How my hart is doing....

I've bin askt how my hart is doing an stuff. I wint to the dokter last week and the nooz was all good. My hart seems to be okay, no mermer or anything, and my thigh roids is under kontrol... Win I wint to the emerjinsy vet, it was at 17, an my next test it was 18.3, but my test last week shode it at abowt 1. It needs to be under 5 or sumthing like that to be helthy. So I sellubrated with a beer win the lady made beer can chikkin. I still hafta take pills twice a day for the rest of my life, but I'm better abowt taking them now than I used to be. I also gaynd a pownd of wate sinse win I was at the vet a munth ago. That's also good nooz. But the bad nooz is that I do nuthin' but sleep. But the good nooz is the peepul let me sleep with them evry nite wich I've never dun in my life. I sleep in ixzaktly the same spot all nite long, so they don't git mad abowt me walking akrost thare faces or boobs a hundred times a nite like Mao duz. I sleep on the peepul bed most of the day, too. I like it. Espeshully win my spicy vixins come over. THE END --- RtGC

Thigh Roid Thursday

I've bin feeling pritty krappy lately. And yesterday I just wuzn't up to eeting or drinking or pooping or peeing, so I just lade by my water fowntin and slept. The peepul started to git werried, so late last nite they pulled owt the torcher box, forst me into it, and drove me away in the bloo masheen.

We wint to one dokter hoo poked me in emberrussing places and told us that thare dokters left at 10pm, but that I wuz running a feever and had sum discharjes, so I shood go rite away to the emerjinsy vet. So we drove all the way to anuther cownty and wint to anuther dokter hoo took me rite in and put me in an oxyjen tent (but we wern't going camping) and started torchering me more. I didn't care. I felt poopy. They let the peepul come in and pet me and then they sent them bak owt. Thare were woofies and berdies thare, too, but I didn't have much of an appytite for berdies. After many many needul torchers, and many many howrs, they put me bak in the cardbord box and we wint bak in the bloo masheen and I wint home. And rite beefore we got to owr howse, a vishus deer ran tord the bloo masheen and tride to git me! Needless to say, I did not have my Mao & Rocky's VDR with me. Cood the nite have bin any werse???

The peepul were werried that I was going into renul and hart faylyer, and I had a feever and a fast hart rate and bad breething. But it terns owt, my kidmeez arn't so bad, but my hart is vary inlarjed and my thighroids are givving me problims wich I don't unnerstand becuz my thighs felt just fine. The peepul lookt like deth warmd over. I think I need to milk thare simputhy for all its werth. But don't cownt ole' Rocky owt, yet!