As many of yoo know, after my last trip to the emerjinsy vet, I cut bak on my partying and guttercat ways. I mooved inside the howse frum owtside, and discuverd that I love sleepin and livin on the peepul bed. I do spend a littul time on the balkuney, but mostly I stay on the bed abowt 23 howrs a day.
Heer are 14 things abowt living in my new home on the peepul bed:
- Win I started livving on the bed, the peepul bot me stares so that it is eezy for me to git up and down. Beefore it was vary hard to git up cuz I can't jump like I used to. Now I just walk rite up!
- The peepul don't like me sleepin krossways on the bed. I have to sleep in the same direkshun they do. They put me in pozishun win they come to bed, and I stay in that ixzakt same pozishun until I wake up in the morning.
- On Saterday nites, after the lites go owt, the peepul wrassle with each other and thare's a lot of yelling. They don't rassle with me. I have to moove arownd so I don't git kikt off the bed. I hate Saterday nites.
- After she goze to sleep, the ladey has a sownd that comes owt of her face that sownds like a trane going thru the bedroom. I need eerplugs.
- The man has a trumpet up his butt that make sownds all nite long, espeshully win they had mexikun food for dinner. He waves the cuvvers win the trumpet goze off and a bad smell comes owt and if the ladey is awake she makes a sownd like a cow moooing. The trumpet is stinky.
- If the man eets watermellun for deezert, he has to git up in the middle of the nite and go to his litter box in the cold tile room.
- The ladey duzn't like it win my furrs git all over the bed cuvvers, so she bot the Furrminator and startid grooming me to git all my loose furrs owt. Then she puts them in the garbije.
- Mao is mad that I git to sleep with the ladey.
- Sumtimes at nite I can heer the vishus deer owt by my gutter, and I git up and watch them frum my balkuney.
- They put a big bole of water in the bedroom so I can drink during the nite, but it is not as good as drinking from my Petmate Water Fowntin wich is in the cat bedroom.
- The best part of my day is win the peepul git reddy to come to bed with me and they moove Mao and Skeez' owt of the peepul bedroom into the cat bedroom, and I GIT TO STAY!!!!! Mao reely bellows win that happens. But he's a bad boob walker and 5am yowler, so he can't sleep in thare anymore. BUT I CAN!!!!
- The peepul always say good nite to me and pet me beefore they go to sleep. This is nice.
- Beefore the ladey comes to bed -- win it's just the man and me --- I go up on the bed ware he is and we have one-on-one guy time together. And win the ladey comes to bed I moove down by the end of the bed so she can have one-on-one time with the man.
- Thare is a small blak box by the bed with littul peepul in it and myoozik. But yoo can only heer them erly in the morning. The Ladey duzn't like them. Win she heers them talking and making myoozik she hits the blak box HARD and then the peepul shut up. But only for abowt 10 minits. Then she whacks the box agin and they shut up. This goze on FURREVER!!!!! It is vary annoying.