitey Mite, one of the cats in the pikchur on Wikipedia.

Well, MY BREED is also on Wikepedia with the most fameus tuxedo cat ever --- Socks --- in the foto. I'm not a persunal frend of Socks, but I feel like I am. Yoo can reed Socks biograffy here.

I also have a cuzzin named Oreo hoo is a Tuxedo cat. Oreo is not fameus. We are abowt the same age (way old). Oreo livs in a place called Linkin, wich is in the hills far far away. Poor Oreo duzn't have a nice gutter to live in. She lives in the wild outdoors. THE END --- RtGC

Strolin'

Last nite, my inside frend Skeezix went for a ride in his stroler. They tride to put me in the stroler, but I was like, "No way, Hozay!" I'm not a strolin' cat; I'm a gutter cat. But I followed them win they wint down the street. I went up two gutters and then I lade down in the gutter and napped. They turnd arownd and came back the other direction becuz Trip was following them. (Trip is the pane in the but stray cat hoo wants me to be his frend. He crashes on my cowch in the gutter sumtimes and I don't like it.)

Anyway, I followed them back the other direkshun until I got tired, wich was at the next-door naybur's gutter. Then I pooped in the naybur's mulch, and I forgit what happend after that. THE END --- RtGC

My Portabul Cabana

Heer is a nice feechur of my howse. It has a portabul cabana on tires that roles in and out of the gutter. Win it's thare, it provides nice shade and a place to hang out away frum prying eyes and the pawpurratzi that sumtimes hang out looking to git a shot of Skeezix the inside cat. It's a nice bloo culler. I like it. THE END --- RtGC

The Adventures of ME!

My frend Skeezix is a filmmaker. This is his secund moovey project. It's called "The Adventures of Rocky the Gutter Cat". He asked me to star in it, wich meens the moovey is all abowt ME. I didn't git a trayler during the filming to git fixed up in wich was reely a disappointmint becuz I love trayler parks, but Skeez' explaned to me that this was a low bujit independint film, so traylers wernt part of the deel. I thot it turnd owt pritty good. And see, I'm alreddy dressd in my tuxedoe for the preemeer. THE END --- RtGC

Yum!

Last nite wuz a good nite. The ladey brot home a rotissery chikin frum a place calld Rustiko. Thoze Rustiko chikins are reel good. Thare jooosy and tendur and I luv 'em. The ladey and the man eet sum and then giv me sum kut up in nice small peeces as a speshul dinner treet. Uzhually, that goze on for at leest 2 or 3 nites in a row, wich meens I'll git sum tonite, too. That's good. I can't wate. THE END --- RtGC

Playing Ded

I know exactly 1 trik: playing ded. It always kind of freeks out the peeple, and I can see out of the korner of my eye that thare looking at me, trying to figyur out if I'm rodekill or not. Then they'll call to me and of korse I ignore them. So they'll come up closer to see if I'm breething, and I hold my breth and hold reel still, and just win I sense thare abowt to panik, I stretch and role over, and they almost always go "OH, Rocky, yoo funney cat!" And then I go bak to sleep, wich is my profeshun, in case yoo didn't know. Wunce, I was playing ded in the gutter and I fooled sum peeple walking by. They dubbled bak, and stopped to see if I was breething, and so I held my breth, and I cood heer them asking eech other what they shood do, and then I rolled over and they just abowt krapped thare pants. It was very very funney. THE END --- RtGC