My Reeding Tabul

Now that I live on the bed, I realize I've bin missing owt on a lot of grate reeding. Thare's always lots of pile of books and maguzeens by the bed. And win the New Yorker comes, the man and the ladey fite over hoo gits to reed it ferst. And then win thare thru with it, I git to reed it.

Mostly, I just look at the pikchers and the funeez. Thare are a lot of werds in the New Yorker, and uzhully I don't reed thoze. Cuz that wood be too tiring. I just had to share this ishoo with yoo becuz it had a cat storey in it!!!! YES! A cat storey!!!! I was just flipping pages, and thare it was, this spicy vixin, probly coming to vizit me!


I think she was krossing Deth Valley JUST TO SEE ME!!!! She was HOT!

Heer, I'll tern it arownd so yoo can see the next one.... she is kliming a mowntin!

And now I think she is at the top of Mownt Witney!

Now she is taking in the view and looking for Castro Valley:

Now she's movving west, down the Mownt Witney:

And heer I think she got a wiff of nip and she's running as fast as she can to Castro Valley.

But she has to find the BART stayshun ferst:

Do yoo think she'll make it? I'm gonna go owt on my Balkuney and see if I can spot her!

Don't yoo agree this was a vary good storey.... and vary intellekchewul too!

Da Munkeez Came!

Yesturday a box came. It had my name on it. Mao and Skeezy's, too. I got to reed the letter becuz I wuz werking in the offiss at the time:

The letter was nice an all, but I wunted to git to the mane eevent: da munkeez!!!!
Wich munkey do yoo think I will pik?????? ....stay tooned!

Life is grate .... thanks to da grate Jeter Harris!!!! Thanks, Jete!

Git better qwik, BabyBean!

I'm not the werld's oldest cat!!!

Well, as most of yoo know, I've bin a littul deeprest lately abowt being old. Cuz being old suks. I have to go to the V-E-T a lot and I have to take lots of pills evry day, and I'm not as spry as I used to be. But I red a storey today that made me think that maybey I'm not a geezer after all. It was a storey abowt the cat hoo claims to be the werld's oldest cat. How old do yoo think the werld's oldest cat is? I was thinkin' maybey 25 or 27 yeers old, but I was off by A LOT! Terns owt the werld's oldest cat is more than twice as old as I am! >> Reed the storey heer. Yoo mite think this wood make me happy, knowing I've maybey got a lot of good yeers left. But then I started thinkin. I don't have a reetiremint plan or much any savings (unless yoo cownt "my stash"), and I reely don't wanna take pills for ANUTHER 20 yeers!!! Hmmm, thare's a lot to think abowt....

LAST DAY TO ENTER MY 200th POST CONTEST!

Today's the last day to submit yer winning gess in my 200th post contest. The last prize has bin added: a NIPAPALOOZA!!!! Whut's a nipapalooza, yoo ask? Why, enter and win and yoo'll find owt! Heer's how to enter!

Hmmmm.....

I think I've finely bin to evry singul site on the innernet. Now whut?

GESS MY 200TH POST KONTEST!

...AND THE WINNERS ARE: Karl and Anastasia of The Cat Realm! Concats to both of yoo!

ENTREEZ ARE NOW CLOZED.
STAY TOONED FOR THE ANNOWNSEMINT OF THE WINNER

It's time to gess win I will post my 200th blog post. And I mite not have any kontrol over it cuz Tripper mite hijak my blog for his own deemented perposes. Pleeze reed all the roolz carefully, cuz thare a littul bit diffrint than in the past:

ROOLZ:

• This time arownd, the one hoo gesses closest BEEFORE THE DATE/TIME OF THE WINNING POST PASSES wins. I know it's confyoozing, so I'll give yoo an ixzample.... if the winning post is on August 31st at 11:51 pm and the two closest gesses were August 31st at 8am and September 10th at 8am, the winner is the Sept 10th gess. So, once the date/time of yer gess has passed, yer owt of the running if the winning post has not yet bin posted.
  
• Only cats with blogs or Catster IDs are elijibul. In addishun, Titus the dawg and Fiona Bun can enter, and the Poi rats, too, cuz Ratatooey was a good moovey.
• Only one gess per HOWSEHOLD. So yoo all will need to come to sum agreement and enter just one gess. If yoo try and enter more than one gess per howsehold, all of yer howsehold's entreez will be disqwalifide.
  
• Only gesses entered in the comments feeld of this post are elijibul.
• TRIPPER IS NOT ELIGIBUL. Neether is Skeeze or Mao.
  
• It's my kontest, so I can change the roolz anytime I wunt (thanks, Skeezix!).
• Once yoo gess, yoo cannot change yer gess.
• If there is a tie, the gess wich was submitted the erliest wins.
• If yoo do not enter am or pm, it will deefalt to am.
• ENTRY DEDLINE: 11:59pm AUGUST 3rd PDT

HOW TO ENTER

• Submit a gess in the comments feeld of this post in the following format:
  DATE TIMEam/pm NAME [link to yer blog or Catster ID]
  For exzampul:
  August 4th 10am Maobert Schnickles (http://www.maobert.com/)
  or
  September 5th 3:21pm Tripper (http://www.catster.com/cats/323545)
  

PRIZES

As yoo all know, we're rite smak in the middul of Vishus Deer Seezin. So the prize pakije will offer sum things that will help all of yoo get thru this terryfying time of the yeer in one peese:

1) A can of the patent-pending Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt

2) A NO VISHUS DEER mini-buttun for evry cat in yer howse.

3) A NO VISHUS DEER magnit for yer reefrijerayter.

4) A NO VISHUS DEER bumper stikker says "GO AWAY, VISHUS DEER! I've got Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt and I'm not afrade to use it!"

5) Yer choice of A Whirlybird Cat Exercise toy* OR if yoo alreddy have one, reeplacemint berdies for yer Whirlybird (hoo duzn't go thru thoze like a bowl of Fish Flakes?)

6) A Nipapalooza! A cullekshun of primo nip and nip parafenalyuh.

This is not the kontest of the milleniyum, but it's still pritty darned good!

________________________

* Can't ship outside the U.S. If non-US rezidint wins, will substitoot sumthing of eqwal or grater valyoo.

Wordless Wenzday

Tuxie Toozday: It's Grr, Midnight & Cocoa Day!

We are proklayming today to be "Grr, Midnight & Cocoa Day"! Becuz they werked vary vary hard to find two nice tuxies a home! On July 14th, I posted abowt 2 tuxies (that we red abowt on Zevo Calamari's blog) hoo needed a home fast! Grr, Midnight and Cocoa qwikly wint to werk and fownd a frend of Allergic Gerl's hoo agreed to take BOTH of them and give them a grate home! YAY YAY YAY!!!! Grr, Midnight and Cocoa, THE TUXIES OF THE WERLD SALOOT YOO!!!!

Pleeze drop by thare place and give 'em a high five!
_________________________

UPDATE!!! Alas, the adopshun fell thru (but it's still Grr, Midnight & Cocoa Day cuz they always go the distinse in finding new homes for cats in need - cuz they were in that pozishun once themselfs). Terns owt, the gerl hoo wuz going to adopt them is abowt to start collije and her parents didn't feel that she wood have the time avaylubul to soshulize theeze sweet tuxies properly (they're still a littul on the ferul side and need TLC -- but hey, that psyko stray cat Tripper was kompleetly wild win the Food Lady started werking on him, and now he's a big snugglebuddy akording to the FL [he duzn't bunnykikk her].) So, we're bak to ware we were. Anybuddy wunt to adopt some Callyfornya tuxies for Tuxie Toozday???

Ware I live now

Ixsept for win I go owt on the balkunney, heer is ware I spend my day and all nite, too: da bed. Yoo can see that I've got my furrs on it. Or maybe thoze are Sadie's or DMM's. It is vary cumfterbul. The ladey bot me a starecase that she puts next to the bed so I can klime up eezy. Otherwize, I kinda hafta claw my way to the top. The starecase is much better. Sumbuddy askt whut a boobwalker is. A boobwalker is a cat hoo spends da nite walking bak and forth acrost the ladey's chest, waking her up, making her yell, and gitting all the cats throwed owt of the room. Mao is a boobwalker. I am not. I know better. I sleep in ixzaktly one spot all nite long and purr becuz I have a good life. THE END ---- RtGC

Sadie Tagged Me

Sadie tagged me for a meme, and she's gonna wet her pants if I don't do it, so heer goze:

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Ten yeers ago I was living in the ferst howse I ever lived in. I wuzn't a geezer then and I didn't have thigh roids or kid me problims. I was spry. I was an owtside cat cuz the inside was rooled by Perl the Holy Terrer hoo thot she owned the place. This was arownd the time that Perl got a new job as a rat killer and wint to live with my Ant Joanne in Bakersfeeld. Once Perl left, my life got better. And my vary best frend Joonyer came to live with us. He tot me how to rassle and have fun. Mao wuz arownd, but him an me never ixzaktly saw eye 2 eye we just keep owr distinss. Ixsept win we have to do bizniss together.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Hangin in the gutter, dreeming of Spicy Vixins. I din't have any Spicy Vixins yet; I just dreemed abowt them. Did a lot of nip.

5 snacks you enjoy?

1. Fish Flakes (thanks, Daisy!!!!)
2. Powderd Pit'r Pats
3. That's it.

5 songs to which you know all the lyrics?
Rocky Mowntin Hi
Wild and Untamed Thing frum the Rocky Horror Pikcher Show
Ketch 22 - Rocky
Rocky theem song
Rock this Town by the Stray Cats

5 things you would do if you were a millionaire?

1. Reetire frum the Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt Bizniss and take it eezy
2. Kidnap the vet man and have sumbuddy sit on him wile I put cold things up his booty
3. Buy the werld's supply of catnip
4. By a howse for Tripper on the other side of the planit
5. Take all the spicy vixins on a shopping spree to Viktoreeyus Seekrit
   

5 bad habits?
Hmmm, it's hard to narrow it down to just five, but heer goze:

1. Nip
2. Catnip Seegars
3. The peepul think I wine too much
4. Peein' inappropreeitly
5. Drawing blud win I go to the vet man's
   

5 things you enjoy doing?

1. Nappin'
2. Nippin'
3. Spicy Vixins
4. Making fun of Skeezy -- all in good fun
5. Eetin' baby food
   
   

5 things you would never wear again?
I uzhully let it all hang owt, and sumtimes I ware the Yankey cap (thanks, Jete'), but I kinda LIKE waring da Yankey cap and I ware it a lot, so I don't think thare's anything I'd never ware agin.


5 favorite toys?

1. Felt mousie
2. Paper bag
3. String
4. The Weejy Bord game that the man plays with me
5. Anything stuft with Catnip (ixsept not the catnip banananana that Trip wrekked cuz it has his spit and his grunjey furrs on it)
   

Two Tuxies in Desprit Need of a Home

This is a kross-post frum Zevo Calamari's blog. Two grate tuxies in the San Deeaygo area need a home and time is running owt for them. Heer's the storey:

Attention to all those who live in or near San Diego!

We are looking for a good home for these two nice cats. A member of Zevo's fan club has written with this request:

"I would like to know if you know any sites for adoptions for scared kitties or
anyone that would be interested in helping me out.. I have had these two tuxedos I rescued months ago. They are litter trained, spayed, shots, Advantage, de-wormed. I adopted out two already and am left with the two females. I have been socializing them, but they still need more.

"I visit them twice a day in a pool house on another property and they're running out of time. They need to be in a home with people. I found these kitties in the garden. I am looking for an inside only home with no dogs or little children. I don't know what to do at this point I have been trying for months on Craigslist and got nothing but flakes. I would keep them but I have two dogs that hate cats. "

Please Help!!!!!!!

suzi

Only those who are serious should use this email address
alan AT mrconstruction DOT com

If you know of anyone who can help please pass this on.

Thanks
zevo

So if yoo've always wunted to have a Rocky Boy or a DaisyMae or a Sadie of yer own, now's yer chanse!

How my hart is doing....

I've bin askt how my hart is doing an stuff. I wint to the dokter last week and the nooz was all good. My hart seems to be okay, no mermer or anything, and my thigh roids is under kontrol... Win I wint to the emerjinsy vet, it was at 17, an my next test it was 18.3, but my test last week shode it at abowt 1. It needs to be under 5 or sumthing like that to be helthy. So I sellubrated with a beer win the lady made beer can chikkin. I still hafta take pills twice a day for the rest of my life, but I'm better abowt taking them now than I used to be. I also gaynd a pownd of wate sinse win I was at the vet a munth ago. That's also good nooz. But the bad nooz is that I do nuthin' but sleep. But the good nooz is the peepul let me sleep with them evry nite wich I've never dun in my life. I sleep in ixzaktly the same spot all nite long, so they don't git mad abowt me walking akrost thare faces or boobs a hundred times a nite like Mao duz. I sleep on the peepul bed most of the day, too. I like it. Espeshully win my spicy vixins come over. THE END --- RtGC

Wordless Wenzday

Trip an Rocky's Big Advenchur

TRIP: HI EVRYBUDDDY !!!!!! !!! !!!!!!! !!!!! !!! !!!! WOW it was GRATE to meet yoo all at the big berthday bash! I had a lot of fun mixing drinks and chasing moths and sorry abowt PUKING IN THE TREET BOWL I thot it was a planter or sumthing I'd never seeen KITTY GRASS beefore. Rocky sez its not the KIND YOO SMOKE. Me, I'm always SMOKIN' just like Jim Carrey sed in that MOOVEY was it THE MASK? I LOVE JIM CARREY and Jerry Lewus too. I'm on Rocky's blog today cuz THAY WON'T LET ME HAVE A BLOG OF MY OWN so me and Rock are gonna talk abowt owr big advencher that we wint on together to the VETS at Bullevard Pet Hospitul !!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!

ROCKY: Trip, remember whut I sed abowt not using evry singul color and font in existense???

TRIP: Oh, yeah. Sorry. Can I talk now Mr KNOW IT ALL???

ROCKY: Trip, yoo go rite ahed.

TRIP: OKAY. Well, the best part was gitting to SHOOT, ROCKY! I CAN'T BLOG IN ONE COLOR!!!!

ROCKY: If yoo wanna be on my blog, yoo hafta blog in ONE COLOR. THEMS THE ROOLZ.

TRIP: Sheesh. Well it started win they put me in this prizzin box that they BOT JUST FOR ME!!!! That meens they wunt to keep me! They dint have one that was big enuf so they got me my own and it is the best of all the prizzin boxes and IT EVEN HAS A MOONROOF!!!!!! Yoo can look owt of it just like I'm doing heer:



See, isn't it grate??? And we GOT TO RIDE IN THE BLOO MASHEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The last time they did this, my hoo ha's got stolen. So I thot maybe we were going to git them bak! Heer's Rocky and me, side by side: rode trip buds!


ROCKY: We were NOT rode trip buds.

TRIP: It wasn't ixzaktly a reelaxing drive cuz Rocky was moaning over and over and over "Draw BLUD! Draw BLUD!" It was kinda gitting on my nervs.

ROCKY: Yeah, for all the good it did. I nailed three of 'em and YOO didn't even ixtend a klaw or bar a tooth the entire time!!!!!!! Yer supost to be psyko yoo dimwit.

TRIP: Rock, I was having TOO MUCH FUN!!!!!

ROCKY: Whutever.

TRIP: And so the wite leg man sat down with me for a wile and sed soothing things to me like, "Tripper, buddy, how ya doin'?" I cood see NEERLY EVRYTHING frum my moonroof but Rocky coodn't cuz he had the old beet up geezer PTU. HAHAHAHAHAAHA!

ROCKY: Tripper, shutup.

TRIP: And they poked me and and stuk cold things up ware they shoodn't be stikking them -- rite arownd Spot #13.

TRIP: And they stikt needuls in me!



ROCKY: It was no piknik for me, eether. The man hoo was not the uzhual vet man stuk his tung owt at me and then shined a lazer beem into my eyes, wich led me to suspekt he cood be in kahoots with da vishus deer!!!! It's ok. He did not eskape unskaythed.

TRIP: We wzs in a room with lots of pikchers of that stuk up kranky cat hoo livs with us and that big eared sqweek toy: thare sellebrities! Did yoo know that? And the man in the wite kote sed I was a nice cat one of the nicest he's ever SEEN and win he sed that, the ladey sed, "Yoo wunt him?" HAHAHAHAAHA sumtimes she kraks me up.


ROCKY: I don't think the ladey wuz joking. And don't call me Rock. It's "Rocky". Heer's anuther torcher pikcher. It took 2 of them to hold me down. Pownd for pownd, that shoze yoo just how strong I am! I just kept thinkin thots of an afternoon surrownded by Spicy Vixins.


ROCKY: The werst part of the hole krappy day was on the way home, Tripper krapt and peed in his PTU. WAY TO GO, TRIP!!!

TRIP: Don't call me TRIP --- it's Tripper the Psyko Stray Cat to yoo.

ROCKY: It always makes me laff to see how fast the peepul can role down the windows win yoo evakyooate yer bowels inside thare car with the nice lether seets.

TRIP: I dint like that part. I got dookey on my booty. And on the rest of me, too. I got imberrust.

ROCKY: Dood, yoo were awesum!!! All of a suddin, the ladey was drivin' like she was at Maliboo Grand Pree. She rownded one of the korners on two tires!

TRIP: It was pritty stinky.

ROCKY: And then, win they got home, they had to immeediutly give yoo a bath.

TRIP: I don't think I liked that part. They gave my nice new box a bath, too. Even the moonroof got a bath.

ROCKY: But Trip, why in the Sam Hill didn't yoo use yer claws and skratch them to peeses win yoo got yer bath?

TRIP: Shoot. I dunno. Was I supost to? I was distrakted cuz I didn't wunt my nice new box to smell like dookie.

ROCKY: Whutever. I slept the rest of the day.

TRIP: I coodn't sleep. I wuz too izsited!!!!! I think the peepul wunt to keep me!

ROCKY: Time to sine off, Trip.

TRIP: Can I use colors?

ROCKY: Nope.

TRIP : Rats. OK then. Life is grate! Laffin an Laffin!

ROCKY: That's Jeter's line, Trip. Yoo need yer own.

TRIP: How abowt "Life's a Trip!"

ROCKY: That'll do.

My Prezint frum Kimo and Sabi

Yesturday was my 16th berthday. Thanks to evrybuddy for coming to the birthday party! I got sum prezints. One was a gift frum Kimo and Sabi to me AND Mao, but Mao was owtside and woodn't come in, so I wint ahed withowt him.


I red the note on Kimo and Sabi's prezint. It sed, "Deer Mao & Rocky - This should help you wif identifying some spicy vixins. Happy Gurl watchin from da balcony. Happy Purrthday! Love, Kimo & Sabi."

Hmmm. So far so good! But whut cood it be????

I unrapt it to discuver THE BEST PREZINT EVER: The Cat Butts Field Guide WITH cat butts inklooded! Kimo and Sabi reememberd that I'm a butts man. I love da big byootiful bootays!

So, I did a littul hit of nip and sat down to study..... as my deer frend Jeter Harris wood say, "I'm laffin an laffin'!"
I think maybe I'm not gonna tell Mao that we were ment to share this prezint!

Mopey Munday

I'll admit, I've got a case of the Munday Blues. Skeezix has bin a pane lately -- he won't let me git on the compyooter to vizit all my Spicy Vixins (in fakt he's bin akting even stranjer than uzhual, if that's even possible), and my 16th berthday is coming up and I think evrywun has fergotten it agin this yeer, even tho it mite be my last, AND nobuddy has inqwired abowt renting my gutter. Mao sed I shood set up a box next to the FOR RENT sine with a bunch of papers in it called "Take Ones." On the Take Ones yoo list all the grate things abowt yer gutter but yoo artfully twist the werds arownd so that bad things sownd grate. So like, it has this problim of gitting water in it wile yer trying to sleep in it becuz Mr Tinydik waters his lawn for many howrs at a time and the water goze in my gutter. So on the Take One yoo make it sownd like a reely grate feecher insted of a bad thing, like one of the following:

• Indoor pool
• Water feecher runs thru the property
• Awtomatik watering sistem

Mao sez that it's mostly just nozey naybers hoo take the Take Ones, but yoo only need one renter to take it and fall in luv with the place. So, I'm off to find owt ware I can buy a plastik box to put my Take Ones in. Geez, I didn't realize renting my gutter wood be so much werk.

Gutter for Sale or Rent

Yoo mite have to biggify this to see whut I rited on the sine.

Annownsemint

I'd like to make an importunt annownsemint.

I have deesided to live the rest of my life as an inside cat. So my gutter is up for grabs. If yoo wunt to rent it, let me know. If any of yoo Spicy Vixins are comin' by to hang with me, look up and I'll be on the balkoney above the garaje. I have a better view frum thare.

Just thot yoo'd like to know.

Come Hither

Heer's how I look win I've gottin a lot of nursin' frum my Spicy Vixins.

Tripper on Toozday

Tripper thretend to sit on me if I didn't let him use my blog to do Tripper on Toozday. Sinse I'm up to my eyeballs with Spicy Vixins nursing my hert paw that I injerd wile using the Crackberry (thanks, Daisy), I grayshusly invited Tripper the Psyko Stray Cat to post a foto for "Tripper on Toozday." Heer's whut Tripper has to say abowt this pikcher:

Gee THANKS ROCKY!!!! WHY CAN'T I HAVE MY OWN BLOG???? As yoo can see, I have grate fotos I can put up, and I'm looking espeshully big man catly espeshully waring the grate New York Yankeez cap that Jeter Harris gave me and maybe nows the time to point owt that I DO NOT USE STAREOIDS like that CHEETER BARRY BONDS I'm just big natcherully and let me just say, thare's a lotta me to love PARKER ARE YOO PAYING ATTENSHUN???? WATE I THINK I JUST SAW A MOTH..... GOT IT!!!! And yoo woodn't beeleeve whut a FREEK that littul wite Cat is he spended the hole day LIKKING A MAGNIT! I think Jeter Harris is my vary best frend in the entire werld. He's grate. LIFE IS GRATE. Wate, I think thare's more oh yeah: LAFFIN AN LAFFIN! See? I can blog! I shood have my own blog.

I herted my paw

I think the Spicy Vixins need to dress up in thare nurses owtfits and come over and take care of ol' Rocky Boy. I herted my paw this morning. It bleeded. The peepul got home frum the cherch thing they go to and saw the blud on my paw and they asked, "Rocky, what'd ja do to yer paw?" And I just kinda shrugd my sholders and din't tell them. They cuddled me and put sum hurty liqwid on it and tride to ixamin it and menshund sumthing abowt the V-E-T wich is always BAD NEWZ (ixsept if the vet givs me good psykadelik drugs). Skeezix offerd to put on his dokter's owtfit, but yoo know, he's just not the same as a spicy vixin. And he's a littul too eeger to put a thermomuter up my poophole. --- THE END --- RtGC

Tuxie Toozday

The good nooz is: I got my own compyooter!
The bad nooz is: The keys are too small.

Duz anybuddy know how to werk one of theeze?

My Pal Babe

Win it's reel hot, I hang on the balkoney cuz thare are sumtimes nice breezes that come up the hill and make me cool. The balkoney has a cat door owt to it, and owt thare is ware the litter boxes live in thare own howse. That way we can't smell Skeezy's stinkey poops in the howse. They put down this fake rug thing thare so the litter duzn't fall down onto the dek ... and it's a nice rug cuz it's just like grass ixsept unlike the frunt yard, the next door nayber dawg duznt krap on it. So I lay on it, next to the cat litter box howse all day long. It's nice. And better than laying in the gutter win peepul like Mr Tinydik are watering thare lons.

In this pikcher, my frend Babe has joined me. Babe is NOT a spicy vixin. He's not even a spicy dood. He's just a blob. He beelongs to the man's mom. Sumtimes Babe comes and hangs with me just to hang with the cool crowd. Sumtimes I'll wake up frum a nap and think maybe I'm lookin' at Sadie's bak end, but no, it's just a babe butt. I try to be nice to Babe cuz he used to be a ferul cat. At leest he's not psyko like that stoopid Tripper.

Feets on Friday

Sumbuddy gave Skeezix this toy and the man notist that the toy and me have idenikul feets. Whut doo yoo think of that?

Rocky's Male Bag

This is wut I got in the male tooday. It is a letter frum my frends at the porsha deelership inviting me to take a Cayenne owt for a test drive. This sownds like fun. Hoo wunts to go with me? A Cayenne sownds hot and spicy, just the rite car for a spicy vixin!

Dona Nobis Pacem

MadCat Munday

Today sukt. I sed more bad werds then I ever did in my life. Becuz today sukt. The man (hoo USED to be my buddey) put together my medikul rekerds (see abuv) frum the Emerjinsy Vet torcher place and he throde me into the box and took me in his lowd bloo masheen to the torcher place in Castro Valley. Let me tell yoo, it's bin a long time sinse I kust that much at one time. I thot the wite rat was gonna ixplode frum heering all thoze bad werds. The man told me we were just going thare for a short trip and we were coming rite bak home. BUT HE LIDE. Yes, my FORMER buddey lide to me, and left me thare so the torcher peepul cood torcher me sum more. I thot I wuz a gonner. They did all kinds of hurty things in my mouth and to my teeths and they stabd 10 foot long needuls into me and draned me dry of my blud. But they didn't suk the pee owt of me! In fakt, I reely had to go. They put me in the box, and then I herd a familyer voise - it was the lady. And even tho I had to pee, she just stade thare and blabd and blabd with the torcher place ladeys hoo took her plastik thing frum her and they were tawkin' abowt the wite rats' mannycure --- like hoo gives a poop????? --- and his blog until I wunted to yakk. FINELY we left and I got my reevenje! On the way home, I peed and peed and peed and the pee wint owtside the box and onto the ladey's lether seets and wool karpit in her bloo masheen. VIKTERY!!!!! And I sware, the man will never be my buddey agin. (Did I menshun today sukt???) --- THE END - RtGC

Man Cat Monday

Update on my cundishun

I'm holding steddy. I have a bit of a kold, wich has me sneezing kind of a lot, wich werries the peepul, and in tern, werries me becuz it offin meens I'll git shuvd into the prizzin box and taken to the torcher place. So the peepul are watching me closely to see if I git werse -- I git so freekt win they take me to the torcher place that they try not to take me thare unless it's absolootly nessessary.

In the meentime, I'm trying to trak Mao down so he'll come bak and manaje the interns. I can't run the hole bizness by myself, yoo know! Mao's alwayz sayin, "I'm an idea man -- the big pikcher guy. Yoo werk owt the deetales." Sownded good at the time, but reeely, it just meens that he duzn't do any of the werk. Maybe I'll save up my munneys to buy him owt.

Heer is a pikcher of the interns last nite. As yoo can see, thare vary entooziastik but not vary disiplind.

The Summer Interns are Heer!

Tonite, the summer interns shode up, and Mao --- hoo is in charje of the Summer Intern Program at Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt Werld Hedqwarters was noware to be fownd! Whuts up with that? MAO? YOO NEED TO GIT YER TUSH HOME THIS VARY MINIT! The interns are vary enthooziastik and eeger to git started, and I'm too sik and week to deel with them. Yoo can't see all of them in this foto -- thare are four interns and thare mom, wich is the biggest groop of interns yet! If yer intristid in joining owr intern program, we don't akshully pay anything, but yoo do git free snaks.

Widebody Wenzday

My faverit widebody, Sir Edmund, has a GRATE foto up for Widebody Wenzday, so yoo have to drop by and have a look. Be shur to bookmark it and if yoo start pakking on the pownds and yer peepul wunt to put yoo on a diet, show 'em Ed!

How to freek yer peepul owt

I've bin dividing my time between sleepin in the shower and sleepin on the man's desk. I diskuverd a funny trik to play on yer peepul. Go to sleep with yer eyes open and don't blink EVER. Freeks 'em owt evry time!

I offishully have an appytite

For brekfist this morning I ate two jars of baby food and part of a plate of Fansy Feest. Later I ate 4 more jars of baby food. Baby food is vary good. So I think I'm gonna start insisting on it. Spicy Vixin Sadie posted a git well foto on her blog wich had me standing at attenshun if yoo know whut I meen. And forchewnitly that Daisy cat hazn't bin bak to sing any of her syruping sweet git well songs --- kyoot kid, but she is NOT a singer (sorry, Skeez, but it's da trooth). I'm still spending a lot of time in the shower. Skeez' came and vizited me thare wich was hard for him becuz he hates water so much. But I like it. It's nice and cool and pryvit. Not unlike my gutter, wich they still won't let me go owtside to.

Feelin' Groovy

I am feeling better today. I got tired of being forse feeded, so I ate brekfist on my own. I'm still letharjik, but that's not much diffrint frum how I am all the time, anyway. The lady is konvinst I started to tern arownd once she put the majik water frum spicy vixin Halloween on me. The trooth is, I just don't wunt that Daisy singin' me any more of her happy songs.

Update

I have deesided I like sleeping in the shower, so that's ware I'm livving now. The peepul think I'm abowt to kik the bukkit, so thare letting me sleep ware I wunt. That's the good news. The bad news is that I'm still gitting forse feeded and having pills stuk down my throte. And speshul water frum Lourdes put on me that my vary speshul vixin Halloween sent. Also, sinse I'm livving in the shower, the peepul can't use it, so thare kinda stinky.

I don't feel like bloggin, but....

Skeezers sez that sum of yoo are werried abowt me, so heer's the deel:

1. I am being forse-fed baby food* evry howr. I hate this. It suks.
2. I am gitting antybiotiks and thigh roid pills twice a day. I hate this. It suks.
3. I am imprizzind in the howse becuz they are werried that I will wander off into the forest and not come bak. That's not ixzaktly troo. I just wunna sleep in my gutter and wate for spicy vixins to show up. So I hate this. It suks.
4. I keep gitting my tempracher takin. This is emberrissin. I hate this. It suks.
5. My deer deer Spicy Vixin Halloween sent me sum Lourdes water, wich gits put on me. The sentimint is nice, but the water thing suks.
6. The ladey and man know that maybe I shood be in the hospitul in an oxyjin tent with IV flooids and round-the-klok care, but I freek win I git sent to the hospitul and cawzes me a lot of stress and I'm a vary old geezer cat hoo just wunts to be left at home alone. So they are watching me vary carefully at home. I like that much better than the hospitul, but thare is still a lot that suks.
7. I jumped up high this morning. I like to soopervize the man's werk, so TWICE I jumped up onto his desk frum the floor. The man thot this was a good sine.
   

Thank yoo all for yer git well wishes. I'm going bak to sleep now.
____________________________________________
*Skeezer's frend Dr Daisy rekummended baby food, wich my ladey had fergottin abowt me liking.

In a funk Friday

Sinse my hart is inlarjed and my breething is vary vary fast and shallow and I have the feevers, I have to stay vary qwiet, wich isn't hard cuz I feel like krap. Thank yoo all for yer good wishes, espeshully frum my Spicy Vixins (and my faverite Spicy Vixin of all --- yoo know hoo yoo are). I hope to be bak running up walls and terning summersalts pritty soon.

Yer frend,
Rocky the Gutter Cat

Thigh Roid Thursday

I've bin feeling pritty krappy lately. And yesterday I just wuzn't up to eeting or drinking or pooping or peeing, so I just lade by my water fowntin and slept. The peepul started to git werried, so late last nite they pulled owt the torcher box, forst me into it, and drove me away in the bloo masheen.

We wint to one dokter hoo poked me in emberrussing places and told us that thare dokters left at 10pm, but that I wuz running a feever and had sum discharjes, so I shood go rite away to the emerjinsy vet. So we drove all the way to anuther cownty and wint to anuther dokter hoo took me rite in and put me in an oxyjen tent (but we wern't going camping) and started torchering me more. I didn't care. I felt poopy. They let the peepul come in and pet me and then they sent them bak owt. Thare were woofies and berdies thare, too, but I didn't have much of an appytite for berdies. After many many needul torchers, and many many howrs, they put me bak in the cardbord box and we wint bak in the bloo masheen and I wint home. And rite beefore we got to owr howse, a vishus deer ran tord the bloo masheen and tride to git me! Needless to say, I did not have my Mao & Rocky's VDR with me. Cood the nite have bin any werse???

The peepul were werried that I was going into renul and hart faylyer, and I had a feever and a fast hart rate and bad breething. But it terns owt, my kidmeez arn't so bad, but my hart is vary inlarjed and my thighroids are givving me problims wich I don't unnerstand becuz my thighs felt just fine. The peepul lookt like deth warmd over. I think I need to milk thare simputhy for all its werth. But don't cownt ole' Rocky owt, yet!

They took Skeez' and Mao away!!!!

The man taked Skeez and Mao away this afternoon in the bloo masheen and HE DIDN'T BRING THEM BAK!!!! I did sum investigayting and discuverd that they were shipt away to kitty prizzin. WE'VE GOTTA BRAKE THEM OWT!!!!! Evrybuddy: EMALE the prizzin and let them know that Skeez and Mao are being kept aginst thare will and they need to send them bak home!

Heer's thare emale adress: info@waghotels.com

Tell them that yer a frend of Skeezix and if they won't let him come home, at leest they can show him on a webcam with a copy of 2day's noozpaper to let us know he's still alive!

And need I reemind yoo that Mao is the branes beehind "Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt" and if sumthing happens to him, the cumpanny will probly go under!!!!

Hey Look! It's Skeezy!

Hey Look! Skeezy finely fownd his muther!

7 Randum Fax abowt Me

Ok, I've bin tagged by many of my spicy vixins to be part of this meme, so heer are seven randum fax abowt me:

1. I make egzaktly ONE sownd. And it's a reely annoying whine. I don't do it becuz I don't know how to make other sownds, I make it becuz it gits reezults. Like fer egzampul, to shut me up, the peepul will open more cans of catfood, and pik me up and cuddle me, and give me treets, and sprinkul nip on my planche' a griffe. If I had a spesifik "feed me" voice, I'd miss owt on all the rest. Pritty smart, huh?
2. Me and Mao don't egzaktly git along.
3. For the ferst part of my life I didn't play. Then Joonyer came along and he made me rassle with him. That was fun. Then I coodn't git enuf of playin'. I was deprest win Joonyer wint away, but after a yeer, Skeez started playin and rasslin' with me, and I slowly got bak to playin agin.
4. Win I play, I like to run up the walls and do a summersalt in the air.
5. My faverit toys are a) string and b) felt Tuff Mice.
6. Becuz of the problims with my thigh-roids and kid-mes, I eet a lot and drink a lot of water. I can eezily eet 6 or 8 cans of stinky goodniss evry day. And I pee huge briks.
7. I lernd that becuz of my problims with my thigh-roids and kid-mes, I can pee and poop anyware I darn well pleeze and they won't git too mad at me. They think I can't help it, but uzhully it's just becuz I don't wunt to walk all the way down the hall to the cat box.
8. And one more thing. I DO have a faverit spicy vixin. Do yoo think yoo can gess hoo it is???

Widebody Wenzday

This is Phoebe. I don't know why her name is spelt that way, becuz it's pronownst "Feeby." Phoebe is vary fluffy. She has wite soks in frunt, just like me. Yoo can find owt more abowt Phoebe and Tracy and Pablo and Monica in thare blog, "Pablo Fan Club." Pablo livs in Tazmania.

Tuxie Toozday

Even tho I'm grownded, the man still lets me help him play the peeyano. The peeyano is my faverit myoozikul instroomint becuz:

1. It is blak and wite like me
2. It has PEE in its name, and I PEE a lot
3. Win I press the DeeJay buttun, the peeyano yells owt "DEEJAY!!!!" reel jazzy-like, and that is thrilling.
4. It is eezy to play. Yoo just step on the blak and wite stiks and noise comes owt.