EEEEUWWWWW!!!!

So, I wuz layin' on the bed nappin' win I herd sumbuddy jump up on the bed. Immeediutly, I thot maybey Sadie or DMM or Fiona or Halloween or one of my other 80 spicy vixins had come over for sum luvvin. I love it win they come over for sum luvvin. So I rolled over and sed, "Hello Byootiful!" (I've lernd frum ixpeeriense that yoo use a term of endeermint insted of thare ferst names so yoo don't git yerself into trubbul!) But insted of a lushus spicy vixin, I was staring strate in the face of THAT PYSKO CAT TRIPPER!!!!! I got the heebey jeebeeze. Tripper is NOT one my spicy vixins. And I coodn't make him git down cuz he ways a millyun pownds more than me. So I wint bak to sleep. THE END --- RtGC

MadCat Munday

Today sukt. I sed more bad werds then I ever did in my life. Becuz today sukt. The man (hoo USED to be my buddey) put together my medikul rekerds (see abuv) frum the Emerjinsy Vet torcher place and he throde me into the box and took me in his lowd bloo masheen to the torcher place in Castro Valley. Let me tell yoo, it's bin a long time sinse I kust that much at one time. I thot the wite rat was gonna ixplode frum heering all thoze bad werds. The man told me we were just going thare for a short trip and we were coming rite bak home. BUT HE LIDE. Yes, my FORMER buddey lide to me, and left me thare so the torcher peepul cood torcher me sum more. I thot I wuz a gonner. They did all kinds of hurty things in my mouth and to my teeths and they stabd 10 foot long needuls into me and draned me dry of my blud. But they didn't suk the pee owt of me! In fakt, I reely had to go. They put me in the box, and then I herd a familyer voise - it was the lady. And even tho I had to pee, she just stade thare and blabd and blabd with the torcher place ladeys hoo took her plastik thing frum her and they were tawkin' abowt the wite rats' mannycure --- like hoo gives a poop????? --- and his blog until I wunted to yakk. FINELY we left and I got my reevenje! On the way home, I peed and peed and peed and the pee wint owtside the box and onto the ladey's lether seets and wool karpit in her bloo masheen. VIKTERY!!!!! And I sware, the man will never be my buddey agin. (Did I menshun today sukt???) --- THE END - RtGC