How my hart is doing....

I've bin askt how my hart is doing an stuff. I wint to the dokter last week and the nooz was all good. My hart seems to be okay, no mermer or anything, and my thigh roids is under kontrol... Win I wint to the emerjinsy vet, it was at 17, an my next test it was 18.3, but my test last week shode it at abowt 1. It needs to be under 5 or sumthing like that to be helthy. So I sellubrated with a beer win the lady made beer can chikkin. I still hafta take pills twice a day for the rest of my life, but I'm better abowt taking them now than I used to be. I also gaynd a pownd of wate sinse win I was at the vet a munth ago. That's also good nooz. But the bad nooz is that I do nuthin' but sleep. But the good nooz is the peepul let me sleep with them evry nite wich I've never dun in my life. I sleep in ixzaktly the same spot all nite long, so they don't git mad abowt me walking akrost thare faces or boobs a hundred times a nite like Mao duz. I sleep on the peepul bed most of the day, too. I like it. Espeshully win my spicy vixins come over. THE END --- RtGC

Wordless Wenzday

Trip an Rocky's Big Advenchur

TRIP: HI EVRYBUDDDY !!!!!! !!! !!!!!!! !!!!! !!! !!!! WOW it was GRATE to meet yoo all at the big berthday bash! I had a lot of fun mixing drinks and chasing moths and sorry abowt PUKING IN THE TREET BOWL I thot it was a planter or sumthing I'd never seeen KITTY GRASS beefore. Rocky sez its not the KIND YOO SMOKE. Me, I'm always SMOKIN' just like Jim Carrey sed in that MOOVEY was it THE MASK? I LOVE JIM CARREY and Jerry Lewus too. I'm on Rocky's blog today cuz THAY WON'T LET ME HAVE A BLOG OF MY OWN so me and Rock are gonna talk abowt owr big advencher that we wint on together to the VETS at Bullevard Pet Hospitul !!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!

ROCKY: Trip, remember whut I sed abowt not using evry singul color and font in existense???

TRIP: Oh, yeah. Sorry. Can I talk now Mr KNOW IT ALL???

ROCKY: Trip, yoo go rite ahed.

TRIP: OKAY. Well, the best part was gitting to SHOOT, ROCKY! I CAN'T BLOG IN ONE COLOR!!!!

ROCKY: If yoo wanna be on my blog, yoo hafta blog in ONE COLOR. THEMS THE ROOLZ.

TRIP: Sheesh. Well it started win they put me in this prizzin box that they BOT JUST FOR ME!!!! That meens they wunt to keep me! They dint have one that was big enuf so they got me my own and it is the best of all the prizzin boxes and IT EVEN HAS A MOONROOF!!!!!! Yoo can look owt of it just like I'm doing heer:



See, isn't it grate??? And we GOT TO RIDE IN THE BLOO MASHEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The last time they did this, my hoo ha's got stolen. So I thot maybe we were going to git them bak! Heer's Rocky and me, side by side: rode trip buds!


ROCKY: We were NOT rode trip buds.

TRIP: It wasn't ixzaktly a reelaxing drive cuz Rocky was moaning over and over and over "Draw BLUD! Draw BLUD!" It was kinda gitting on my nervs.

ROCKY: Yeah, for all the good it did. I nailed three of 'em and YOO didn't even ixtend a klaw or bar a tooth the entire time!!!!!!! Yer supost to be psyko yoo dimwit.

TRIP: Rock, I was having TOO MUCH FUN!!!!!

ROCKY: Whutever.

TRIP: And so the wite leg man sat down with me for a wile and sed soothing things to me like, "Tripper, buddy, how ya doin'?" I cood see NEERLY EVRYTHING frum my moonroof but Rocky coodn't cuz he had the old beet up geezer PTU. HAHAHAHAHAAHA!

ROCKY: Tripper, shutup.

TRIP: And they poked me and and stuk cold things up ware they shoodn't be stikking them -- rite arownd Spot #13.

TRIP: And they stikt needuls in me!



ROCKY: It was no piknik for me, eether. The man hoo was not the uzhual vet man stuk his tung owt at me and then shined a lazer beem into my eyes, wich led me to suspekt he cood be in kahoots with da vishus deer!!!! It's ok. He did not eskape unskaythed.

TRIP: We wzs in a room with lots of pikchers of that stuk up kranky cat hoo livs with us and that big eared sqweek toy: thare sellebrities! Did yoo know that? And the man in the wite kote sed I was a nice cat one of the nicest he's ever SEEN and win he sed that, the ladey sed, "Yoo wunt him?" HAHAHAHAAHA sumtimes she kraks me up.


ROCKY: I don't think the ladey wuz joking. And don't call me Rock. It's "Rocky". Heer's anuther torcher pikcher. It took 2 of them to hold me down. Pownd for pownd, that shoze yoo just how strong I am! I just kept thinkin thots of an afternoon surrownded by Spicy Vixins.


ROCKY: The werst part of the hole krappy day was on the way home, Tripper krapt and peed in his PTU. WAY TO GO, TRIP!!!

TRIP: Don't call me TRIP --- it's Tripper the Psyko Stray Cat to yoo.

ROCKY: It always makes me laff to see how fast the peepul can role down the windows win yoo evakyooate yer bowels inside thare car with the nice lether seets.

TRIP: I dint like that part. I got dookey on my booty. And on the rest of me, too. I got imberrust.

ROCKY: Dood, yoo were awesum!!! All of a suddin, the ladey was drivin' like she was at Maliboo Grand Pree. She rownded one of the korners on two tires!

TRIP: It was pritty stinky.

ROCKY: And then, win they got home, they had to immeediutly give yoo a bath.

TRIP: I don't think I liked that part. They gave my nice new box a bath, too. Even the moonroof got a bath.

ROCKY: But Trip, why in the Sam Hill didn't yoo use yer claws and skratch them to peeses win yoo got yer bath?

TRIP: Shoot. I dunno. Was I supost to? I was distrakted cuz I didn't wunt my nice new box to smell like dookie.

ROCKY: Whutever. I slept the rest of the day.

TRIP: I coodn't sleep. I wuz too izsited!!!!! I think the peepul wunt to keep me!

ROCKY: Time to sine off, Trip.

TRIP: Can I use colors?

ROCKY: Nope.

TRIP : Rats. OK then. Life is grate! Laffin an Laffin!

ROCKY: That's Jeter's line, Trip. Yoo need yer own.

TRIP: How abowt "Life's a Trip!"

ROCKY: That'll do.

My Prezint frum Kimo and Sabi

Yesturday was my 16th berthday. Thanks to evrybuddy for coming to the birthday party! I got sum prezints. One was a gift frum Kimo and Sabi to me AND Mao, but Mao was owtside and woodn't come in, so I wint ahed withowt him.


I red the note on Kimo and Sabi's prezint. It sed, "Deer Mao & Rocky - This should help you wif identifying some spicy vixins. Happy Gurl watchin from da balcony. Happy Purrthday! Love, Kimo & Sabi."

Hmmm. So far so good! But whut cood it be????

I unrapt it to discuver THE BEST PREZINT EVER: The Cat Butts Field Guide WITH cat butts inklooded! Kimo and Sabi reememberd that I'm a butts man. I love da big byootiful bootays!

So, I did a littul hit of nip and sat down to study..... as my deer frend Jeter Harris wood say, "I'm laffin an laffin'!"
I think maybe I'm not gonna tell Mao that we were ment to share this prezint!

Mopey Munday

I'll admit, I've got a case of the Munday Blues. Skeezix has bin a pane lately -- he won't let me git on the compyooter to vizit all my Spicy Vixins (in fakt he's bin akting even stranjer than uzhual, if that's even possible), and my 16th berthday is coming up and I think evrywun has fergotten it agin this yeer, even tho it mite be my last, AND nobuddy has inqwired abowt renting my gutter. Mao sed I shood set up a box next to the FOR RENT sine with a bunch of papers in it called "Take Ones." On the Take Ones yoo list all the grate things abowt yer gutter but yoo artfully twist the werds arownd so that bad things sownd grate. So like, it has this problim of gitting water in it wile yer trying to sleep in it becuz Mr Tinydik waters his lawn for many howrs at a time and the water goze in my gutter. So on the Take One yoo make it sownd like a reely grate feecher insted of a bad thing, like one of the following:

• Indoor pool
• Water feecher runs thru the property
• Awtomatik watering sistem

Mao sez that it's mostly just nozey naybers hoo take the Take Ones, but yoo only need one renter to take it and fall in luv with the place. So, I'm off to find owt ware I can buy a plastik box to put my Take Ones in. Geez, I didn't realize renting my gutter wood be so much werk.

Gutter for Sale or Rent

Yoo mite have to biggify this to see whut I rited on the sine.

Annownsemint

I'd like to make an importunt annownsemint.

I have deesided to live the rest of my life as an inside cat. So my gutter is up for grabs. If yoo wunt to rent it, let me know. If any of yoo Spicy Vixins are comin' by to hang with me, look up and I'll be on the balkoney above the garaje. I have a better view frum thare.

Just thot yoo'd like to know.

Come Hither

Heer's how I look win I've gottin a lot of nursin' frum my Spicy Vixins.

Tripper on Toozday

Tripper thretend to sit on me if I didn't let him use my blog to do Tripper on Toozday. Sinse I'm up to my eyeballs with Spicy Vixins nursing my hert paw that I injerd wile using the Crackberry (thanks, Daisy), I grayshusly invited Tripper the Psyko Stray Cat to post a foto for "Tripper on Toozday." Heer's whut Tripper has to say abowt this pikcher:

Gee THANKS ROCKY!!!! WHY CAN'T I HAVE MY OWN BLOG???? As yoo can see, I have grate fotos I can put up, and I'm looking espeshully big man catly espeshully waring the grate New York Yankeez cap that Jeter Harris gave me and maybe nows the time to point owt that I DO NOT USE STAREOIDS like that CHEETER BARRY BONDS I'm just big natcherully and let me just say, thare's a lotta me to love PARKER ARE YOO PAYING ATTENSHUN???? WATE I THINK I JUST SAW A MOTH..... GOT IT!!!! And yoo woodn't beeleeve whut a FREEK that littul wite Cat is he spended the hole day LIKKING A MAGNIT! I think Jeter Harris is my vary best frend in the entire werld. He's grate. LIFE IS GRATE. Wate, I think thare's more oh yeah: LAFFIN AN LAFFIN! See? I can blog! I shood have my own blog.

I herted my paw

I think the Spicy Vixins need to dress up in thare nurses owtfits and come over and take care of ol' Rocky Boy. I herted my paw this morning. It bleeded. The peepul got home frum the cherch thing they go to and saw the blud on my paw and they asked, "Rocky, what'd ja do to yer paw?" And I just kinda shrugd my sholders and din't tell them. They cuddled me and put sum hurty liqwid on it and tride to ixamin it and menshund sumthing abowt the V-E-T wich is always BAD NEWZ (ixsept if the vet givs me good psykadelik drugs). Skeezix offerd to put on his dokter's owtfit, but yoo know, he's just not the same as a spicy vixin. And he's a littul too eeger to put a thermomuter up my poophole. --- THE END --- RtGC

Tuxie Toozday

The good nooz is: I got my own compyooter!
The bad nooz is: The keys are too small.

Duz anybuddy know how to werk one of theeze?

My Pal Babe

Win it's reel hot, I hang on the balkoney cuz thare are sumtimes nice breezes that come up the hill and make me cool. The balkoney has a cat door owt to it, and owt thare is ware the litter boxes live in thare own howse. That way we can't smell Skeezy's stinkey poops in the howse. They put down this fake rug thing thare so the litter duzn't fall down onto the dek ... and it's a nice rug cuz it's just like grass ixsept unlike the frunt yard, the next door nayber dawg duznt krap on it. So I lay on it, next to the cat litter box howse all day long. It's nice. And better than laying in the gutter win peepul like Mr Tinydik are watering thare lons.

In this pikcher, my frend Babe has joined me. Babe is NOT a spicy vixin. He's not even a spicy dood. He's just a blob. He beelongs to the man's mom. Sumtimes Babe comes and hangs with me just to hang with the cool crowd. Sumtimes I'll wake up frum a nap and think maybe I'm lookin' at Sadie's bak end, but no, it's just a babe butt. I try to be nice to Babe cuz he used to be a ferul cat. At leest he's not psyko like that stoopid Tripper.

Feets on Friday

Sumbuddy gave Skeezix this toy and the man notist that the toy and me have idenikul feets. Whut doo yoo think of that?

Rocky's Male Bag

This is wut I got in the male tooday. It is a letter frum my frends at the porsha deelership inviting me to take a Cayenne owt for a test drive. This sownds like fun. Hoo wunts to go with me? A Cayenne sownds hot and spicy, just the rite car for a spicy vixin!

Dona Nobis Pacem

MadCat Munday

Today sukt. I sed more bad werds then I ever did in my life. Becuz today sukt. The man (hoo USED to be my buddey) put together my medikul rekerds (see abuv) frum the Emerjinsy Vet torcher place and he throde me into the box and took me in his lowd bloo masheen to the torcher place in Castro Valley. Let me tell yoo, it's bin a long time sinse I kust that much at one time. I thot the wite rat was gonna ixplode frum heering all thoze bad werds. The man told me we were just going thare for a short trip and we were coming rite bak home. BUT HE LIDE. Yes, my FORMER buddey lide to me, and left me thare so the torcher peepul cood torcher me sum more. I thot I wuz a gonner. They did all kinds of hurty things in my mouth and to my teeths and they stabd 10 foot long needuls into me and draned me dry of my blud. But they didn't suk the pee owt of me! In fakt, I reely had to go. They put me in the box, and then I herd a familyer voise - it was the lady. And even tho I had to pee, she just stade thare and blabd and blabd with the torcher place ladeys hoo took her plastik thing frum her and they were tawkin' abowt the wite rats' mannycure --- like hoo gives a poop????? --- and his blog until I wunted to yakk. FINELY we left and I got my reevenje! On the way home, I peed and peed and peed and the pee wint owtside the box and onto the ladey's lether seets and wool karpit in her bloo masheen. VIKTERY!!!!! And I sware, the man will never be my buddey agin. (Did I menshun today sukt???) --- THE END - RtGC

Man Cat Monday

Update on my cundishun

I'm holding steddy. I have a bit of a kold, wich has me sneezing kind of a lot, wich werries the peepul, and in tern, werries me becuz it offin meens I'll git shuvd into the prizzin box and taken to the torcher place. So the peepul are watching me closely to see if I git werse -- I git so freekt win they take me to the torcher place that they try not to take me thare unless it's absolootly nessessary.

In the meentime, I'm trying to trak Mao down so he'll come bak and manaje the interns. I can't run the hole bizness by myself, yoo know! Mao's alwayz sayin, "I'm an idea man -- the big pikcher guy. Yoo werk owt the deetales." Sownded good at the time, but reeely, it just meens that he duzn't do any of the werk. Maybe I'll save up my munneys to buy him owt.

Heer is a pikcher of the interns last nite. As yoo can see, thare vary entooziastik but not vary disiplind.

The Summer Interns are Heer!

Tonite, the summer interns shode up, and Mao --- hoo is in charje of the Summer Intern Program at Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt Werld Hedqwarters was noware to be fownd! Whuts up with that? MAO? YOO NEED TO GIT YER TUSH HOME THIS VARY MINIT! The interns are vary enthooziastik and eeger to git started, and I'm too sik and week to deel with them. Yoo can't see all of them in this foto -- thare are four interns and thare mom, wich is the biggest groop of interns yet! If yer intristid in joining owr intern program, we don't akshully pay anything, but yoo do git free snaks.

Widebody Wenzday

My faverit widebody, Sir Edmund, has a GRATE foto up for Widebody Wenzday, so yoo have to drop by and have a look. Be shur to bookmark it and if yoo start pakking on the pownds and yer peepul wunt to put yoo on a diet, show 'em Ed!