Rocky's Male Bag

I got sum good male today. It's fur a bettin' site. I like gamblin'.
I chekt owt the inside. It looked pritty good. Yoo can bet on football, and yoo can play blakjak. And, they have spicy WOO HOO vixins on the inside. WOO HOO WOO HOO WOO HOO! (Take that, Sadie. I can WOO HOO with the best of 'em.)


I love my Football Playbook betting book. I just wanna kiss it.
Gamblin is fun. It mite even be more lukritive than the VDR bizniss!

Hmm, Sadie wuz chekkin' owt Jeter Harris

Jeter Harris was showing off his big ole' butt today, and my Spicy Vixin Sadie was salivayting and wint "WOO HOO." Makes me wunder how many other mancats she is woohooing over.

Vary Disturbin.

Gutter Chek

I've bin feelin' pritty good lately, so I wint owtside to chek on my gutter to see how it is.

Hmmm. Mr Tinydik is still letting 50 millyun galluns of water run down the street EVEN THO WE HAVE A DROWT and all that water makes my gutter too wet to sleep in. Not much has changed sinse the last time I kundukted a gutter inspekshun.


The sidewalk is still pritty cumfterbul. I'll just krash heer for a bit.

I am livvin the life of Riley. Life is good.

Duhr. Hooz Riley? (channeling my inner Jeter Harris.)

Widebody Wenzday

How duz a porker like that git airborn?

Hey! That looks like me!

Wordless Wenzday Q

Hubba Hubba .... or not

Like many of yoo, I have closely bin following the story of the 44 pownd cat in Noo Jerzey. I thot she was hot. I wuz gonna rite her an emale to git her to join my harum.

But it terns owt she is a he hooz reel name is Powder (no reelayshun to Perfectly Parker's Powder, I don't think). Now I've got to disinfekt my brane fur thinking all thoze lood thots abowt how hot she was win I thot he was a she. Maybey now that I'm 17 yeers old, my eyesite is shot.

Wordless Wenzday

PRODUKSHUN OF ROCKY'S VDR KONTINYOOZ

Given all of the reesint vishus deer sitings, sum of yoo have ixprest konsern over not being abul to order enuf Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt to keep yoo safe. Rest asherd, produkshun continyooz at rekerd levels.

Open Letter to that Stoopid Psyko Tripper

Deer Tripper,

Dood, I am a DOOD. I don't know whut kind of psyko mind games yer tryin to play with me, but I've sed it beefore and I'll say it agin: DO. NOT. LIK. ME.      EVER. This morning win yoo jumped up on the bed and gave me 18 (yes, 18, I was cownting) liks on my hed, I had to spend the rest of the day trying to git that imije owt of my mind and I coodn't nap cuz I thot I'd have dreems abowt yoo and me and Karl and Ruis going to Karnival together. I AM NOT YER SPICY VIXIN. That's whut Parker's for. So why don't yoo by a grayhownd bus tikkit for OH-HI-OH and give her a vizit. And leeve me alone furrever yoo psyko loozer.

Rocky the Guttercat

Wordless Wenzday

Wondercat Wenzday

I liked this kartoon. Yoo shood watch it. Even tho Wundercat is not a Tuxie.

The Amazing Adventures of Wondercat


An animated New Yorker cartoon by Jack Ziegler

Wordless Wenzday

OK, I can take the hint...

... I'm calling Jenny.

Win it's hot....

... the man makes a nice bed:

Thare's even room for a cupple of Spicy Vixins!

Disturbin...

This morning, wile me and the Man were sleepin' in, Tripper ran into the bedroom and jumpt on the bed and came up to me and likt likt likt likt me on the 4hed like I was a member of his harum. That cat is reely psyko. I'll be spending the rest of the day gitting the TripSpit offa my 4hed. THE END --- RtGC

SHOWT!!!!

This is my entrey in Kimo and Sabi's JUMP and SHOWT kontest. Jumpin is a littul ruff with my arthuritis, so showtin is eezier. Have yoo enterd???? The dedline is May 31st.

RIP Bonnie Underfoot

Bonnie Underfoot has gone to the Bridge. Evrybuddy in my howse is vary vary sad abowt this. It makes me kontemplate my mortality. Or morality. I git the two confyoozed. Bonnie was a grate cat and a grate frend. I look forwerd to meeting yoo at the Bridge, B.U.

EEEEUWWWWW!!!!

So, I wuz layin' on the bed nappin' win I herd sumbuddy jump up on the bed. Immeediutly, I thot maybey Sadie or DMM or Fiona or Halloween or one of my other 80 spicy vixins had come over for sum luvvin. I love it win they come over for sum luvvin. So I rolled over and sed, "Hello Byootiful!" (I've lernd frum ixpeeriense that yoo use a term of endeermint insted of thare ferst names so yoo don't git yerself into trubbul!) But insted of a lushus spicy vixin, I was staring strate in the face of THAT PYSKO CAT TRIPPER!!!!! I got the heebey jeebeeze. Tripper is NOT one my spicy vixins. And I coodn't make him git down cuz he ways a millyun pownds more than me. So I wint bak to sleep. THE END --- RtGC

EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK

This is Randy. He's the Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt Werld Hedqwarter's Employee of the Week. He's a reel go gitter. And he purrsunnully prodooses the stinky sekrit ingreedients that go into owr patented produkt. Randy, we saloot yoo!

EEEEEUUUUWWWWW!!!!!

Last nite win evrybuddy was in the peepul bed, that psyko Tripper was trying to klime over the gate to brake into the upstares. He was makin' so much noize that the man let him in for a littul wile just to show him we wern't havin' fun withowt him, we were just reedin' and sleepin' and stuff. Well, Tripper jumpt up on the bed and ran strate over to me and started KISSIN' ME!!! I was like, Dood!!! I'm a dood!!! Don't git all Karl and Ruis on me!!!! (not that thare's anything rong with that) And Trip is such an idiut he was just sittin' thare sayin' "What'd I do??" It's a littul imberrissing to reeport this insidint, but I wunted to make shur yoo mancats know that if yoo see Trip galluping toward yoo, run like the wind the other way cuz he's pysko and yoo never know whut he's going to do. THE END. --- Rocky the Gutter Cat

Hay, lookee at whut I fownd

.... a sombrero! And just in time for Sinko duh My Oh!

OK, senyoreetas! Time to line up for a littul siesta time with ole' Rocky!

Wordless Wenzday

Vishus Deer Repelunt Produkshun continyoos

Meet RANDY

I know that with the reesint siting of vishus deer praktikly storming the gates at the hedqwarters of the Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt Faktery, sum of yoo may be werried abowt the availubility of Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt. DO NOT WERRY. We are fully staft to continyoo to prodoose enuf VDR to keep all yoo tender yung joosy cats safe.

Meet Randy. He's owr produkshun snoopervizer and he makes shur that we always have enuf raw ingreedients to keep up with the overwelming deemand for VDR. See? Look at thoze beedy littul eyes: have yoo ever seen a more trustwerthy face? Randy's owr man! He's also in charje of the intern program.

Mao Lize

I DO NOT REEK!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!

Dang!

I slept rite thru Easter! I mist owt on ham at DMMs! KRAPPITY KRAP KRAP!!!!

Calling all Vixins!

WOW. I fownd this reely grate bed up on top of one of the ded compyooter teevees in the office. It kinda smells like Mao, but finders keepers, it's my luv nest now. It has a cushy mat that's heeted and keeps me toasty warm. And it sleeps plenty of spicy vixins. Yoo can see me heer calculating how many vixins will fit up thare with me. It was sum hard thinkin, cuz the math is complikayted seeing as how at leest two of my vixins --- Halloween and Sadie --- are porkers and take up as much space as 4 skinny vixins. That's okay tho, cuz they are good luvvin vixins, and thare werth it, even if as not as many vixins can be up in the heeted bed with me.

Pawtay!!!!

I had a vary fine weekend. As yoo all know, I spend my entire day frum brekfist to dinner sleepin inside the red stroler that is in the garaje. I dunno why they call it a stroler, cuz it just sits thare it shood be called a sitter. But anyway, imajine my surprize this weekend win I discuverd sevrul pints of Ginniss stuft under the cooshuns in the stroler. SKORE! C'mon over ladeez, the pawty's at my place!!!!

Give Sadie yer support

My look-alike faverite spicy vixin, Sadie got told by the stoopid vet guy that she's a porker and needs to looze wate. Evrybuddy noze that's just a lame excyoose the vet mans use to make peepul buy ixpensive diet food wich tastes like cardbord and makes us looze owr wills to live. Ferst of all, Sadie is dammd HOT. No matter how much she ways. Secund of all, my furchin almost drags the grownd and withowt the extra powndidje, I'd look like Skeezix, hoo is a greate littul guy and all that, but he looks like a skellytun he's so skinney. He duzn't have any luv handuls to hold onto win yer having sexy times. Not that I've looked at him in that way. But yoo just can't git good cuddling in with a rat-bodied cat. Sadie is a good snuggler. I think I mite rite her vet a letter.

If yoo have a minit, cood yoo drop by and tell Sadie yoo think she's hot just the way she is? I think that wood cheer her up. THE END --- RtGC

Spring is Sprung... sorta

Hey, evrybuddy! Spring is just arownd the korner, so chek owt this grate contest by Simply Simeeze! Not only do yoo git a chanse to win fabyulus prizes, but evry entry erns a $1 donayshun to Project Ham! And to sweeten the pot, if the total number of entries gits over 40, Skeeze and Mao and me and that pysko Tripper will eech donate $10 for a total of a $40 donayshun to Project Ham. Project Ham is a projekt to keep owr best frends Sammy and Miles in ham wile thare Food Lady and man are owt of werk. Sammy and Miles have bin bloggin even longer than I have: thare praktikly an institooshun!!! So whip up an entry today! Heer's the link: siamesespring.blogspot.com.

Rocky's Male Bag

Being a biznisscat, I git a lot of male. Heer is one I got today frum sumbuddy hoo wunts to Chase me. Yoo can biggify it to reed it better:

The part by the red arrow reely got my attenshun!

Your check will be sent directly to you.
A check for up to $40,000 will be sent to you in as little as two business days of final processing. You can cash it immediately. Use the money for any educational expense, including this semester's tuition, housing a laptop computer or study abroad.

So, theeze chase people are gonna give me $40,000 to git a laptop computer and study a broad. I think I'm gonna study the effekts of catnip on the luhbeedo. WOO HOO! Party at my howse!!! Line up gerls! Hoo is gonna be the ferst broad for me to study????

Whut I've bin up to

Nuthing much exciting has bin happening. Yesterday, the peepul took that stoopid Tripper away in the bloo masheen and he wasn't with them with they came bak. I was vary happy, like they finely figyerd owt whut an oafish werthliss big galloot he is and deesided to give him a one-way trip to the sausage faktery. I even kikt up my heels. But later they brot him bak. He smelt better and he had his bak and his booty bak by his Spot 13 shaved. I think it's called a boyzilian. I'm sorry, thare's just no way I'm letting anybuddy with klippers down thare. Just goze to proove that Tripper's a freek. He was vary happy abowt the hole thing like he had the time of his life. Freek.

Anyway, heer's whut I do every day. Wake up, eet chow. Complane abowt whut I wuz givvin to eet. Git my thigh-roid pill shuvd down my throte. Wine to go downstares. Wine to go owtside. Go owtside, walk arownd to the garaje door and klime into the nice red Jeep Rubicon cat bed that's in the garaje. It's cumfterbul. Sleep all day. Git brung in the howse win its time for dinner. Eet chow. Complane abowt whut I wuz givvin to eet. Sleep in the man's office chare. Git my thigh-roid pill shuvd down my throte.

I had bin sleeping all nite in the peepul bed, but one nite the ladey cawt me starting to pee in a place that was not the cat box. Boy, is she a lite sleeper! So I sleep in the man's office chare all nite insted. Boring boring boring.

My Wenzday Wench

This is Miss Kitty. She's in my harum. She knowed I was a littul down becuz Mao came bak and I won't git to be the alfa cat, so she klimed on top of the car and rided frum Marrypozuh to Castro Valley to cumfert me. As yoo can see, she's a lotta woo0-man. And she made me feel better. So she's gonna be my Wednesday Wench.

Man, my weekend sukt

I was gitting all happy to finely git to be the top dawg alfa cat cuz I thot that stoopid Mao finely mooved owt, but it wasn't permanint and he came bak today and so now I won't git to be alfa cat. Win he was gone, me and Skeez got to sleep with the peepul, but now we're lokt owt of the peepul bedroom agin. And I alreddy reedeezined the labels for Mao and Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt. I need sum vixins to cheer me up.

Buds

Me and the man are buds. Yesterday, he wunted to have a portrit done of me and him together. No silly kristmuss hats or nuthin, just us buds sittin together. Ixsept he didn't hold me rite. It's okay. Win yer buds, yoo have an understanding abowt stuff. As yoo can see, the man is feeling better.

Now serving eggnog....

... Vixins, pleeze form a line to sit on ole' Rocky's lap!!!

C'mon Vixins!!!!!

Don't send a lame Holiday eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

Skeezy reeks of a hangover

Man, Skeez is bak frum ware-ever he wint, and boy, duz he reek of a bad hangover. I woodn't 've thunk it of him. Razes him up in my estimayshun. Ixsept if he was taking over my vixins in the Vixin's Den (see beelow). When he's feeling less "green" I'll have to ask him abowt that.

Whut the....?

I haven't seen too much of Skeez lately. As a matter of fakt, I haven't seen much of the wooman eether. That part's been nice. Cuz I've bin sleeping in her spot on the peeple bed. And the man looks kinda lonely so I git up on his chest and make biskits cuz he's my bud and I think it makes him a littul happy. I was a littul disterbd to heer that the rat has invaded my Vixin's Den:

Wich isn't rite cuz thare MY vixins, and beesides, he's got enuf to handul with that kyoot littul wench, Dazey.

Oops. I did it agin.

Well, ladeez, I did it agin. I managed to skore a finulists spot in Catster's Werld's Coolest Cat Contest. As yoo all know, I eeked owt a win in the sleeper category last yeer, wich I was shur I didn't stand a chanse in cuz Gordy sumhow got hold of Photoshop's kyoot filter but sumhow a mirukul occurred and I beet him... but this yeer he's gonna take away Skeezy's krown in the Costoooms and Shades category with his grate stuntman owtfit. HAHAHA! Take that, Skeez!

But even tho Gordy (thank dog) is not in my category, I still have stiff competishun. Fur ixzampul:

and

So once agin this yeer, I'll have to put in my sorry plee for yer vote for Best in Show. Heer are the reezins yoo shood vote for me insted of Skeezix or Mao or Trip or any of the other entreez:

1. I'm an old geezer cat. This may be the very last kontest I ever git to enter.
2. If I win, win I'm having my pee problims, I'll be abul to think of thoze happy daze win I was the Werld's Koolest Cat, and it mite take my mind off the pane.
3. Skeezix is only 2 3 yeers old, and he has abowt 20 19 more chanses to enter agin before he dies.
4. I pee a LOT, and that meens both freeqwintly and qwantitativly. So I need that yeer's supply of cat litter more than Skeez.
5. Skeezix can go enter a cat show if he wunts to win sumthing. I'm a no-papers mixed breed frum the pownd hoo can't enter cat shows.
6. Did I menshun that I'm an old geezer cat and this may be the very last kontest I ever git to enter?

Man, this suks

Sophie wint to the Bridge this morning. I am so bummed. She was a grate vixin, and an exsillint frend. Please drop by Sophie's Catster page and leeve a note for her famly.

Hang in thare, Sophie!

Sophie, hoo wun ferst place in my Spiciest Spicy Vixin Halloween Contest isn't doing so good. In fakt, she mite be reddy to go to the Bridge. Sophie is one of my faverite vixins cuz she izn't too uppity, and she's a geezer so she understands abowt me needing my naps. And of korse, geezer vixins are grateful for any attenshun yoo give them, and they know a few triks of thare own.

Anyway, I hope yoo pull owt of this, Sophie. And if not, thanks for saving me a place with lots of catnip cigars at the Bridge. Yer a grate old broad.

Catsters, yoo can drop by Sophie's Catster page and leeve her sum heeling thots and maybe a rozette ... I know she'd appresheeate it.

Dona Nobis Pacem

HOT mancats! Time to Ogle!!!!

Vote for yer faverite Spicy Vixin! Go to halloweencontest.blogspot.com and then emale me (rocky AT rockytheguttercat DOT com) with yer vote for the hottest spicy vixin! DO IT NOW!!!!!

The Devil Made Me Do It

I Got an Award!!!!!

I was vary thrild and surprized to git a grate award frum BlackCat.

As yoo can see, it's a vary prestijus award and I was vary lucky to win it. But if yoo didn't win it, it duzn't meen yer a loozer.

I'm going to nommynate sum of the blogs I like:

Caesar and Prinnie. Cuz thare geezers like me.
Bathsheba and Jake. Cuz 'Shebas hot and thare both geezers.
Sadie. Cuz she's hot and she looks ixzaktly like me. And her blog is good.
DaisyMae Maus. Cuz she's hot and almost a geezer, and she'd git mad if I didn't nommynate her.

Thanks, Black Cat! I'm going bak to sleep now.

I fownd a nice place to hang owt

Today I wint owt of the howse. Kinda like the old times beefore I got sik. It was grate. The wether was vary warm and I enjoyed sleepin on the chares by the pool. But it was hard to reelax, cuz a vishus yappy dawg mite brake thru the gate and chase me into the pool. So I looked for sumplace else to sleep that was safe frum dawgs. I fownd this grate red thing in the garaje. I've seen Skeeze ride arownd in it. I looked inside, and yoo know, it has 2 nice soft pillows inside, so I klimed in and wint to sleep. Unforchewnitly, the ladey had a cow cuz she didn't know ware I was and she thot the coyotes beehind owr howse ate me becuz she assumed I crawled into the forest to die, but I just kinda overslept becuz the pillows were so soft and cumfy. Boy, was she glad to see me! --- THE END by RtGC


PEE ESS: All yoo mancats hoo volunteerd to help me judge the Spicy Vixin category in the Halloween Contest: yer in for a treet! We can set back in owr Hugh Hefner robes and suk on sum big catnip cigars and ogle until we go cross-eyed. I mite even see if I can git Bathsheba to do some pole danses. Maybe after we can drop by Da Bing. Thanks for stepping up to the plate -- it's a thankliss job, but sumbuddy's gotta do it!

ATTENSHUN ALL HOT MANCATS!

I'm still taking applikayshuns for hot mancats to judje my category in the Halloween Costoom Kontest. Baysikly, we'll just krap owt on the Barcolownjer, hit the nip reel hard and then ogle the hot gerlcats hoo entered and come up with a winner. Let me know if yer intristed.

Halloween Costoom Contest

I'm sponsering an award in the big Cat Bloggers Halloween Costoom Kontest. It will be "Rocky's Spicy Vixin Award" for the gerlcat with the hottest owtfit. Yoo need not be a member of my Spicy Vixins' Harem to win. Yoo just have to be hot and know how to strut yer stuff. Fur ixzampul, look at Tiggy's costoom frum last yeer... H-O-T: HOT! She put the vava in vavava-vooooom!

The prize will be the sponsership of a Best Frends cat in yer name... and probly sum nip, too. And maybey an invitayshun bak to my grotto: yoo know I'm sleeping on the peepul bed, now!


PEE ESS: If yer name is Halloween, yoo mite have an edje.

Spicy Vixins Costoom Idea

Hey, Vixins! I fownd a nice harum costoom for the Halloween Costoom Contest!

Pirate or Devil??

I'm having a hard time trying to deeside whut to dress up as for Halloween. I wunted to be a devil but that stoopid Trip is gonna be a devil and he mite call me a copycat even tho he duzn't exaktly have the monopully on devil soots. So maybe I shood be a pirate. I like pillajing. Ixsept I don't have a hook to put on my paw. I wunder ware yoo can git one.

Reezults are in: How to woo a spicy vixin

The reezults of my latest pole are in are heer is how yoo anserd the qweschun: How do yoo woo yer spicy vixins?

The kleer winner with 52% of the vote was "Poetry, roze petuls, a fether bed and a ded mowse."

Other reesponses:

20%: Nip. Lotsa nip. Then thare even looser than uzhual.
16% Frank Sinatruh myoosik and a massaje.
10% No nip until after the luvvin. Otherwize she's too wacked.

If yer a spicy vixin, pleeze vote in my new pole at the top of my sidebar on the rite: How do yoo like to be wooed???

Only howrs left to vote!!!!

At the top of the rite sidebar, I have a pole wich asks the qweschun, "How do yoo woo yer spicy vixins?" Voting ends tonite! Pleeze way in.

The Lizzerd

Miss Pixie gave Skeez' a lizzerd for his berthday. I've never seen a lizzerd like it. It has sparkles, and it likes to live under the Fed Ex envelope on the desk ware I snoopervize. I can't have lizzerds on the desk wile I werk. Do yoo think it wood be okay if I kilt Skeez's lizzerd?

Werdless Wenzday

Meow Like a Pirate Day: SEP 19th!!!

My Pirate Name: "Quadruped" Patrick Slaughter

I'm pulling together a pirate krew to go with me to git that yappy littul dawg that came into MY BAK YARD today and throde me into the pool and SWIMMIN IS NOT FUN so I think that littul yappy dawg needs to walk the plank. And then I'm gonna feed him to the gaters and let him swim with the fishes.

Tuxie Toozday: A tuxie at 10 Downing St!

Sybil is my noo idul and she looks like she mite be Spicy Vixin mateeriul. Sybil, the ferst cat to reezide at 10 Downing Street in 10 yeers, is fond of the new British prime minister's gardun. And its berdies. Reed storey heer.

Reezult of Spicy Vixins Pole

The reezults of my Spicy Vixins pole are in. By a landslide, the winning answer to the qweschun "Do yoo prefer yer spicy vixins OLD or YUNG?" was "OLD - They have a lot more tricks up thare sleeves" with 80% of the vote. The other choices were:

OLD: Thare gratefull and not as uppity (7%)
YUNG: I like the newest moduls (7%)
YUNG: I like to kustum trane them (5%)

And I think if I'd blocked Mao frum voting, the "newest moduls" choice woodn't have gottin any votes.

Thanks for partisipayting in this edukayshunul pole!

Don't fergit to reespond to my new pole: how do yoo woo yer spicy vixins?

Widebody Wenzday

Mi vixin picante: Contest!

We have a winner! The ferst of many correkt ansers was submitted by Fiona Bun!!! Concats, Fiona! Yer can of Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt is on its way!

Yoo will need the Flash 9 viewer installed to watch this grate moovey... it's werth the downlode!!

The ferst cat hoo gesses wich of my ravishing spicy vixins I'm dansing with will win a can of Mao & Rocky's ^® Vishus Deer Repelunt!